This is just an outlet for me, to be able to get my thoughts out! I am a Woman, Wife and Mommy that also works outside the home! Just me trying to make it all work for the best for my family and myself! Just my journey!

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Not There Yet

We have come a long way, speaking of the  Women's Movement!
But we still have a looong way to go.
That being said, I know or I believe women and men are created differently.  I also believe, we can be treated equally!
Daily, I am passed up in the  roundhouse, by the crews, as they look for the roundhouse foreman!  They walk in and head to the back and when the roundhouse foreman isn't there (because she is in the other room giving direction) or if she isn't sitting at the desk, behind the computer, they have no idea who the roundhouse foreman is.  They pass me up, never make eye-contact and ask one of the MEN........where's the Roundhouse Foreman.......they immediately give good direction.

The question, from one of my co worker's:
Doesn't that hurt your feelings?

My answer is:
No, it really doesn't hurt my feelings.  It does make me laugh see the look on their face when they realize, they have passed me up 3 times!

Immediately, I am saddened!  I realize how far we have NOT come!

Friday, August 20, 2010

Sometimes They Know n Sometimes They Don't

My anxiety oldest is going into high school, a freshman!  He is going to a very large school, something I didn't do until I went to college (and then it's very different).  To me, the school is overwhelming!  HALLWAYS AND HALLWAYS, CLASSROOMS AND CLASSROOMS!  So many different teachers.....and the amount of lockers, it's insane!!!!!
I took him for an orientation and as my youngest and I followed....I watched him.  Adam acted as though, this was normal, NORMAL!  He greeted friends, engaged in conversation, met a couple of teachers and even convinced me to purchase some spirit wear!  It didn't make him anxious at all, as a matter of fact, it seemed to calm him and at the same point created excitement for the beginning of the school year.  I watched in amazement!
We left and I felt slightly, less anxious about the big school....SLIGHTLY!
We took another trip back to the school, for more beginning of the school year stuff and this time we took Adam's aunt and cousin back with us, as luck would have it (only slightly planned by me), his aunt went to the same high school.
The two of them took off and left myself to watch..........
I was amazed the excitement in both of them began to come over me, it became very contagious!  What I thought would create more anxiety, was the exact thing I needed to calm my anxiety!!
Don't get me wrong....the school is still overwhelming to me, but I'm excited and not anxious (worried) any longer.
Peace comes from a direction, I never anticipated!  I love it
My cousin had no idea how much she helped me, I believe she was just enjoying the moment with my son......but that moment, changed my perspective and I found excitement!!

Tuesday, August 17, 2010


 As we strolled through the mall........School shopping, I looked ahead and saw my boys walking together!  It struck me, as my Adam has always looked like his dad and has always had his mannerisms and even his style of walking....Now he is just about as tall as him!  And looking even more like his dad!  Then I saw my lil guy strolling along behind them and realized that it wasn't going to be long until I would see him walking with his dad in this manor!  
It happens right in front of me and I still can't grasp the reality of how fast growing up really happens! 

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Thanks MO!!!

I was allowed the opportunity to be involved in a very special day...........

an amazing day that celebrated the life of a friend and continued to share the legacy of his life:  

showing love and and sharing love with both family and friends....
that's only a small part of the legacy he left behind! 
In words I can't explain the sense of friendship and compassion he taught me.  
I can't even begin to think of how to say how beautiful his children are and 
I can't even explain the heart they have! 
I'm sure their mommy has alot to do with it also...
one that has such an awesome heart always shares it with someone else that has an equally amazing heart!
 These two kiddos have my heart!  
As I sobbed and I tried to get it together.......I hugged my friend and I took the moment to enjoy Ron's life and what he taught me and the legacy he left behind!
And then I watched them drive off.......on a bike run....that celebrates Mo's life!
Of course I cried, it was just too emotional
the turnout was amazing.....most were people who remembered Ron or were people that were friends of people that knew him! 
I didn't get to join in at the end of the ride.....but I did get to celebrate at the beginning of the ride!  I watched as each last one rode off......all I can say is:  It was beautiful, amazing and emotional!  I loved it!  If we have to let him go, this is definitely the way to do it!

This year, I shared the celebration with my own kiddos....only making it harder.....but reminding me of whats important!  
Thanks MO.....You are a big part of the lessons that have taught me to embrace what is REALLY important!!
I still miss you......I miss your friendship and your love!  You always knew the right things to say and the way to say it!  
I remember you showing up on my worst day (a very low self-esteem day), I don't think I had a chance to do anything to myself, except shower and take care of kiddos and you stopped by and brought me up 1,000,000 levels!  TRUE STORY!!

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

The Perfect Hug

Ever received a hug, that was just perfect?
No words exchanged
No eye contact
Just complete understanding in the hug!
Those are the best
For a moment all the world seems right
When you think of that moment, it makes the moment your in feel right!
I know I have been on the receiving end of those perfect hugs and they have pulled me through.....
I wonder if I have ever been on the giving side of that kind of hug........
I'm not sure what makes it seem so right
I think it's honest understanding....
The person on the giving end just gets you and where your at, at that moment!

Sunday, August 8, 2010

That Darn Key

I'm leaving work
Open the car door, put the key in, start it up, tune the radio, put it in reverse and than drive and GO!
I'm fine for the time it takes me to get out of the parking lot......
As soon as I leave the gate, my heart races
I tell myself every thing's OK and begin to dial
I want to talk to one of the members of my family....anyone will do
If they answer, I KNOW, everything is OK,
I know it's late and it just doesn't matter
if they don't answer I dial again and I dial their cellular phones.....
Most days I get an answer and my heart rate slows for a moment
I drive and I turn up the radio to listen to the talk show I listen to (depending on the night of the week)
Tonight it's vinyl cafe and I love it.....I even laugh
I make it to one of my exits and I can feel myself starting to get concerned and my heart racing
(my radio talk show is over)
I resist the urge to call
and quickly find a radio station with a good up-beat song....
I don't care what station as long as I can sing-along!!  (I really need to hook up my XM radio in the car)
I pull into the driveway,
open the garage door
I feel myself start to panic
I pray......(I pray the entire way home, it's not an option, it just happens)
key in the door, this part still hurts......
I stop to take my boots off (I didn't used too, see I'm dealing better)
I head up the stairs
check in all the rooms
to find everything is OK!
I breath for the first time since I left the parking lot!
I really am getting better at this returning home thing.......It's really not as intense.
Thanks for prayers....

Saturday, August 7, 2010

It's Just Me

Ever since I found out that October 5th is the MOST popular birth date in the USA, because conception falls on New Year's Eve, I have been intrigued, ahem obsessed,  with figuring out other popular birth dates and trying pin point the date that makes it popular.
Is it party season, is it a holiday, is it back to school season....etc
Anywhoo, as I called my friend yesterday to wish her a happy b-day,  laid flowers on my Step-Dad's burial site, as I FB'd several friends Happy Bday and stopped by another to wish them a Happy Bday, bought a gift for another, visited and left flowers at another friends burial site....I realized...............
This is a pretty popular week, couple of days,  for Bdays
Add 3 months.....
Now, I'm wondering......
What is it about this week in Birthdays...
Is it the Halloween celebrations?

is it the first COLD snuggle of the season?
See, your wondering now too!!
Not sure, but I still liked celebrating the lives of many of my friends and family this week.....
But REALLY what is it?
As long as your thinking like me, can you tell me what May 6th is all about?  (20 or more years ago, it was not back to school season, it was right before school season) Hmmmm, maybe one extremely HOT last roll??
At least with Hubby I know, it's New Year's Eve................

Thursday, August 5, 2010

I'll Still Be Cheering

Just realized I'm going to be out of town for this kiddos first football game as a high schooler!  I can't change it and it's been planned since January.....I had no clue he would be playing football!!!!!!!!  He has suffered from Sever's Disease for the past 3 years and has not been able to play!  Thankfully he has grown beyond the Server's Disease and is ONCE AGAIN, enjoying football and for that matter anything that involves any sort of walking/running!
I'm sorry I won't be there the first game, but I will still be cheering my boy on!!!

Sunday, August 1, 2010


I think Hubby and I didn't something very very right, when we bought a home, instead of renting!  I wouldn't have done it and I wouldn't have believed we could actually own a home back at the age of 21...but he did and he pushed...and we looked.....looked.....looked!
We found a home that we both felt was meant to be and meant for us....
We bid and purchased
I love that home, I love the memories and the life it helped to create!  I love that home, I love how small it was!  No one could get away!
The computer was in the dining room, connected to the kitchen (a central area in every ones home)!  There is only 1 bathroom and two kids always shared a room.....that is when we had three.....oh wait two kids always shared a bedroom, we used one room, as long as we could, for a TV room!
I had a formal living formal as you get in a 3 bedroom ranch, without a basement!
I loved that we were ON TOP of one another!
I think that that home helped to create the closeness we share as a family.....and the friendship my kiddos have!  YES THEY FIGHT!  Mostly they are friends, one is NEVER ever left out!  If they are together they are all included and they maybe fighting, but they are together and watch out for one another!
We have been working in that home as a family lately and doing  a "bang up" job!  The kiddos have put time and energy into it as well as Hubs and I!
It was alot of work, but always enjoyable to all of us!
I wonder, when my kiddos are grown up, talking to their kiddos, which house they are going to talk about as home......both houses are still a big part of their lives..........which one holds their heart the most?  Or will it be that they both hold their heart and they view both places as home and share stories about both?  I sure hope the second case scenario is it!
Truth is, when I think of home, my mind is scattered.....a home here, a home there.....a friends home here......a different friends home there.......a home in a car............a home watching a friend have a home.......a place to stay for a night or two, as a temporary home.......
Truth is, I always found a home and made a home.......but there isn't just one or two that hold my heart and honestly, when I think about makes my heart hurt.....there wasn't ever really just a HOME.....sometimes, most times, it was a place to sleep!  Once in a while, my heart would feel at home!
I pray I have done better for my Kiddos and that when they think of home, they think of HOME or even two HOMES that make their heart leap and warm!  I pray maybe Hubs and I have given them that!  Hubs knows the beauty of one childhood home....wonder how our kiddos will handle the thoughts of home after they are grown.....I pray that we have given them a couple places of true home...a place they see as home, even if it is two places!