Confirmation

my heart just aches
my mind hurts
and I don't know what to do
I pray and I pray
God's answer is just wait
My heart aches more
my mind just gives "away"
and I honestly don't know what to do
I pray and I pray
God's answer "I told you just wait"
God's answer to my heart is "I have this, you really just need to wait, there will be no audible answer to your mind or your heart, you will just have to trust ME"
so I trust in Him! My heart and mind will trust in Him!
Both of us and us "one in the same" will wait and trust and know what He is doing is right, for everyone involved!
Honestly, my heart trusts and my heart continually talks to my head! My mind and my heart pray together, understanding, that each contradict one another and also that each, confirm, one another and also that "they" are on the "same path"!!
So many things can mean so differently and mean so the same!
The difference is hearing from the Holy Spirit!

CONFIRMATION, oh sweet CONFIRMATION!!!

maybe tomorrow!

I sat down to write a post about our weekend getaway!
After being called for "mom" at least 12 times or more!
A husband shouting at the TV, I usually tolerate his yelling when I am watching with him, this time it annoyed me!
Then the flipping of the channels on the TV (yes we have one computer in an open family room, so no one is "alone" on the computer)!
Then the silly dog "farted" behind me and he totally stinks! Really really bad! Whew!
Then another kid with a "coughing" issue!
Now, I have to pee!
Ugh!
Maybe tomorrow, during the day, I can post about our weekend getaway!

The Heart and Head Don't Always Agree

As I say goodbye to a man who was a HUGE part of my life, my head knows "I did right" my heart isn't quite as sure!
It makes my heart hurt and my head spin! Got alot of praying and a bit of figuring and a ton of deciphering in my future!
One thing my head and my heart agree on right now is that, I was honestly loved by him and I honestly loved him back! Another thing my heart and head agree on is the love for the family and friends I have gained and loved because of Phil! I will always be thankful for my time with him and for the love and compassion he has always shown me! For the "push-past-itness" he trained me in!
Thank you Phil for the life lessons you have taught me and continue too!
I love you and will miss you!
My friend, my mentor, my Step-dad!

He's Off By Himself

I sent Adam to meet family in DC! He flew on a plane all by himself! We were able to drop him off right at the gate and Uncle Tony was at the gate in DC waiting for him, so he wasn't really alone, except on his flight.

I was concerned, not that the family I was sending him to wouldn't take good care of him, I was just concerned that he was leaving me all by himself. He did it. He went and everything went well. I hear he was very well behaved and thoroughly enjoyed himself!


He saw so many of the sights, he was able to enjoy his cousins and his Aunt and Uncle without Mom and Dad "hanging" over his shoulder. He was able to trick-or-treat with his cousins, wearing his Uncle's Air Force Uniform, how cool is that!


He was only gone for a few days and they packed as much as they could into that time. The day I picked him up from the airport, I don't know if he was smiling bigger, because of his experience or if I was! I was so blessed by him being able to go and the respect and maturity he showed why he was away. I wasn't sure how well he would do, that far away from home. He is also, very comfortable with his Aunt and Uncle, so I was concerned it would cause him to relax and not be on his best behavior! Boy, was I wrong (or someone is lying to me)!! Turns out he was able to surpass what expectations I had for him and in turn I was blessed! I love it!

I think part of the key to keeping him happy was feeding him often!!

Pretty neat experience for all of us, we all learned something new about ourselves and each other.

The Letter to the Tooth Fairy!

WOW! All I can say is at least he said Thank You!!

I'm A Mess!!

I am such a mess!! I am at work, it is "my Friday" and we are actually slow today! I pray my night continues on like it has!
Having a lil time I have been catching up on blog reading and now, I am a crying weepy mess! Not exactly how one should look when working with locomotives and all men! Uh-oh, I shouldn't have read them, but I did and I think it is a good idea to share some of them
Mimi had me thinking
Beth was blessed by KMart and I was too, just by watching it!
CE talked about the day she gave birth to her precious Miss E
and now, I am what you would call a sloppy mess! Crying weepy, blessed, mess!

Now, add to that:
Yesterday, I went to school and cleaned out my Adam's locker with him in the morning to find "missing homework assignments" ugh! I so thought we were done with this! His locker wasn't nearly the mess it had been before and we did get it organized! To my surprise he did bring home his Math book and was doing the missing assignments when I left for work! I think he is getting it! Adam really is a good kid and turning into a nice young man, on his way to being a gentleman! I love it!

Did I say I was a mess? Crying weepy, blessed, mess! I am!

Last night, I stopped at a gathering of High School friends and I didn't get there until midnight and there were still so many there! I was hugged and complimented and loved on by friends I haven't seen in 20 years! I even got to see some friends that are always close to me! That was amazing and so awesome, I could never have orchestrated that, I know where it came from! I really did not enjoy getting "kicked" out of a bar at 2am, but it was sooo worth it!

yep, I am a mess! Crying weepy, blessed, mess!

At the gathering I was told stories of my sister I have never heard and some I have heard, but hearing stories, good stories of my sister never, NEVER gets old! I loved it!

A MESS!!!!!

Larry didn't go with me, but he got up to talk with me when I got home, how sweet is that?! So kind! He shared a dream he had been having about a friend of ours that passed away in 2008 and we shed a couple of tears together, it was a quiet moment of reflection!

A complete mess!

Oh yea and I am at work, with all men, on the railroad! Who said, "there's no crying on the railroad"? There is now!!

So strange how all these beautiful blessings always make me a complete mess!

The Way I See It:

I have been doing alot of thinking, crying, laughing, celebrating and being a lil sad. October is always a difficult time for me. We are taught to celebrate anniversaries and by celebrating the good anniversaries, we also remember the one's that are not so good!

Yesterday, I was pleasantly surprised on my Facebook page to find so many people feeling as I did. It was validation, I am not crazy and yes it still hurts! As I was reading through the comments, posts, prayers and kind words, all I kept thinking is "how did I get through it?"

The poem Footprints.

The day my sister passed, I stopped believing in God, saying to myself "if there was a God, my God, wouldn't have done this to me!" So, easy enough, there wasn't a heaven or hell or God! Now, that I look back on that time, I am constantly reminded of that poem Footprints. But, when I picture myself being carried by the Father, I didn't believe in, I see so many people behind and on the sides of and in front of us! All these people, were the ones who carried my faith, for me during this time. They were the ones who continued to believe, pray and speak kindness and life into me! Maybe it is strange to you, but not to me. It makes perfect sense, because I still talk and hear from people that tell me they have never stopped praying for myself and my family, that's how I know. I wouldn't have ever come to the place of understanding as I have now, if it weren't for those that didn't give up, who at times were "carrying me" with their faith.

I am once again overwhelmed and the love and support God continues to send and the kindness in people, it is absolutely AMAZING!