This is just an outlet for me, to be able to get my thoughts out! I am a Woman, Wife and Mommy that also works outside the home! Just me trying to make it all work for the best for my family and myself! Just my journey!

Sunday, October 4, 2009

It is Not For Me to Understand

As Larry and I plan for tomorrow and plan for our future, my heart constantly breaks for my friend who has lost her husband! It is not mine to understand, as much as I want to, it is mine to help and give where I can. I pray constantly for her and her two children! Ron was a great man, husband and father! A neat young man, who, in my opinion, is just gone too fast (this is where I try to understand that it isn't mine to understand)! A one of a kind Ron! Ronnie would stop and check in on Larbo and I from time-to-time, he would call and make sure that we as friends were able to get together and enjoy each others families! It sucks, it soooooo sucks that he is gone! Neat part of Ronnie's life was watching him as a husband to his "high school sweetheart" and then to get to see him as a dad! Absolutely amazing!
Tomorrow we get to go and celebrate his life with his wife Wanda and other friends and family, some we have met and some we have the honor of meeting tomorrow! I am looking forward to the "stories of Ron" I will hear tomorrow!
Truth of it all though, my heart never stops hurting for his passing and for his family and friends that desperately miss him! I honestly believe that I'll wake up and find it is all a bad dream! I know the grieving process and I understand it, what I don't understand is why it was "his time"! This is the moment I understand that it isn't mine to understand or make sense of! It is mine to love, pray and give!
I pray often for understanding, even though I know it isn't mine! When I dream, even though I hate it, I can see Ron and I can see him giving of himself to all of us the way he did, my heart believes I am going to wake up and get a call from Ron, my mind knows different!
I am thankful, very very thankful for the Ronnie in my life! The way he taught me to be a better friend! I honestly, believe that the way we carry some one's good legacy is to show it in their families life, to make sure, absolutely certain, they are as well cared for as if Ron was still alive and taking care of Wanda and his children himself!
So tomorrow, Larry and I will go celebrate Ron's life and legacy with his family and friends and whoever else will join us!
I know I am a better person because of Ron! I pray that his legacy lives on through his wife and children, just as he wanted!
It doesn't make sense and I don't understand it, but it is not mine to understand!
The hardest parts in life are the parts we don't understand!


  1. Ronnie was truly the best!
    Thanks for sharing your blog.

    Chrissy, while I hadn't seen him in years, I can't imagine he did anything but become a better person than he had already become. I will pray for all of you that this event goes well.

    My love and hugs to you, Larry and the well as Ronnie's as you attend today.

    Love and many hugs!!!
    Chrissy Stiller (aka Christine Rutledge)

  2. That's where faith comes in. Trusting that God is still God even when we don't understand.