I miss you every day! Not a day goes by that I don't miss you, laugh about something you said or did, cry a little inside because I miss you so much!
I was robbed of my time with you and that doesn't go away. Sometimes I want to jump up and down and throw a temper tantrum and tell the world how unfair this is! But, I know better, I know life isn't fair and, like Mom used to tell us, "no one ever said life was fair"! What a tough lesson to live sometimes.
Today is the date of your death and today it hurts pretty bad that your not here. Today everything is coming to the surface again, how we left out for school that morning, how the day transpired and how your life ended and how my day ended. I'll never forget the pain I felt that day.
There's guilt, a lot less these days, but there's still guilt, because I wasn't there. Of course, what would I have done? I'm not sure I could have done anything or what would have happened!
The what-ifs drive me crazy!! Sometimes I feel like I'm going out of my mind! But most days I have adjusted well and I'm only crazy because of "normal" busy stuff!
You know, they have this thing called Facebook now! You would enjoy it! It gives us a chance to connect with people in word and in picture, that we wouldn't be in contact with otherwise! It makes it so easy! Anyway, on your birthday and on today, my FB (that's short for facebook) page BLOWS UP! Friends and family talk about how much they miss you and how much they love you and how much you changed their lives for the positive! You see, you have left an awesome legacy! You have left a positive mark on this, sometimes, cold cruel world! In your short time, you taught people how a word, a smile or even a giggle could change their day and in turn, their life! You have left behind changed people, because of who you are and what you stood for! It's amazing!
Anyway, on days like today the pain is more than usual, I'm reminded of how close we were and how you were always my best friend (something I have had to come to terms with lately) and how I hung onto your coat tails, just to get a glimpse of the positive life you led and to have the fun you were having! You danced when everyone was watching and no one else was dancing and it just didn't phase you, you never looked around to see if someone was joining you, it just didn't matter! You weren't afraid to say what was on your mind, but you did it in a way that was positive (you were so before your time)! All those great memories and who you were make me miss you more, but on today, I'm not sure if I hurt more for me or more for your other friends and family---they hurt too! They miss you too! There's such an outpouring of love for you and the legacy you left. You were such a positive influence on your family and friends that you will never be forgotten and I think your friends and family, love deeper, give more and live life better because you were apart of their lives! I know I do!
I wish every day that your niece and nephews could've met you! I wish they KNEW the Aunt I talk about! But your legacy has given me lots of positive stories to tell them!
Anyways (as you would've said), I'm writing to tell you that I miss you desperately, that your love changed my life and that I'm so lucky to have you as my Sister! I just wish you were here and we could run to the store together or meet for coffee or even share a margarita! doggonit! I'm angry at times, I'm sad at times and sometimes I'm just bitter! But most days, I'm happy!
I'm so proud to call you my Sister! The legacy you have left behind, leaves me alot to strive for! But I promise to always strive for that, to strive for the positive and to leave this earth, when the time is right, as a positive to those I know and love, just the way you did!
Sometimes, I just want you to know how much I miss you and love you!!
Love Your Baby Sister,
PS- I like that word sister! I don't get to use it very often any more, so when I do, it makes my heart leap!!