Thursday, November 19, 2009
my mind hurts
and I don't know what to do
I pray and I pray
God's answer is just wait
My heart aches more
my mind just gives "away"
and I honestly don't know what to do
I pray and I pray
God's answer "I told you just wait"
God's answer to my heart is "I have this, you really just need to wait, there will be no audible answer to your mind or your heart, you will just have to trust ME"
so I trust in Him! My heart and mind will trust in Him!
Both of us and us "one in the same" will wait and trust and know what He is doing is right, for everyone involved!
Honestly, my heart trusts and my heart continually talks to my head! My mind and my heart pray together, understanding, that each contradict one another and also that each, confirm, one another and also that "they" are on the "same path"!!
So many things can mean so differently and mean so the same!
The difference is hearing from the Holy Spirit!
CONFIRMATION, oh sweet CONFIRMATION!!!
Sunday, November 15, 2009
After being called for "mom" at least 12 times or more!
A husband shouting at the TV, I usually tolerate his yelling when I am watching with him, this time it annoyed me!
Then the flipping of the channels on the TV (yes we have one computer in an open family room, so no one is "alone" on the computer)!
Then the silly dog "farted" behind me and he totally stinks! Really really bad! Whew!
Then another kid with a "coughing" issue!
Now, I have to pee!
Maybe tomorrow, during the day, I can post about our weekend getaway!
Thursday, November 12, 2009
It makes my heart hurt and my head spin! Got alot of praying and a bit of figuring and a ton of deciphering in my future!
One thing my head and my heart agree on right now is that, I was honestly loved by him and I honestly loved him back! Another thing my heart and head agree on is the love for the family and friends I have gained and loved because of Phil! I will always be thankful for my time with him and for the love and compassion he has always shown me! For the "push-past-itness" he trained me in!
Thank you Phil for the life lessons you have taught me and continue too!
I love you and will miss you!
My friend, my mentor, my Step-dad!
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
I sent Adam to meet family in DC! He flew on a plane all by himself! We were able to drop him off right at the gate and Uncle Tony was at the gate in DC waiting for him, so he wasn't really alone, except on his flight.
I was concerned, not that the family I was sending him to wouldn't take good care of him, I was just concerned that he was leaving me all by himself. He did it. He went and everything went well. I hear he was very well behaved and thoroughly enjoyed himself!
He saw so many of the sights, he was able to enjoy his cousins and his Aunt and Uncle without Mom and Dad "hanging" over his shoulder. He was able to trick-or-treat with his cousins, wearing his Uncle's Air Force Uniform, how cool is that!
He was only gone for a few days and they packed as much as they could into that time. The day I picked him up from the airport, I don't know if he was smiling bigger, because of his experience or if I was! I was so blessed by him being able to go and the respect and maturity he showed why he was away. I wasn't sure how well he would do, that far away from home. He is also, very comfortable with his Aunt and Uncle, so I was concerned it would cause him to relax and not be on his best behavior! Boy, was I wrong (or someone is lying to me)!! Turns out he was able to surpass what expectations I had for him and in turn I was blessed! I love it!
I think part of the key to keeping him happy was feeding him often!!
Pretty neat experience for all of us, we all learned something new about ourselves and each other.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Saturday, October 17, 2009
I am such a mess!! I am at work, it is "my Friday" and we are actually slow today! I pray my night continues on like it has!
Having a lil time I have been catching up on blog reading and now, I am a crying weepy mess! Not exactly how one should look when working with locomotives and all men! Uh-oh, I shouldn't have read them, but I did and I think it is a good idea to share some of them
Mimi had me thinking
Beth was blessed by KMart and I was too, just by watching it!
CE talked about the day she gave birth to her precious Miss E
and now, I am what you would call a sloppy mess! Crying weepy, blessed, mess!
Now, add to that:
Yesterday, I went to school and cleaned out my Adam's locker with him in the morning to find "missing homework assignments" ugh! I so thought we were done with this! His locker wasn't nearly the mess it had been before and we did get it organized! To my surprise he did bring home his Math book and was doing the missing assignments when I left for work! I think he is getting it! Adam really is a good kid and turning into a nice young man, on his way to being a gentleman! I love it!
Did I say I was a mess? Crying weepy, blessed, mess! I am!
Last night, I stopped at a gathering of High School friends and I didn't get there until midnight and there were still so many there! I was hugged and complimented and loved on by friends I haven't seen in 20 years! I even got to see some friends that are always close to me! That was amazing and so awesome, I could never have orchestrated that, I know where it came from! I really did not enjoy getting "kicked" out of a bar at 2am, but it was sooo worth it!
yep, I am a mess! Crying weepy, blessed, mess!
At the gathering I was told stories of my sister I have never heard and some I have heard, but hearing stories, good stories of my sister never, NEVER gets old! I loved it!
Larry didn't go with me, but he got up to talk with me when I got home, how sweet is that?! So kind! He shared a dream he had been having about a friend of ours that passed away in 2008 and we shed a couple of tears together, it was a quiet moment of reflection!
A complete mess!
Oh yea and I am at work, with all men, on the railroad! Who said, "there's no crying on the railroad"? There is now!!
So strange how all these beautiful blessings always make me a complete mess!
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Yesterday, I was pleasantly surprised on my Facebook page to find so many people feeling as I did. It was validation, I am not crazy and yes it still hurts! As I was reading through the comments, posts, prayers and kind words, all I kept thinking is "how did I get through it?"
The poem Footprints.
The day my sister passed, I stopped believing in God, saying to myself "if there was a God, my God, wouldn't have done this to me!" So, easy enough, there wasn't a heaven or hell or God! Now, that I look back on that time, I am constantly reminded of that poem Footprints. But, when I picture myself being carried by the Father, I didn't believe in, I see so many people behind and on the sides of and in front of us! All these people, were the ones who carried my faith, for me during this time. They were the ones who continued to believe, pray and speak kindness and life into me! Maybe it is strange to you, but not to me. It makes perfect sense, because I still talk and hear from people that tell me they have never stopped praying for myself and my family, that's how I know. I wouldn't have ever come to the place of understanding as I have now, if it weren't for those that didn't give up, who at times were "carrying me" with their faith.
I am once again overwhelmed and the love and support God continues to send and the kindness in people, it is absolutely AMAZING!
Sunday, October 11, 2009
I buy toilet paper (Scott's) every time I hit the store! I do not want to run out and have yet to! My family makes fun of me, but they have never had to wipe their behinds with a napkin or paper towel, unless that has happened at someone Else's house! So tell me, why is it that I am the only one who can put a roll on the roller? Why do I find two rolls on the sink or on the back of the toilet, both started? What is so hard about sliding it on the roll?
Pop-Tart boxes almost daily! Really, you couldn't throw that in the garbage? You couldn't take that out, when you took the last Pop-Tart, and throw it away? amazing!
The wrappers, the wrappers from whatever you have opened, please walk them to the garbage and throw it in! Don't leave it on the counter, table, floor or on the couch for Mom to pick up! URgggghh!
Milk, finish 1 gallon of milk before you start the new gallon! Chances are I have opened the one with the closest date and that needs to be finished first! C'mon.
Shoes and jackets..........
OH YEA.... BACKPACKS, y'know the one's you scramble around in the morning looking for (they have a place, but never make it there) and for some reason, the first place you look is where it belongs!
They do NOT go on the floor right behind the front door. This makes it extremely difficult to open the front door and when I finally, get home from work I trip over them! Please please please, put them in the closet
So, instead of asking hollering "MOM, where's my????" I don't know, if you don't put it in it's place! I am not the KEEPER OF THE STUFF!
and put them on your bed, don't leave them in the basket and DO NOT cram them in your closet on the floor!
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
It was a neat time, watching Kylie, freshman and Adam, 8th grade, show their maturity and their ability to solve problems and also to watch them just play! They played outside alot this weekend! Windy and Nathan are also growing up, but these two have such a different personality than the "first borns"! Windy and Nathan seem to be very laid back in their approach of spending time together! The four of them played alot of football outside and Mitch joined them from time to time, but he isn't quite ready for the preteen and teenagers yet! Mitch was just fine with finding the computer completely available for him and Ava did alot of entertaining the adults and she is very good at it! Ava is a doll an absolute doll!
We were able to go watch Leo play soccer and apparently it was the game he, finally, got into soccer! He looked like a wild-man out there playing soccer! Trying to get his lil foot on the ball and running and running, it was so neat to watch!
Jordan is our 17 year old, getting ready to graduate! She is a woman, it is hard for me to see that, when I look at her I still see Baby J!
This weekend left me in amazement of these children we have raised! Right now, I say "wow, we didn't do too bad"! Ask me next week or even tomorrow and I may say something completely different! So neat to have seen them go from babies to almost grown! We still have a long way to go with all of them!
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Oh my frustration!
The new women ask "so how and what is this class?"
The women who have been taking this class always answer "hard it's hard"
My frustration level boils.
I enjoy exercise in any way! I love group fitness for its social aspect and I love single fitness for the alone time I get with me! I learned this way back when there was the 20 minute workout on TV at 5am! I used to get up and do it and there were even times when it came on in the afternoon that I would do it at my dad's shop and he would join me! Yes at my chubbiest, right now, I enjoy exercise! I enjoy exercise at the time I am doing it and the after affects! I love the sweat and the "pushing" myself! The challenge and the endorphins and the energy and the mood it brings for me! Yes, I do! Enjoying exercise has always made it difficult for me to understand how come people don't enjoy exercise! It really doesn't click with me!
Lately, I have had the chance to workout with my cousin, who does not-so-much enjoy exercise! Understanding her and her unjoy for exercise has taught me alot!
So my frustration builds!
Last week I let it go and moved and turned the other way!
This week, I paused waited for the "member of the class" to FINALLY walk away and SHUT UP! I walked over to the newer woman (I have only taken this class for these two weeks) and asked her to please stay for the class and please just work at her own pace! I politely asked this woman if she enjoyed dancing. Her reply, excitedly "yes"!
I reply than just please stay and just keep moving!
I just don't understand where the competition in group fitness came from! Where in the world is the joy in chasing someone out of a class! What is wrong with us!? What kind of encouragement is that?
I just don't get it, I am so frustrated!
Honestly, is there some kind of joy in making someone believe that fitness or exercise isn't for them? Is there some kind of competition where, someone can bounce and hop and I can only tap side to side, that the bounce and hop person gets a medal or a trophy at the end our time on earth?
The decision, for some, to step into the world of fitness is so tough and then to take a class is literally a leap of faith and then to have someone talk them out of, WOW! Crazy!
Really, honestly, what joy is there in talking someone out of taking a fitness class or exercising? What kind of change does that honestly bring for your life, what kind of joy can you find in that?
Monday, September 21, 2009
Friday, September 18, 2009
The nights of waking up were even worse, but the actual damaging to my body had stopped.
Eventually, I sought out help.
Once again, seeking the help of a professional seemed to be the only way.
Then I started picking up books and reading and praying and trying to fix myself, only to find that there was deep-seeded guilt.
The guilt of all the stuff that happened and the blaming of myself! I didn't know I blamed myself so much. Of course, I went through all that "could've, would've, should've" stuff that you go through whenever things don't turn out like we planned.
Turns out that 've stuff was pretty deep and very difficult.
I snuggled in closer and closer to my Larbo every night and he obliged, of course back then with a full size bed it was much easier!
As the days and years went on, I began to heal and it was a slow process of growth. It was difficult!
Together, Larbo and I made it! We made it through the night terrors, through the junk I never knew was clouding my mind and my heart!
We never would have made it to this point without the love of God, first and foremost and then the loads of great family and friends, God has given us then add the tons and tons of understanding from others and each other!
It hasn't been an easy road and I thought we were through this "silly" part of my life!
I do not like to dream, good or bad, I can't stand it! Or the remembering of my dreams, however you want to word it! I can't stand waking up and not feeling rested and the concern that consumes me when I sleep and then goes into my day!
I pray this dreaming stuff goes away again! I pray that God continues to work in me and makes my sleep what He meant it to be! For now, I wait patiently, snuggle back into my Larbo's arm and unfortunately mess with his good sleep (there's that guilt thing again) and pray pray and pray some more! Try to figure out where this is stemming from and find my way to better sleep once again!
For years, I battled these things! They were never just dreaming, what made them worse was the damage I would cause to myself in my sleep.
When I would finally wake up from these things, there would be bruising on my body and face and clumps of hair missing from my scalp, lots of talking/screaming and the sweating and the terror that came when I woke up was unbearable. Many of nights, I found myself just afraid to sleep and it had nothing to do with the damage I was doing to myself, it was the terror that awaited me in my dreams! I was in high school when these started and I know why they were there and I always knew, but unless absolutely necessary I didn't tell anyone! I was embarrassed that I could cause myself such damage and not have a real explanation for it. Thankfully, at the time none of my friends asked about the bruising or the other stuff and I didn't spend the night very many places back then, I always had to get home to be with mom! My poor mom, would be woken up by screams or yelling and wake me up! This totally sucked! The moms of my friends didn't let me just skate by without answering questions and most of the time it was just a quick question from them and a one word answer from me "nightmares"! Enough said!
The really embarrassing moments came when I had boyfriends, that included my husband. We would be around their families and they would notice bruising! These poor families, the parents would think the worst of their sons and then pull me aside and ask "what happened?" To which, I would explain the problem. The relief I could see in their face immediately and almost simultaneously the concern for me! I didn't know how to stop it, I didn't know how to hide it and I didn't know how to stay awake all the time, although I did spend alot of time awake during these years! Given the chance to fall asleep next to someone holding me, whether at night or in the middle of the day, I'd always take it! Someone would be there to wake me as soon as the movement started or the talking began. Many times I would get a good hour of sleep in and ohhhh the difference it made! Then to be able to sleep next to someone night after night and be held was a "God-Sent"!
I fought night terrors for more then 10 years and one day, "poof" my dreams were gone! No more dreaming, not even good ones and to me that was an answer to much much prayer!
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
I know I am supposed to go by the way the my clothes fit, but I have done that before, even dropped 20 lbs and got frustrated because I didn't "see it" and I didn't feel it either. So this time, by the scale!
The scale has nice things to say lately and I am loving it!
Larry says he can see it, I really can't! As long as Larry is nice about the weight-loss and the noticing, I'll take his word for it!
No pics to post today, cause like I said I don't see it!
So far, changes I have made is not eating at night, whew big one!!! Being on a regular schedule at work is not only good for my sleep but good for my eating!
I have made more stops at farm stands for fresh produce instead of stops at drive-thrus! Another big one. The farm stands have better choices and two bonuses, they are easier on my wallet and quicker! I am sure gonna miss them when they are gone. Exercising hasn't changed for me, I love to exercise and the burst of energy I get from it, I love the challenge, so exercise was never a problem for me!
10 more lbs. and I get a full body massage!
I can't wait!
Monday, September 14, 2009
Sunday, September 13, 2009
On Friday, I kept saying to the kids "today is 9/11"!
Adam totally got it, his heart was there! His heart was in the day and with mine, for a change, my oldest and I were seeing eye-to-eye!!
Windy, kinda got it! She was sympathetic and full of heart, like she always is! She is always "into" what someone in the family is "into"! I pray and hope she learns to be "into" what her heart is "into"! If you know what I mean!
Mitch, my Mitchey, totally didn't get it and somewhere in the short morning, we share together, he said: "mom, you keep saying it's 9-11, what does that mean" ha, my heart sunk and then it leaped, almost like it was supposed to! My heart was saddened and happy at the same time!
He didn't know the sadness of 9/11! He was so innocent!
I remember that day, like yesterday! I had Mitchey in his stroller and Adam and Windy at my side, as I would any Tuesday that year! I had showed up to workout and stayed for a bible study at church!
My Mitchey was only 7 months old, to the day! Windy was only 3 and Adam was 6! Windy remembers somewhat, but Adam, 9/11 holds a place in his heart as it does mine!
That was the first day, since Adam was born, that the TV was on alllllllllll day and on that CNN channel! Usually, our TV was only on at specific times, never would it be on for noise!
So much changed that day for all of us, but it changed even more for those directly affected!
My heart still breaks thinking about those families that had given and lost so much on that day!
Why haven't I taught my youngest more about that day already? Oh yea, the emotion and the heart in it all, was tough, very tough!
So on 9/11/09 I started teaching my youngest more about 9/11/01 and my older two will continue the journey with Mitchey!
My heart/mind never stopped praying for our Country and the families directly affected by that day, but my mind never started teaching about 9/11!
What a day! Still learning to learn!
Friday, September 11, 2009
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Love my family
work out at the gym for a healthy life and to lose weight
Regular checkups with the Dr.
raise obedient children
Do a good job at work
Keep a clean house
Make sure the family is fed well
the list goes on and on. I keep screwing up! Hmmmph! I get so aggravated with myself. I know mistakes are a normal part of life and that if there is a lesson learned, then it's all good! Still hmmmph, aggravated with myself, I really don't like making mistakes.
It seems like I am constantly hurting the ones I love the most. I admit, I have a tendency to bounce alot off my hubby! I did it again today and have been for about two weeks.
I could use the excuse, that there is alot on my mind and that is true, but excuses to hurt the ones I love, is just that an excuse, not a reason (as if there is ever a good reason to hurt someone)!
So here I go once again:
I Pick up the phone and apologize and try to move forward.
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
I have also spent alot of time explaining to my children how "life is just not fair"!
Really, honestly, we are all adults at work and should know by now that life is just not fair and it never ever will be!!
Thursday, August 27, 2009
yep, I said it, we all have alot of growing up to do!
I am finding that maturity isn't something we come upon one day and have reached, it is an ongoing life lesson. Some of the life lessons are neat and fun to go through and anticipated, but the older I get, the more I realize, sometimes this maturity thing hurts! Then I look back to being a child and a teenager and I realize, it has always been this way, just when we are children and teenagers it is more predictable, because we have our parents with us everyday and as parents, we not only give guidance but discipline and strong direct guidance! As I "grow up" I have way more freedom to make my choices and in doing so, when I make the wrong choice the consequences hurt even more! Ouch!
I have had two interviews at work in the passed two weeks and the first one, you know about, I didn't get it! The second interview, I am still waiting on the results! I know I'll be ok with either decision, but a change is exciting to me! I have had a recent change at work with my schedule, I get to work one shift all week, every week! After working 3 shifts every week for 2 years, I am ready and so is my body! I love normal routines. That being said, I already am going through change at work and I am excited, I get to work with the same group of people everyday and several them are good teachers! This group of people have alot to teach and the will to do it! I have already learned so much from them in my 2 days a week for the passed two years, can you imagine what I can learn from them in the near future, working everyday with them!
Wow, I am excited, either change is good! I have mixed emotions, as you can see! I want OUT of where I am right now and I want to STAY where I am right now!
No worries, it's in God's Hands and I am there also, resting and waiting!
I'll let you know what the decision is as soon as I know!
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Friday, August 7, 2009
I was busy trying to find a way to repair a Locomotive for an "officer" train the next day! My employees, my guys, were busy trying to find a way to get through their night at work! By the time I got back to the service track, I had noticed my guys had serviced more than their fair share of units and that they should have stopped servicing locomotives a couple of hours ago! Now, not only were they tired, but they were trying to do good to make me look good! UGHhh! This is so wrong for a company to preaches safety the way we do and I preach preach preach safety! I should have been on the service track to say them stop! I wasn't I was out attempting to do a job, my employees had already attempted and knew we couldn't just do in a few moments!
I usually trust my guys, I usually follow their advise to a "T"! Why would this night be different, oh yea, My boss was pushing me further than he should have!
So, after the nightmares, after the safety interview with an employee, after being concerned for my employees all day, after being concerned for myself all day!
I stood in front of my guys, without a "line-up" and apologized for working them too hard! I answered to my boss and didn't need to and asked them to help me make our Railroad a safer place to work, and they all agreed! But, all of them fear the repercussions of our conversation during our briefing, this stinks and weighs my heart down even more!
While apologizing, one of the guys asked me "why does it look like you have been crying?" and I had to answer, because that is who I am and when I am upset and angry, either with myself or others, I cry! I am a girl and I cry!
It kills me, I try to prove everyday that I am "one of the guys" to only admit that "I am a girl"! The part that doesn't upset me is that God has created men and woman different, but he never gives us the right to be treated differently! I feel that I knock myself out daily to try to prove that I am right for my job and that I am worthy to move up and I honestly believe that I am just as good of a candidate for moving up as any man!
But some days I just cry like a girl!
Wrong or right, I just don't care, it is who I am and I am right for the job I am in, I can admit out loud that I am wrong and I can commit "out loud" to making changes, for the better and I can even request those changes at my inconvenience, because I know it isn't always about me!
So, tell me why in 2009 I feel as though I am still trying to make way for other women and not that we are treated equal to men in life and the workforce!?
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Thank God for His continued pressing on my heart to resolve this or what I thought was the issue!
In other updates:
I continue to look for a new position at work, I am ready to make a career move, but as long as I am in the position I am in, I will make the best of it and continue to learn!!
The kids are gone with Grandpa on their annual "tent" camping vacation! They are having a blast, so far!
The biggest new challenge in my life: I have entered "Biggest Loser" contest at my gym! The winner gets a free membership and of course, to be less weighted!! I have "lifestyle" changes to be made! I can't wait to beat this challenge!
Friday, July 31, 2009
I have been working in my position for 1 year and 9 months! I enjoy what I do, but I did not get to this point by myself, I did not immediately enter into this Mechanical Foreman position and totally know what I was doing! So many greay people have helped me along the way! The support at home is always good, the guidance from the "higher managment" has been good, but the "on the job" training I have received and those I work with daily, has been, by far, the most helpful and the most "eye opening"! My coworkers, the ones I manage (if you can call it that) are heaviest on my mind tonite, there is one co-worker/friend who is heaviest on both my heart and mind tonite.
Because of working every shift, every week, I get the true blessing of working with almost every employee in my little area. But, there is one that I get to work with more than others, his name is Russ, this is my friend that I am writing about, we know each other because of the job, but we became friends because of who Russ is! I honestly believe Russ has had my back from the beginning, the thing that sets him apart from the other employees, is that I consider him a friend! I do work along side of him more than any other employee.
OK, take a minute and remember my "New Years Resolution", if you could feel the pain in my heart right now (OH MY)! The need for that Resolution becomes more and more apparent every day, the more I think I am working towards it, the more I realize the necessity in my resolution and how I have consistently failed being a good friend!
I put Russ in a bad position, back in February and when he confronted me with it, he was angry and he yelled at me! My response, was not to be "treated this way" and I walked away. Walking away, when being yelled at is ok, as long as I come back and face the problem quickly, taking into account that my friend was trully hurt, by my actions! Coming back and facing the problem quickly is where I have totally failed!
Not coming back, is like your friend having a splinter in their toe and you have both the tweezers and the alcohol and you chose not to use them, it is just like looking at your friend and saying, "hmm does that hurt? Do you want me to help?" and your friend says "yes" and you act as though, you haven't heard their response!
What month are we in? Oh my we are really at the end of JULY and going to August and I have walked away from this issue for almost 6 months, ruining the best friendship I have at work! I work with Russ more often than I get to work with anyone else! Russ has had my back since the day I showed up at Cicero Roundhouse and about 1 week ago another Supervisor came to me and said, "Russ said, all you have to do is apologize"!
Why didn't I just come back the next day and say "I am so sorry that I put you in that position"? Why didn't I come back one week later and say that same line?
I know why,
I am so worried/concerned about being RIGHT, that I forget that I really really really, can just be WRONG! I can admit being wrong to my husband and my children, why can't I tell the one person, I know, is on my side at work?
Because, I will have to admit, that as hard as work at "ALWAYS" being right that many times I am just plain wrong.
Truth be told, 90% of my life is spent being wrong, but the good thing is I can usually admit to that! Why can't I admit to that at work?
I can write about my "goals" at work and how I want to make the company, I work for, an equal opportunity employer!
I can write about all the junk I have been through lately.
I can write about not being "treated in that matter"!
The truth is, I just didn't want to admit to being "wrong" at work, it hurts, it so hurts to be wrong at a place where I am trying to prove "I have the right to be there and have the ability to handle it"!
This is how I am going to try to change what I have wronged:
I am going to go to work tomorrow evening, I am going to call my friend and I am going to apologize to putting him in a "bad position"! I am not going to let him "off the hook" for yelling at me, but I am going to take what is my responsibility and I am going to attempt to make things right and attempt to be a good friend, oh yes that is my "New Years Resolution", it doesn't mean that mine and Russ' friendship end up where it was 6 months ago, it means that this is where I need to start!
Transparency and vulnerability, really stink at first but are honestly one of those "blessings in disguise!"
Do I think everything is going to be ok after tomorrow night? Don't know, but I am going to take my responsibilty for my part and pray, hope and think positive thoughts for my relationship with Russ!
I pray things turn out good, but more importantly, I pray that Russ and his family are where they need to be!
My hardest stuff is admitting I may be wrong in some area, proving to be harder is admitting, that I KNOW, I am wrong in this part of my life with friendships!!
Friday, July 24, 2009
My Dad just celebrated his 60th Birthday! I am so proud and amazed by the obstacles he has made it through! He is an awesome father and an amazing Grandpa! I am so proud to call him Dad!
Happy Birthday Dad!
TO MY DAD, my amazing, awesome, wonderful dad and to the GREATEST GRANDPA EVER:
This is his Yard Railroad and it has grown and transformed since these pics, I'll try and get some new ones on here soon!!
Here is a picture of the bridge that he built himself over the pond and water fall he put in.
I am so proud of you. I enjoy the relationship we have and even more the relationship you enjoy with Adam, Windy, Mitchell and Larry it gives me an overwhelming JOY!!!