This is just an outlet for me, to be able to get my thoughts out! I am a Woman, Wife and Mommy that also works outside the home! Just me trying to make it all work for the best for my family and myself! Just my journey!

Sunday, January 31, 2010

I Love The Phone

I was at work this evening, as I am most Saturday evenings and my phone rang (my office phone) much to my surprise it was Yaya (Windy)! I didn't know she knew my number at work, she definitely knows my cell phone number and she is very good at using it! Yaya is very good at communication, especially when it comes to the phone! This makes me happy, because she doesn't hold back from calling Mama, whenever she wants too! I honestly want all my family to feel this way, if I can't answer, you just have to know I will call back ASAP!! It's too dangerous to answer my phone when I am in the yard! Anyway, I was so excited by this call from Yaya and I know it may not seem like a big deal to yous, but a big deal to me, because I feel included in her life! Anywho, back to the phone call!

Windy called me while I was working and I answered the office phone as usual "service track Chrissy"! I heard a "what?" on the other end, immediately I knew who it was!

Me: "Baby Girl?"

Ya's: Yes, mommy! I can't get my hair to go right!

she's only 11 going on 22!! No, seriously she is a typical almost 12 year old and I am tickled!

Me: Well, are you ready for the party?

Ya's: No, I'm getting ready and packing my bag at the same time!
(this party is a sleep-over)

Me: Do you have your sleeping bag?

Ya's: no, I'll go get it! My hair was the way I wanted it and then I sprayed hairspray in it and then it got too fluffy! I got my sleeping bag

Me: You mean like frizzy?

Ya's: yea

Me: Did you use the flat iron?

Ya's: No, I have it heating up now!

Me: You know, Daddy can help you if you want him too!

Ya's: No, I can do it! Mom, I am wearing my new jean jacket! You think it will look OK, with that long blue shirt with long sleeves?

Me: New jean jacket? Where'd you get that?

Ya's: Gramma took me shopping at Kohl's today and they were having a big sale and she got like a percent off and then another 15% off! So she bought it for me and she bought me a shirt! They are so cute!!

Me: Ahh, a Kohl's sale, I'm surprised!

Ya's: Mom, should I pack my black long sleeved shirt or my Coca-cola shirt you bought me for Christmas?

Me: Babe, it's gonna be cold you'll probably want the long sleeves.

Ya's: But what if I'm hot?

Me: then pack'em both, no big deal!

Ya's: Mommy, I gotta go, the flat iron is hot now!

Me: Ok, have fun at your party tonight! I'll pick you up at 10am tomorrow. Love you

Ya's: Love you too

We both hung up and I couldn't help to feel, if even only on the phone, she needed me and she wasn't afraid to call me! If it was only about her hair or what to pack, she called me, and her Daddy (who would move the earth, the sun and the moon for her and even help her with her hair) was right downstairs and totally available to help! I only have her at my home for a few more years and I am away most nights when she is preparing for the fun stuff, I thought I was missing out on her getting ready for the fun stuff!

Tonight I discovered, I am NOT missing out, I am enjoying it in a different way!

I am so thankful she knows how to use the phone and she isn't afraid to!

Friday, January 29, 2010


I consider myself a kind person and always striving to be more kind, however my kindness should not be confuse with being a "push-over"!
Sometimes I can hear in peoples voices or their tone that they think I am so "kind" that they can do whatever they please to me! HA!
I am so frustrated with the thoughts of others on kindness! I am kind and I do smile and I do find the positive side of things! Make no mistake, I am not a push-over! Just because I forgive, doesn't mean I forget. Just because I love, doesn't mean I like! Just because I find the positive, don't think I don't see the negative!

I can't stand having my kindness pushed! If you have ever dealt with this you know what I am talking about! Unfortunately, there have been a few, that their "ideas" of me have changed after pushing me!
I love because that's what I am supposed to do, I am called to it! I don't have to like everyone! I pick my friends carefully and guard my heart at all times! Just because I am able to get passed a moment, that does mean I forgive, it has nothing to do with forgetting, and it has everything to do with guarding my heart and the hearts of my family a little more when I am around that person!
I am strong and heartfelt, kind to others (most of the time) I am NOT a push-over, I don't just accept things because "others" say too!
I see kindness as a strength, not a weakness! Just because someone is nice to you, doesn't mean they will accept anything you dish out!
I make my own choices and stand up not only for myself, but for my family! I am a follower of "the rules" I like rules and policies, because there is no grey area! Black and white, easy to follow!
Please make no mistake! Kindness should never be taken as a push-over!

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Feeling like a Girl

I just celebrated my 38Th Birthday! It was yet another great celebration
with family!

Larry always does a good job of making sure I feel special on my Birthday! He really is very kind!

On Sunday, I woke up and just couldn't wait to get my make-up on and my hair done and wear clothes that looked feminine!
As most of you know, I work on the railroad, in the mechanical department! It is true I get to fix locomotives and direct employees to fix locomotives! I went into this job knowing only the little bit I had been taught, in my short time, on the railroad! I am still learning. But there is nothing about my job that allows me to feel like a girl. Some days it is more tough than others, it tends to get to me, because if I act or look like a girl, I cannot perform my job properly. It's a dirty job and if I were to dress up for it, I would have tons of ruined clothes!

So for two days, I dressed up and fixed up and acted like a girl! The Best Birthday Present I could have given to myself! So much fun to feel and look like a girl!

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Holiday Weight!

Life is finally getting back to normal, or normal for my family anyway!
I had a minor surgery on the 11th of December and I have been waiting to get back to the gym! Even though the Dr. said I would be fine, to go back to the gym in a week, and back to work right after the weekend, I just didn't feel right. So I took sometime off from the gym (of course I headed back to work)! Then we headed strait into Christmas Holiday and a break from school and and and! You all know the stuff during the season that takes up some time! It wasn't bad, I really enjoyed our holiday this year! Not going to the gym, made it so I had to be a lil more careful, with my choices of food, than usual during the holidays!

So last week I headed back to the gym and was able to jump right back into my routine! Back to running a mile to warm up and then a class or some sort of cardio for 45 minutes! Whew, what I relief, I was quite concerned I wouldn't be able to "hit it" right away!

I decided that if I was able to get back into my "gym" routine so quickly, that maybe I should try stepping on the scale for the first time in 6 weeks! To my surprise, I maintained my weight-loss, during the holidays! wohooo! Now, I'm a lil angry because if I was able to maintain, where would I be with the gym or would I have just enjoyed the food a bit more!

(Yes, you can still see lots of chub, but I haven't posted a pic in awhile so I figured it was time)

Not gonna speculate, just gonna head back to weight loss routine and see some more pounds melt off!

I'm excited!

Sunday, January 17, 2010

It's A Real Date

Tonite I went on a "Date" with my Husband Larry! Amazing and fun! We met another couple out after they had dinner and we chatted and laughed and it went from a four way One-conversation to two two-way conversations! The other girlfriend and I totally related, we are so totally in the same position right now! Every once in awhile, the two two-way conversation would head back to the one four-way conversation and all four of us would laugh at the same thing and then back to two two-way conversations! I was validated tonite! Totally validated, in that I am not alone in my feelings of frustration with my children! I was validated, in that I totally love them, but want my children to be upstanding and respectful!!! Ahhhhhhh! amazing to me!
So two kids are spending the night with their friends and one needs picked up from his play-date with a friend! When picking the youngest up from his play-date, it only reminds me that there are two kids not at home! I hate it, hate it, hate it when they are not all home! I have raised them to be confident and secure in their choices and now I regret that! I want them to want to be at home, all the while, soooo thankful that they are secure in their choices of being away from home! I know they all know they can dial any phone or all phones for mom and dad and they can be home in no time! I will be there to get them and have proven that a few times in their lives! Good job MOM!! But NOW mom wants to change her tune and ask them to stay home and only have sleep-overs at our home!! So totally not an option!
As my husband and I reflect on our evening out together and get the youngest situated at home, my Husband is focused on the fun we had and the opening to new conversation between us, I am only focused on the fact that there are two children missing in my home! OH MY!! This is what I have been fighting against all along! Making sure that my husband and I have more than just our children in common and we do, but I am so lost in the fact that two are missing, I can't focus!
Honestly what am I going to do when they all leave me? My youngest is only 8 and I have time to plan! But I never planned on loving my children so deeply and immensely! I never planned on God blessing me so much!

Here's What Happened to Me

I have been without a computer since shortly after Thanksgiving! I was logging on to the internet and the computer shut down and would not NOT let me restart it! So I messed around with it for a couple of days (more like a week and a half)! Then I called the help desk at Dell and found they wouldn't even help without charging me and then I called the Geek Squad!

Geek Squad said, "hmmmmmmm, bring it in there's nothing you can do with it" Really, nothing, do I sound incompetent on the phone or are you just trying to make money? Hmm! Doesn't matter, without help I've got nothin! We all enjoy our computer, yes we only have one in our household and no laptop to back it up, just one desk top computer!

So I take the computer in! Yes, I do have friends that "work" on computers and probably could have called them and save a few $! But, who wants to ask friends for a favor in Christmas season!? You know what I mean! Are you kidding me!?

yes, Hubby complained and understood at the same time!

So, day after surgery (different post later, nothing major) I take my children and my computer to Geek Squad! Make my oldest carry in the tower! Promptly pay the first $100 and feel lump fall into my stomach!
3 weeks later Geek Squad calls, it's looking better, but they need rescue disks! Huh? why didn't you tell me this when I dropped the tower off? Oh yea you didn't know! Yea right!
Call Dell order Rescue discs and pay another $75 and hope it works!
3 more weeks go by and now its pay another $200 and get your computer out of here!
Are you serious? I could have purchased a whole new comp for that, but at least I have a backup to my backup discs! urg!

But I am back! yes!

Thursday, January 14, 2010

I DO Care More About What Others Think.....

and I don't, always believe it is a bad thing!

As I was Running (yay me) on the treadmill this morning at my gym, I found myself surrounded with "skinny minnies" who appeared to be in shape! I am not sure if they really were or weren't! But I did find myself judging what I thought, they were thinking!
I said to myself, just because I am chubby doesn't mean I am not in shape! Just because my exterior says one thing, doesn't mean that is who I am!

From here I went to a myriad of places! I went from thinking about my appearance to all the different hats I wear! Everyone has tons of different "hats" to wear.

I found myself having a conversation with myself about where I am and where I would like to be! There are so many things I would change about me, but there are so many I would like just to add to!

Sometimes I am a good Wife and sometimes I have work to do in that area! Sometimes I am mean "tough guy" at work and sometimes I am compassionate woman at work. Sometimes I am prayer warrior and sometimes I am praying without the warrior part! Sometimes I am the Chef and sometimes I am the food delivery boy! Sometimes I am the spender and sometimes I am the saver! Sometimes I am strict mom and sometimes I am fun mom! Sometimes I am a good time wife and sometimes I am nag wife! Sometimes I am "mean Mom". Sometimes I am "bitch Wife". Some times I am the mom and the wife that makes coming home worth it! Sometimes I am a good friend, sometimes I am a forgetful friend. Sometimes I say what I shouldn't have and sometimes I don't say what I should've! Sometimes I enjoy a glass of wine with dinner and sometimes I can "tie one on" with the best of'em, sometimes I am designated driver. Sometimes I am "Taxi-Mom"! Sometimes I am a "mourner". Sometimes I am a "celebrator of life". Some days I am the "Nurse-Mom" and some days I am "nurse-wife". Sometimes I am good daughter and sometimes I am a mean daughter!! Sometimes I am the "vet". Sometimes I say whats on my mind and sometimes I hold back. Sometimes I am "crazy workout woman" and sometimes I am "couch potato"! Sometimes I am "Mrs. Fix-it" and sometimes I am "Mrs. Broke-it"! Sometimes I am the "housekeeper" and sometimes I wish "housekeeper lady" would finally show up! Sometimes I cry, sometimes I laugh, sometimes I am nervous and sometimes I am sad and alot of times I am very happy! I am so many more things as we all are!
Truth is, if I didn't care what others thought of me, maybe I wouldn't care what or how I said something to them or I wouldn't care to be who they needed at the moment. If all of us never cared, what someone else thought of us, how would we be the person a loved one needed at that moment! How would we ever care enough to know that a friend needed a hug, or our children need disciplined, or that our husband/wife just needed loved or held on. How would we ever be compassionate caring people?

I know I always used to say, it doesn't matter what other people think! But I really guess in a way it does matter, because what they are thinking is sometimes what they need from me at that moment! The real truth here is to not allow other people's thoughts of you change you for the negative, to allow yourself to be who you are and always striving to become better at who you are intended to be!