This is just an outlet for me, to be able to get my thoughts out! I am a Woman, Wife and Mommy that also works outside the home! Just me trying to make it all work for the best for my family and myself! Just my journey!

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Dusting Off

After being discouraged about my career for too long, I finally went to talk to a boss that can really help me! I'm not sure why I waited so long, but I'm glad I went!

My direct boss isn't very good at the "development of people" thing. Unfortunately, he is from the school of thought where, if you help someone or even given them good direction you are hurting yourself. I really cannot stand that thought pattern.

Even though, this boss didn't have a definite direction for me, he did have tons of good ideas about the training I can be doing! I love love love training! I enjoy learning new and "getting-it"!

My heart ached when I told this boss, I feel stagnate! I don't like just going through the motions, I don't enjoy the same day-to-day, I enjoy a challenge! I have been know to call my fellow co-workers to see if I can help them with anything!

Good thing is I am dusted off and out of my corner! Bad thing is, I'm not really sure where exactly I'm going, I do know I am headed out again! I'm just so thankful for learning more new things and building on the knowledge that I have!

It was really a tough decision to go see my boss, above my boss, but I am so thankful I did!

of course the day after I went, I derailed a locomotive, TWICE!!!

Time to blow the "stink-off"!!!!

Monday, March 29, 2010

I Miss You, My Health Club......

Dear Health Club,
I have desperately missed you, please don't write me off just yet! I am coming back, you are on my schedule for tomorrow. Unfortunately over the recent past I haven't been able to fit you in, I know your good for me and I really enjoy the time I spend with you, but life has been crazy-busy. I am soooo ready to be back with you!
Since I haven't been a good member of your club, I have become a member of several other clubs:

Hot Mom's Club (one of my new favs)
Clean House Club (I'd like to be a good participating member, working on it)
Drives Too Fast Club (thankfully, no tickets to prove my membership)
Work Too Much Club (Not sure how they got my membership, but I am in)
Movie-Goer's Club (nice, I like this club)
Vacation Club (I think I actually found sleep in this club)
Crazy Women's Club (I think I was already a member)
Painting Club (I finally renewed my membership after letting it lapse for 5 years)

and several others, all of the said clubs, have been very good for me, I promise!
I have enjoyed the other clubs I have become a member of and do plan to maintain my membership, as well as my membership with you!
Please, please don't write me off, I'll see you tomorrow!

Saturday, March 27, 2010

My Career

5 years ago, I just wanted a job. Something to bring in money in order to help our family move and maybe take some of the stress off of my husband!
When a friend said "apply at the railroad"! Ha, I laughed and then I applied and I applied and I applied, I just wanted a job, any job that would give us health insurance and pay a couple of bills! That's it!
4 years ago, I received that job! I was hired as a coach cleaner and I was elated! I was blessed. I really think I could have stayed in that position. I could have done my job and come home, not striving for any more and not proving anything to myself or others. Scratch that last statement, yes I could have stayed in that position, but without striving for more, I would have been miserable! Thankfully, I am surrounded by family and friends that cheer me on and I work for a company that believes in growth.
3 1/2 years ago, I was accepted into a program that trains, up and coming first line supervisors! wohoo!
2 years ago, I was finally given a First Line Supervisor position. I was now a foreman on the railroad! Wohoo!
Yesterday, I felt stagnate and eroding. I set out for more in the beginning, so why in the world am I standing by, just going through the motions of my position.
Today, I realize, I'm BORED!
I set out for more, I set out to prove something to myself! Sure it would be nice to prove it to others, but quite honestly, it doesn't mean as much as when I say to myself, YOU DID IT!!
Yesterday, I took time to reevaluate where I am going and how I am going to get there! Now, in this career I am not quite sure where exactly I want to end up, but I know it's not where I am at right now! I am positive it is not, not learning anymore about cars/locomotives and it's not, not learning any more about being in a leadership position, that being said, I know I want to learn and be taught more more more, I want to take all the training and education in I can!
I would loooove to prove something for myself and other women, because I am really so tired of the phrase "it's hard for him to accept you because, quite honestly, your a female"! REALLY REALLY!! I thought we lived in 2010, and then I am reminded that I work with people that are dinosaurs!
Today, I realize, I am not finished and I still have potential and I am NOT stagnate! Today, I realized I am going to move forward and though I may not change things for women, I will change things for me and best of all I will prove to myself, that I really can do this! I AM doing this and I WILL do this better!
I think the hardest thing is proving things to myself!
SERIOUSLY, can we get rid of the "dinosaur thinking" already! I'm done, I'm so done just fighting to prove, that I can do it and that my mistakes are no more and no less than any other person in my position, I am equal. Guess what, when I get mad I'm still gonna cry and I'm still going to use my form of 'curse words', yep I'm still gonna say "it sucks rocks" and I am not going to use those crazy curse words the dinosaurs use (it's really ugly), but these things don't make me any less of a leader than a man in my position.
I really wish we weren't still at the stage (I really thought we passed this up a loooong time ago) where people thought women weren't capable of being good leaders, I really thought we were past that!
My dinosaur friends: It is time to accept and help or it is time to RETIRE!

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Positive Memories of Positive Growth

I love it when the everyday things I do, bring up different positive memories from the past! Good memories of friendships are what's been coming up lately.
Even with the every day of getting "ready" little reminders of what a friend taught me, little tricks, better make up ideas, beautiful words spoken in different cases, homework thoughts, project ideas, clothing advice or just a positive note all brings up a few positive memories with a couple of friends I made in college. It really promotes the positive to think about and ponder on the positive influences in my life!
I love the memories and I really enjoy how they come to my memory at just the right moment.
My positive memories from college are the ones that have been right on the front of my brain lately. I really enjoyed college, but it wasn't a "party" for me. I didn't spend my time at the clubs and coffee shops. I spent my time attending classes (struggling to make decent grades) and when I wasn't in classes or studying, I was working. I really worked as much as possible and was very focused on my goal. This time in college was a time of major growth! I now had to depend on me, I now had to make things work. I left everyone and everything I knew and I went to the complete unknown. SCARY! I liked that, I loved being focused and directed and relying on me.
I had a couple of awesome roommates placed in my life and they proved to be, cheerleaders, mentors, friends, a source of seriousness and an outlet for fun! I didn't get to go out with them very often, but I did get to go out with them a couple of times. Most of our fun was spent in the room or hallways of our dorm. Really good times, sometimes deep thought and sometimes real laughter and sometimes just "surface talk" to get through the moment, sometimes it was just complaining. But it was all very real and very tough. I look back at how much I grew in that time and I am so amazed and my heart is blessed because of a couple of friendships I made in college. Honestly, I thought all these other kids (college students) had it all together. I wanted that, I wanted to have it together like them. Truth is, we were all away from home and going through the same adjustments at the same time and all of us just wanted to make a real "go" of it!
It's funny, even as I get dressed everyday, there's a couple things I do, because I learned it college from a roommate/friend and
as my memory recalls the few friendships I made in college, I have to smile!

Wednesday, March 24, 2010


With last night as my reminder, I set forth today to make things different!
I woke up cheerful and didn't huff and puff at Adam for hurting. I allowed Mitchy to sleep and waited patiently for Ya's to tell me the direction she was going!
I ran out to get a few things that I needed, while everyone else continued their sleep!
When I got home, ready to spend the day with my kiddos! Prepared to stay at home with them and cuddle or watch movies or walk the dogs or the just walk I quickly noticed, this isn't what they want!
Slowly, one-by-one they woke up and requested a few different things!
Of course I obliged, I'm here and I get to do it!
As much as I would have loved to just "chill out" with my kiddos, I realize they want to be with their friends!
The taxi was running and phone calls were being made!
I watched as each one of them made their plans for the day. Amazing, that's all I could think! They didn't need me to make their plans or to prod them along, they did it and they knew the 'when, why and where'! I'm impressed and blessed!
The taxi is running and it proves to be a great place to talk with my children! I have found that, when they are excited, they talk more and dish alllll the details!
I kinda like this taxi thing!
I would have loved for all of them to stay home a watch a movie with me, but realistically, that wouldn't have happened!
The 'Taxi-Mom' proved to be the best way to spend a few quality, meaningful moments with my kiddos, best part, I also got to pick them up and do all the listening again!
This 'Taxi-mom' isn't such a bad gig!

Brake Lights Making Me Think...........

as the brake lights brightened and the road parted, my thoughts were not on the "how will that get done" kinda stuff.
My mind went to:
I hugged and kissed Windy
I hugged and kissed Adam on the cheek, only after waiting impatiently for him to limp over! He dropped a two liter on his toe and it's either bruised badly or broken slightly!
I hollered good-bye and I love you, up the stairs to Mitchy!
I griped at Larbo about his snooze habit on his alarm clock (the very reason I took alarm clock duties from him several years ago) I promise no less than 5 times did he hit snooze!
That's what my mind remembered
I quickly braked and swerved and just that quick I was back to 62 mph!
My mind went back to the alarm clock problem, really it was that short lived, even in that moment, I didn't get the point!
The I love yous, the prayers, the kisses and hugs are always comforting!
The complaints, the not taking the time, the aggravation, the anger I show is what makes my heart ache in these moments!
I have to make it a point, to make sure my memories are what I am striving for and not what I got lost in the moment for!

Tuesday, March 23, 2010


Overwhelmed and over thinking!
That's where I am.
I'll be out of it soon, but right now that tunnel is so dark.
I can see the pinhole of light.
Right now, I'm not sure if I'll make it to that light.
Oh course I'll make it to that light, right now it is just sooo far away!
Right now, I'll sit enjoying my 2nd cup of coffee and enjoy the quiet
my mind will continue to go over the list of important stuff that needs to be conquered this week, without fail.
I could cry thinking about everything
If I cry I won't get anything done and then I'll be crying because I cried!
Crying is not going to get the job done!
Gotta do! Gotta get the list accomplished.
It is not difficult for me to understand and know why I do, what I do
sometimes I just wonder how come all at once?
Such as life!
Of course the most stressful part is that I cannot snap my fingers and make it all done!
The overwhelmed, over thinking, overstressed and overworked=the o's!
Almost done with my 2nd cup, so now it's time to accomplish!
It's a good thing the O's can't stop love
love produces the accomplishment or at least the will to accomplish
With a few extra hands helping out this week, the list will get done!

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Everyday and Some days!

Every day I know why
I know my direction and how to get there
I know that without my Savior, I never ever would have made it to this point
I know that without prayer, I am completely lost!
I know that with prayer and love we will get there!

Some days, I just wonder the how and the what next and the how come....
some days, I really just question the direction of the moment!

some days my heart aches more than others!
Once in awhile I wonder if I'll ever really get up off my knees
Everyday, I am thankful I'm there
If your looking for me I'm there, trusting!

She's 18

I'm pretty sure I put a ban on Birthdays back in February! I think it's even in writing......
So how in the world, did our Baby J turn 18?
I wish I knew!
My beautiful niece turned 18 today and I have been in denial all day!
I am NOT old enough to have a niece that's 18!
OK, now that I have made my case, I can move on!
Baby J was born and immediately brought hope to her mom and her aunts. She was the first sign that things were really going to be different, positive, the start of a family as we thought it should be!

A beautiful, amazing young woman moving forward in her life.
As tough as it is to see her grow up, it's also exciting. I can't wait to see her reach her goals and dreams, to see her create new goals and enjoy her journey.
I pray her journey is smooth, exciting, beautiful, amazing and fulfilling. I absolutely adore her and thank God for her constantly! I know as she continues there will still be times where I get to cheer her on, hold her, cry with her, laugh with her, be angry with her, enjoy her but the days where I pray for her and thank God for her will continue on with constantly!
Happy Birthday Baby J! I love you and I pray, hope and dream the best for you, always!

Friday, March 19, 2010

Yesterday Was Different

This morning he turned around and yelled "I love you too" right before he got on the bus!

This morning, I got a "your right mom"! I know I'm right but that teenage boy of mine said it! He agreed with me and then I got eye-contact with the full "I love you Mom!"

This morning she let me help her with her hair! She let me blow dry her hair a bit this morning and she even said "thank you" without rolling her eyes or sighing!

Yesterday, was so different!
The lil one dashed out the front door to barely make the bus, he doesn't like to miss! I barely got my kiss at the door! The bus pulled up I yelled "love you bubba, have a good day" and he climbed up the stairs on the bus without ever turning around to acknowledge he heard me! I know he hears me every morning, he just doesn't have the time turn around, he must get on that bus!

That teenage boy of mine, huffed and yes mommed me, like I aggravated him! I constantly prodded him to "get your act together" and "be respectful" in our short time together, he didn't "get it together"!

The girl rolled her eyes and sighed at me when I asked her if I could help her with her hair! She doesn't really allow me to help her anymore, unless it is JUST to get her part strait! I think she even tried to "yea Mom" me one time!

I'll take the good with the bad, rather than neither. Parenting isn't easy and the good days are farther apart as they grow up!

Thursday, March 18, 2010


Roses are not my favorite flowers, however I do love yellow roses!
Their meaning: Joy, Gladness, Friendship and Freedom!
I think I like what they represent more.
Yellow roses, bring on the feeling of warmth and happiness, much like the sunshine we have been getting lately!
If I could give roses to all my friends, I'd give yellow ones to all!
The warmth and happiness you have been sharing with me lately is worth more than roses and there will never be enough thank yous and hugs to show my appreciation! Please, my friends accept this rose and the warmth and happiness it represents!

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

The Key Turns So Slow......

The moment before the key unlocks the front door, at the end of my day, is filled with nothing but anxiety, the most I face during my day! It's the moment I am the most concerned and anxious! Even if I have the house key out in my hand and put it right in the door, it feels as though it takes forever, that stupid lock takes forever to open!
I walk in and look around and the dogs are acting normal! But I'm still full of anxiety! It takes forever to get my boots off, sometimes I don't even untie them, I just unloop them! Put my keys in the key bucket and DASH up the stairs!
I open the bedroom doors and find all three of my children sleeping sound! I give each one a quick kiss on the cheek and thank God they are ok and sometimes one will wake up, only to roll over and I get a "hi Mom"! They look peaceful and sweet, the anxiety starts to diminish! Our children are safe! I rush over to the master bedroom and find Larbo sleeping well, usually with his glasses still on! I take his glasses off give him a kiss, I usually scare him and make him jump (after work I guess I can be pretty scary), poor guy!
The anxiety is completely gone, my heart rate starts to come down and I am sooo thankful! Once again, I have returned home to my family and they are well! I take a moment and thank God for listening to my prayers all day and specifically the prayers that I begin to pray about 20 minutes into my ride toward home!
I know where my battle comes from and I know where it ends!
Every night as I'm returning home, I fight this battle! I get it, I pray about it and I trust. This is one of those battles that takes a lot longer to win. Maybe, this battle will never actually be beat, maybe it's more of a lesson in trusting God with my family every day, I like to think it is a battle that is won daily! I like to think that daily I trust Him just a lil bit more with my family! I know that He is holding them more tight than I ever do!
My anxiety is gone! I know my battle will start again tomorrow! I know where it begins and why I fight it, I also know it ends....................tomorrow, I'll pray that I don't fight the same battle and I know that tomorrow the key will turn sooooo slow!

Monday, March 15, 2010

Maybe, Just Maybe

We have done something right!

I take that moment and allow myself to enjoy it!

When I look over and see my children getting along and even helping one another, I am so over joyed! I can't help, but to think, we've done a pretty good job!

They were laughing together, supporting one another and just plain being friends! This is such a beautiful sight!

For a quick second,I am reminded of their moment in the car, where they were arguing and notice how quickly they have all moved on!

They are not only brothers and sister, they are friends! The best kind, they can have a fight and be back on track before I realize there was a disagreement!

They even take a minute to laugh at themselves! There's so much joy in these moments!

We all set out so early in the morning, in support of one family member! The boys celebrated and supported her, simply beautiful!

It's that moment, I really realize: They really do love each other!

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Time Change

We were out for an appointment and everyone had to be dressed up! Ok, only Yaya, had to be dressed up, but I figured, Easter's coming and everyone needs Easter clothes! All of them had to dress up for the appointment!

The appointment was early and then you add the time change! Spring-stinkin-ahead! Normally, I would smile at this, but after getting home from work somewhere around 130 and setting an alarm for 530 only after setting the clocks ahead to 230, I thought, "what am I thinking?" off to bed and up early and here we are!
The batteries in our smoke detectors didn't get changed today, like they normally would, along with those light bulbs that are next to them and burnt out! However, they will get changed tomorrow, both the batteries and the bulbs!
Now you take a minute and change your smoke detector batteries, even if they aren't chirping atcha, PLEASE!

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Faux to Mo

This kid loves this hairstyle!
He has been asking for this Mohawk for as long as I can remember. I let the kids have their hair to a degree. For years I have given the "NO" on the mohawk. The biggest reason, I just didn't understand why he wanted a mohawk. Was it to impress, was it scare, was it to freak other people out or was it just for Adam, I just didn't know and he wasn't giving me any "good answers"!
At a hair appointment, months ago, Adam and I searched through the book for hairstyles for men, we came across one that he liked and so did I!! I was so excited, we agreed, no meeting in the middle, we both stopped at this one and loved it! Adam took the book over to the chair and showed the lady. The hairstylist lady, took one look at the picture and said "oh a fauxhawk"! Her words made me stop and look at her like she was out of her mind! But, I already agreed to the style and Adam's face did light up!
It's amazing, immediately this kids positive attitude became more positive and he was walking taller! I like this side of my Adam.
A few months later, the fauxhawk is gone, now it's a mohawk! He takes more time in the morning to get himself and his hair just right. He has now had his curls (that make the mohawk more work) relaxed and now that thing is tall and he is even standing a bit taller and more positive!
Had I have known that it would help Adam so much, I would've allowed the faux/mohawk sooner! But I just didn't stop to think. I know a great hairstyle does me a ton of good, so why wouldn't it do him a ton of good, yep I didn't stop to think about it, but maybe just maybe (this is what I like to believe) it just wasn't time yet!

Friday, March 12, 2010

Some of it's Off to the Left, Time to Get it Back to the Right!

I've been reading my own posts and my goodness, how negative can one person be! Evidently pretty darn negative!
I'm not sure where my positive thinking has been lately, but I am on a mission to get it back in check!! My focus is on the way to where it needs to be! Priorities in check! God first! Lot's of prayer, lots and lots of prayer, God bring me back where YOU want me, direct my focus, turn my heart!
Disciplining my children at the moment where I get to see them, my one time during the day, sure is tough stuff but it's right stuff!!!
Dealing with arguments and homework via the phone, is not my "ideal situation"!
Dishing out chores, on a list or on the phone and checking up on the phone, is NOT my idea of fun!
Good part of all of this, I know it's right! I know I can make it work! I know we, as a family, can do it together!
Discipline, even if only in person in the morning and on the phone in the afternoon, does quite well!
Discipline on the phone, love that "mom-tone" does very well!
I think, sometimes the fact that it's tough, makes it more worth doing and more right!
I find myself saying, just like my Mom has always said, "two-wrongs, don't make one right!" and I say it to my kids, myself, my hubby and my co-workers!
The easy is usually not the right!
Today, as I chatted with a dear dear friend and we talked about all the loves in our lives, I was so blessed! The sharing back and forth, between both joyful and heartaches, break-thru's and set backs!
Her kids have always blessed me and always will, truth be known, I know she feels the same about mine and I find validation in both our relationship and our conversation!
Truth I have found is: Bigger kids, bigger problems!
Another truth I have found: The easy isn't always the "right"!
Priorities in check and life in order! That's the positive!
Oh My WOW, I just love them soo much I want it all right, right now!
It's not that I feel I am so far off to the left, it's just tough for me to admit that I am a lil far to the left and I'm trying to bring it back to the right!

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Where's the Positive........

The positive is in there, sometimes I just have to find it!
I come home and they are fast asleep, resting for the next day!
I have missed dinner
I have missed homework
I have missed the nightly errands and
I have missed everyone being in the same house at the same time!
I miss this all the time!
I get to wake up in the morning to an alarm clock and
I get to be the first one to wake them up and say "good morning"!
I get to hang out in the kitchen with them, while they are moving slowly, and eat breakfast (they eat breakfast, I drink coffee)!
I get to help them with that last minute wardrobe changes and
I get to help them get their hair just right.
I get to gripe at them to pick up their clothes off the bathroom floor.
I get to remind them that I don't like paying NIPSCO extra (turn off the lights).
I get to remind them to brush their teeth.
I get to remind them to throw away the pop-tart box they just took the last pop-tart from.
I get to remind them of their grades daily, usually by phone.
I get to remind them of their chores daily, usually by phone.
I get to help them make plans with their friends, for the afternoon or the weekend.
I get to watch the youngest run to his bus as fast as his lil legs will carry him.
I get to drop the older two off at school!
I get to discipline them at any time it is necessary, via phone or in person. Unfortunately, sometimes that happens in our short mornings together and sometimes that happens on the phone!
I get to be the first and the last one to say "I love you" every day! (they are only awake once to hear it).
I get to talk to them as much as I want! They like the phone and they use it well!
I don't do any of it on my own (I have plenty of help, hubby, and grandparents) but I do get to do it!
Enjoyment, discipline, direction, guidance, caring, loving, I do get to do it all, it's just not in the "traditional" sense.

Monday, March 8, 2010


The white couch, in front of the big picture window. We have two wing back chairs, one on either side of the couch and two round tables covered in mauve table cloths! I can see my neighbors bi level across the way, just to the right of our big tree in our front yard!

Start the assignment:

My first couch that we purchased for our new home, after we were married. I picked it out at Wards, in the clearance section, and then called hubby and he approved it and we loaded it up and took it home! Our home seemed so large. We put it in our living room, where we only entertain once-in-a-while guests and there's no TV in the room. The couch is white and I love it and I only sit on it when company visits. I watch Papaw come over and hold Adam until he falls asleep or they both fall asleep sitting on the white couch, Adam sprawled over Papaw's belly. A small break from a colicky baby.
Later, I am at a women's retreat and hear a poem about eating popcorn on a white couch and it changed my thoughts immediately. I couldn't wait to get home to share.....

My 3 minutes are up.

I performed this writing exercise with pen and paper, to ensure no "backspace" editing. I set a timer and then just wrote. I transferred it word for word here.]

The Assignment:
Here's how it goes: With pen and paper, make a list of ten couches you've known in your lifetime. (This also works with other words, but couches are my favorite because they are central to many moments in your memory.)

When you've made your list, take a deep relaxing breath and find the couch that has the most powerful emotional charge for you. Then begin writing about it in the present tense. Describe the scene.

What's behind you? In front of you? To your left? To your right? Above you? Below you?

Who is there? What are they saying? How does the scene unfold?

Keep writing for three minutes until you've reached the end of the vignette. Keep the pen moving. Three minutes will seem like a long time. But don't stop. If you run out of words, doodle a little till they come again.

Don't edit! Keep the memory and emotion there in all its raw glory!"

This was neat assignment, I could go on! It really got me thinking! Thanks Stephanie for the challenge!

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Long Line Of Love

As I am helping in the planning of a special anniversary, I realize what a special legacy I get to follow!
Many of my family members have been married for more than just a short time! They have stood, pushed past and found what it means to love and keep on loving! During the good and the bad, the healthy and the sick, the richer and poorer! They have done it and they have set the path for myself and so many others in the family! I am absolutely amazed and impressed by the heart of those who have and continue to put effort into their marriage!
To say it is one thing, to watch is another, to live it is completely different!
I remember a few years back, celebrating my in-laws 40th anniversary and how blessed I was by their celebration! I was also blessed by them making it through, what I knew as tough stuff, at the time! Truth be told!
Can I be completely honest?
Like I need an answer to that question!
The longer a marriage lasts just shows how much more work goes on! Then you add, raising children, having careers, owning homes, individual goals and couple goals, then you add goals for your children (that they may or may not reach), then you the whole sickness and health, then add daily life! Now you have a constant goal, constant struggle, a constant unending path, full of effort!
Quite honestly, the goal of a marriage making it, is a goal with unending struggles and changes! 15 years ago, I would have told you: if we make it through 5 years we've got it!
10 years ago, I would have told you: if we make it through the next 5, we've got it!
5 years ago, I would have told you: if we make it through the next 5, we've got it!
Last year I would have told you: if we make it past 17 years, I will consider our marriage a success!
My parents were divorced at 17 years of marriage and I do consider it a blessing that they are divorced! My opinion is, they are far better divorced than they ever were married! You would have to live in my house to know what that statement means!
Now what I have learned, there are many marriages that make it and make it well! Not without struggle and not without concern, but they make it!
Quite honestly, the numbers were always numbers, when I went into marriage, it wasn't lightly and it wasn't on a whim, it was for a lifetime and I believe my husband went into it with the same belief!
But what our family has shown us, is that it not only, can be done, but it can be done with dignity, style and grace! Not without work and struggle!
See, I come from a long line of love and that's an awesome legacy to follow!

Saturday, March 6, 2010

A Good Laugh

Soooo thankful this work-week is coming to an end for me!
It felt as though I was being pulled harder in all directions this week. Hopefully, I'll be able to regroup and get-it-together for the next week, tomorrow.

This picture always makes me laugh and that's exactly what I need this evening!
I was baking and Mitchy came in to "help"! Back then I was selling wedding cakes and baked goods! I'm not quite sure what I was making or who or what I was doing it for! What I do remember is the bowl of chocolate and scooping cookies! My kitchen was a SMALL runway kitchen back then, so I used the dining room attached to the kitchen for extra counter space! I was in the kitchen, probably getting another batch of whatever and turned to find this lil guy covered in chocolate and happy as can be! So I grabbed my camera, snapped a picture and I'm not sure, but I don't think Mitchy was disciplined in the slightest!
Unfortunately, the lesson of grabbing the camera and not sweating this kinda stuff was learned the "hard way"! I remember Adam, he had to be, mmmmmmmmmaaaaaaaaaaybe two. I was doing a wedding cake for a family member and she was having a ginormous wedding, I think 350! Anyhow, same scenario as Mitchy's escapade, I was using the kitchen and dining room to work and working quite hard! I had just taken 'baby gates' down and let Adam in with me, after all he's such a good boy and so obedient!! I walked to the kitchen to get more of whatever I turned around and found Adam covered in icing! One side of a decorated cake completely swiped with finger prints and Adam sitting on the floor with an entire bowl of icing saying "mmmm, mmmm, mmm, mm"! Although I did laugh at him and joke about how cute he was, I didn't get out the camera and snap some photos! I vividly remember a dollop of icing on his inner thigh, with a stainless steel bowl, full of icing in between his legs, hands totally covered, and his mouth full of icing!
See a good laugh! That's what I needed!


Most of the day I kept thinking about how we can never, ever be totally empathetic with anyone! There is no way that we have ever been through all the exact same circumstances, at the exact same age, dealing with the exact same other circumstances, with the exact same mind set, at the exact day!
Sympathetic is easy, especially when you like the person you have sympathy for. Empathetic will never happen completely, for any of us! That word "empathy" gets thrown around alot these days, I'm not really sure how it can be thrown around when you really think about the meaning of the word!

empathy em·pa·thy (ěm'pə-thē)
Direct identification with, understanding of, and vicarious experience of another person's situation, feelings, and motives.

This is the definition I was taught and it is still the one I identify with the most! I also remember being told it was like "being able to stand in someone Else's shoes"! Ever notice how someone Else's shoes never fit right, even if they are the right size. Other's shoes are worn in to their feet and their way of walking and the places they walk and have walked!

I'm one of those that want to help others by what I have learned and learn from what others have learned. I know that teaching and learning are both good things and sharing with, should never stop! However, I realize, no matter how much you want to "empathize" with someone or help them, you never truly know what it is they are going through and sometimes, thinking your being empathic just gets in the way! Sometimes, I just need to be there and not have complete understanding and that's OK!

Friday, March 5, 2010

It's For Me, Not About Me

I'm being worked on and I'm working on myself in so many ways right now! Because of that I am not sure which end is up!
As I was driving home this evening, I noticed how big and beautiful the partial moon was! I found myself saying to myself, this must be God's way of giving back the sunshine we have been missing out on! It was a sunshiny day and a moon shiny night.
But, by the time I got home to take a picture of it, this is what I got!

My thought immediately changed to, what a difference in the moon in just a few miles. Then I started to wonder how big the moon may look to others. Then I realized, this is just as life, my big moon, my awe moment, my vision, my view, my take, is only mine! As much as I want others to be in the same place and see the same thing, this was only for me!
Then I started hearing my own words, "not everything is about you" and then I heard this but, "this is for you, to encourage you"!
That mountain of self sabotage that was in front of me, is now a hill and I can climb a hill! Don't get me wrong, I can climb a mountain if necessary, but a hill is less work and I take my reprieve where it is!

Thursday, March 4, 2010


I have learned something new about myself lately. Maybe I have noticed it before, but now I recognize it!
I sabotage myself, constantly!
I can't believe I am actually saying this!
It's true, it's very honestly true!
I sabotage myself in going forward in so many goals!
It is beyond me, that someone who is soooo goal oriented as I am, can constantly sabotage herself!
I started to recognize this reality a little while back. To be quite honest, it is because of this "weight-loss journey" I have seen it!
A while back I got on the scale and I was only 3lbs away from goal number 1! OK, goal number one was twenty pounds, easy right? Not for me!
Any who, I was 3lbs away and two days later, I was 10lbs away! Are you frickin' kidding me!
I look back and see my exercise habits haven't changed, but my eating habits have!
OK, BACK ON TRACK! Don't get discouraged and move forward, I tell myself!
oh and I did, every time, I DID and I DO! Back on track! Back to 3lbs from goal number one! Two days later, 10lbs. away from goal one! Are you frickin' kidding me????!!
I look back on the last few days of diet and exercise and I see food has changed, exercise and goals haven't!
Wow, ohhhh wow! This has been going on for quite some time! I have been on my "weight-loss journey" since OCT-FREAKING-TOBER!
Well, now I am looking around, and I can see other areas, for myself, where I have sabotaged myself! Honestly, when it comes to hubby and the kiddos, any inkling of not meeting my standard, I get-it-together and I put my ducks in a row! No sabotage in life with my hubby and kiddos, it is only on myself! I see it in all areas that, quite honestly, pertain to me, work, prayer life, friendships, work-life, weight-loss. Of course all the previous areas, can in some ways have an effect on my hubby and kiddos, but until the changes have honestly been made, they don't really notice!
That's where I am at! I realize I constantly sabotage myself!
This is it, this is as far as I have made it. I realize I am my own problem.
Now what Chrissy? What's next? How are you going to beat your own sabotage?

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Wouldn't Have Changed a Thing!

If Anyone would have told me raising these children was going to be difficult and heart wrenching, I still wouldn't have believed them and I still wouldn't have changed a thing!

By the way, I think a few really did tell me, but I was too busy listening to my heart!