This is just an outlet for me, to be able to get my thoughts out! I am a Woman, Wife and Mommy that also works outside the home! Just me trying to make it all work for the best for my family and myself! Just my journey!

Saturday, October 30, 2010

WARNING: it's Addicting

I'm sure it was meant to be for evil and created by the devil himself.  It's so yummy!
You should try spanish peanuts evenly mixed with candy corn!
It's addicting.
of course everything meant for evil can be turned!
As a sat in the morning at my In-laws home waiting to borrow a vehicle, I quickly devoured the bowl of goodies (peanuts and candy corn) my MIL made!
As I began to leave, she politely offered up another bowl of sweet goodness!!  I declined, knowing that I would just devour another bowlfull!
I'm quite sure there is no good use for candy corn, it's kinda nasty if you ask me.  The only time of year you can get fresh candy corn is around Halloween, only adding to the yumminess of the mixture!!
Anywho, all things work together for the greater good!!
I pulled up at midnight to return the vehicle I borrowed for the day and a sweet angel appeared, moseyin' down the drive way!  It was my FIL coming out to meet me to retrieve his keys and much to my surprise and delight he handed me a bagful of this addicting mixture, prepared by, another sweet angel, my MIL!!
After a long day and a sortof rough one, it was a welcomed delight and at midnight!!  Have I told you I'm blessed!!  Oh yea, I am!!
Sweetening the deal even more, without thinking about it and just knowing I wanted to save it for the next day, I transferred the baggy of sweet yumminess to the vehicle I would be using the next day!
Yesterday morning my friend and I continued to move her into her new place (whole good story in itself) and we chomped on the mixture my In-laws had worked together to createand deliver to me!  In the midst of our chatting and laughter, I giggled to myself and thought about the sweetness shared with me the day before and how it only sweetened my short time with my friend while getting stuff done!!!
See "all things work together for the greater good of those who love Him"!!
I'm quite sure my In-laws didn't have any idea how that sweet baggy and their thoughtfulness would continue to make me smile and feel blessed but it does!  And then to have it hand delivered at midnight and then to only be sweetened by sharing it with a friend!! 
I've got a sneaky suspicion it was a ploy to get the candy out of their house, nonetheless, they still had to put time into the task and it was for me!!!
That's the good stuff!!
Run out get your candy corn and spanish peanuts and make two baggies full and keep one for yourself and hand deliver one to a friend!  Then make sure you share your baggy with a friend while catching up!  It only takes 10 minutes to devour the baggy and it's enough time to have a cup of coffee, a few good laughs and a heartfelt moment with a friend!  The blessings are beautiful! 
But hurry and do it now, before the candy corn goes stale!!
There's a time and a season for everything!!

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

The Words Of A New Day

the worst words I ever heard:
A few other words were exchanged and I defended my choices and I knew my choices were in alignment!
Of course, as soon as I walked away, I questioned me, my choices and my life.
I couldn't believe I allowed someone to make me question me!
 I came home a sobbing mess!
Met hubby at the door and all he could say was:
Heather (my Just a Good Neighbor) was waiting!
I sobbed some more, stupid stuff and hubby shoved, literally shoved me out the door!
I DON'T NEED SHOVING!  I go out with a smile, it doesn't require movement from someone else.
I was settled in for the "no fruit and bed thingy" (I just wanted to run from everything) and Larbo said goodbye!
Even better was my friend who said "hello and we're leaving"!!!
Then  the words " does she know what your doing?  Does she know who you are?"
I couldn't even answer.......
all I could do was pick up my glass and take a swig
I took stock!  With the help of my friend I looked at me,
I looked at my life, I looked at my family and I looked at my friends
all was in CHECK!!!!!!
My life was in good alignment (mostly)
I backed off of myself
I repeated the scripture, that was NOT part of my daily scripture vocabulary:  He who does the will of my Father in Heaven will enter.  I was calming and finding peace again, in who I was and who I was becoming!
My friend, was allowed, even further into my heart and my life at this time, I really heard what she was saying.  I allowed her to see me hurting and NOT being positive and I was OK, I was better than ok, I was me, really me and she didn't run and she didn't leave, she stayed and she listened and she loved me for me!
The most hurtful words that had ever been spoken to me, threw me in a different direction and they turned out to be a beautiful blessing, I became me!
Best of all, those hurtful words showed me the friend I had that was there all along!
Making the judgment of fruit or no fruit is not for someone else to do, it's a very personal prayer between yourself and God!!
Believe half of what you see and  none of what you hear!!!

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Date Night is Important!

I'm so thankful for being taught that "Date-night" is special and should be taken seriously.  I'm so thankful for being "pushed" to go hang with "the girls"! 
I had a last minute Friday night off! 
Adam had a mole removed  and since he has never even had a stitch and maybe one blood test his whole life (THANK GOD), I was a little nervous about how he would do, so I walked into work and took Friday off!!  When asked, if I had my shift covered, my answer was simply, "it just doesn't matter, I need to be with my guy tomorrow and I'm not going to be here!"  Of course, I NEVER do that, so it was covered!  My guy did extremely well, a few jitters, but a great/fantastic nurse went and found my big guy some gum and told him to focus on chewing the gum and blowing bubbles!! WORKED LIKE A CHARM!!  I'm so thankful for our nurse and the Doctor who was so down to earth and made Adam feel comfortable!
Anywhoo, hubby found out I wasn't going in Friday night and he said, "oh good, I'm coming home to take you to dinner"! 
I was so excited, but we both knew that it may or may not happen, depending on our patient! 
Honestly, it didn't matter, what mattered was that hubby made it a point to put me first, he made me the priority!  Of course, both of us had our oldest at a higher priority!
Patient was doing well!!  He had recovered fine and wasn't in any pain!
After talking to hubby a few times, I realized, work may not be able to let him get outta there!  None the less, I was going to get ready for date-night!
I was just about ready and wondering to myself how long I would stay "dolled up" before I put my pj's on and I heard the diesel pulling into the drive!!!!! 
It happened we really went on a date! 
I love date night!  What I love more, is knowing that I'm his priority #1!!  Cooler than that is knowing that our priorities line up together, so even though I'm his priority, our kiddos are our priority!  It all falls in line!
My  heart melted as he told me about telling his boss "I'll come in tomorrow, but tonight, I'm taking my wife to dinner"!
For two hours, we shared food and laughter, stories about both our jobs and our individual and together stories of our kiddos!  It was a perfect night!
I'm so thankful for being taught, by my in-laws, that date night is important, I'm even more thankful that hubby got that lesson too!!
BTW, I'm so glad that mole on Adam has been removed!!  After 15 years of constant watching, I'm so glad it's over and there wasn't anything of concern about it!!

Friday, October 22, 2010

Words/Lines That Made The Difference

Lines/Words that have made a difference in my life.  Either spoken by me to someone else or to me from someone else:

You look happy



Your smile is beautiful

I'll cry with you

I'll pray for you

I'm here for you 

You're never alone

You are my priority

I love you
The last two are the two that have made the largest impact on my life, but the last two are encompassing of all the above statements.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Just a Good Neighbor

When we had neighbors, at the other house, there was a time when the house next door was up for sale!
I spent days and weeks praying for a good neighbor.  I asked for someone around my age with children, but I tried not to push, asking mostly for just a good neighbor!
Not that I didn't have good neighbors already, because we had great neighbors.  But they had lived in their houses for 20+ years!  They were in a different stage of life than I was.  I needed someone in the same stage of life as myself!
At the time, I just waited and prayed.  I had no idea what God had in store for me!
The kiddos and I, only the big one and Ya's at the time, pulled up after working out at the church and there were people moving in next door!
They looked young, like me!  I saw a couple of kiddos!! I couldn't wait to go up and introduce myself!  Answered prayer, I thought to myself!
I'm not sure if I took anything inside my house or if I ran right up their new drive and introduced myself and my kiddos!
I think I scared my new neighbors a bit.  I think they thought they were living next door to a crazy lady.  But they were polite and chatted with me a bit and then  I let them get back to work!
Before long, my neighbor and I were sitting outside, watching our kiddos play and having long conversations about EVERYTHING, helping each other move furniture or paint before the hubby's got home or even chatting on the telephone to each other for hours on end!!! She was pretty candid, very real!  She wasn't afraid to tell me about the good, the bad or the ugly!  I soooo  wasn't there yet!  But I shared good (ONLY)!  I think she knew there was bad and ugly, but she waited on me!
Our neighborly duties turned, almost immediately, into friendship!
Our kiddos became friends and our relationship continued to develop!
As she was able to laugh at life and talk about what wasn't pretty, I started to understand that it didn't change my view of her!  It didn't change who she was, what it did do is make her more REAL to me and I loved her even more because of that!  She was very real and the best part was she wasn't afraid of being real!  She was and is so good for me!  It's because of her, that I laugh more now, I'm ok with being really real, really into life!  Not living some painted picture because I was too afraid for anyone to see any different!  It is/was because of her that I started REALLY living all of life!
On started a new look at life for me! She taught me to be real, right from the moment we met!  She taught me not to take myself so seriously, that I could laugh at life a little and not pretend everything was ok, but to be REAL!
I'm so thankful for my friend that was only supposed to be a "good neighbor"! 

You know it's the start of a beautiful relationship when:  
furniture is being moved, walls are being painted and trees are coming down.....
all before the hubby's get home from work!

Saturday, October 16, 2010

I'm A Faucet.....

Ya'll, it's gotta stop!!

I thought that even I, would have a point where my tears dried up.  
I guess I'm wrong, I'm a stinkin' faucet!  
I can't mak'em stop, 
so could y'all stop blessing me  
stop being so sweet 
just be mean to me for a minute
I've got to get my act together!
(there's no crying on the rr)!!
I don't think I've made one trip to work this week without tears 
I haven't worked one shift without tears streaming down my face at some point!
and it's not because I miss my sister..
it's because you all love her and me so much
It's because your memories are so beautiful
it's because I never once felt alone this week
It's because I have been blessed abundantly-------honestly, more than I could have ever imagined!! 
I need to put make-up on, I haven't worn any in over a week (so NOT like me to go to work without any)


I'm just kidding!!
Thanks to everyone for your time and your prayers, thoughts, hugs, love and memories.  I never imagined ever feeling so blessed in my life! 
Thank you all SOOO much! 

Friday, October 15, 2010

The Planned Day

Some days, I just have to go through the motions.  I just have to do, what I am "supposed" to do and hope for tomorrow!

Some days, I am excited for what I need to do and I don't just go through the motions, I add a lil' extra, I take the extra step, I need to go the extra mile!

Some days, I just need to sit and not "do" any of the to-do list or the supposed to-do list!  I need to put on a certain shirt/sweatshirt, maybe a pair of workout pants and brew coffee all day long and just sit and watch the day go by and just ponder in my mind all the people and things I am thankful for!
A stop and smell the roses kinda day!!

Some days, I need to do all of the above!

But all days need to end the same way:  
a kiss/hug from the hubby that lets me know, I'm going to be ok, no matter what my day was like!  A peek in on the kiddos and see them sleeping snuggled in their beds, safe and sound! 
That's the part where I know my day went as planned 
and not by me!!

Thursday, October 14, 2010

38 years

Today I am posting what I wanted to post yesterday!  Internet went down at home and the phone company is still in the process of repairing and I didn't have time to hit a coffee shop, like I did today!
That being said, I believe EVERYTHING happens for a reason and yesterday just wasn't the day to post!
For 38 years Windy has been my best friend and I am lucky enough to call her my sister.  Although,  she was taken from us when I was only 15 she continues to challenge me to succeed!

For a while my success was really, just breathing!  I wanted the pain of missing her to stop and the only way I knew how was to stop breathing.....Windy stopped me!  Many of times I would hope for life to end and every time I thought it, I could hear my sister telling me "NO"!  and everyday she challenged me to get out of bed!  Always reminding me "I wouldn't want things that way"!  I can still hear her lil cartoon character voice "Christine, get out of bed and quit hiding behind me"!  Some days, I would lay in bed just a lil longer, reminding myself how much Windy enjoyed her rest and sleep!
But everyday she made me get up!  My thoughts of her and my memories compelled me to carry on, more than her loss made me want to give up.
Her go get-it attitude and her "true-to-herself" ways, forced me to head back into life, right back where her and I left off!
The hallways of high school!
When I entered the high school, I realized how much she was loved by everyone and her life HAD to be celebrated, even though it was a short life!  Her personality and her truthfulness, coupled with her great heart for people, her friendliness and her smile....needed to carry on!
But there I stood, no one to hide behind any more, no more coat tails to ride on!  I had to make my own friends and find my own way.......  insert HEART DROPPING here!
Eventually, I realized, Windy had been my "go-to" my friend maker and my confident, but she was also my teacher!  As time went on and I got out of bed each day "just because that's what Windy wanted" I was making my own way, her friends were not just her friends they were mine too and I had friends that were my friends and her friends too!  She had taught me a life lesson in our short time together! 
She continues to teach me every day, she continues to help me grow into a better person every day!  She continues to be a reason why I get up each morning!  She taught me about sweet success in our time together and that my friends is what pushes me forward and on and past.....but it isn't that alone, it isn't even a smidgen of the's relationships with people that move me.....Windy taught me how to have friendships, strong friendships!  That's what moves me past and onward
I wait for the day when I can actually hear her voice tell me she's proud of me, but I am not in a hurry!  I have alot to do and Windy keeps propelling me forward, reminding me that "I wouldn't give up, I'd keep going forward to the next success".   My friend and my sister is gone from the earth but NOT gone from my life, she is a HUGE part of who I am today......
So for 38 years she pushes me onward
I have so many friends and family to thank, throughout the years, their generosity with love has been overwhelming.....much as yesterday was......
Just when I allow myself a lil pitty party, someone steps in and tells me a great memory or that her smile made their day or that she was "just nice" to them.  I am so thankful for all of these wonderful memories and thoughts, it's really the "small stuff" that makes a difference!
and YES some days I just lay in bed and enjoy my rest, because that's what Windy would do!

Monday, October 11, 2010

The Apology

Why are apologies so hard?  It shouldn't be, it's apart of living life.  We are taught in our early ages how to why is it so hard?
I think it's because I have to admit I'm wrong and I hate being wrong, I HATE doing something wrong.  It leaves a pit in my stomach and an ache in my heart.
Even more difficult and heart-wrenching is apologizing to my children.  I'm supposed to teach them right all the time and when I do wrong and I realize it, the guilt is horrendous..........and then to make it right and show them right, I have to admit the wrong and ask for their forgiveness and honestly, I have to be willing to accept that, my child/children may not be ready to accept the apology or forgive me!
Now that's tough stuff!
The positive kiddos are usually very forgiving and today wasn't any different!
More created a new openness in our family, another channel to open up through.
My oldest kiddo has always been extremely (really extremely) open with me.  I want that with all my kiddos.  Lately, my oldest kiddo has begun to close himself in.  I've tried to pull, I've prayed and I've even tried to wait on him.  I pray the waiting is over and I have my openness back with my oldest!
Only time will tell.
Y'know I knew that as my kiddos got older the things they deal with would get more difficult, but I didn't want them to go through it, I didn't want them to have to deal with that difficult stuff.  Truth is, they have too.....they have to learn how to cope, they have to learn how to solve problems and if Mom's always "jumping in" they won't learn any of that!
I'm learning how to take the back seat in my kiddos lives, I'm learning how to wait on them, I'm learning how to let them pray their own prayer......but it's hard......I want to take care of everything for them.  I know that, if I do that, I'm doing them an injustice and I'm  NOT training them up in the way the should go!  I have to learn how to let them "own" their mistakes and "own" the solution (even if it's the wrong one).
After all that's been said, I need to learn how to apologize gracefully and own my mistakes with them, even if it's apologizing for the mistake I made, after I apologized for the first mistake!!!!  UGH
I'm so thankful that, even as a parent, I'm allowed to apologize and that I'm allowed to be forgiven and that I CAN be taught the right way to parent.  I'm also thankful that my kiddos know that I DON'T have it all figured out..........I hope, they have at least learned "the apology" from me!

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Small Stuff, REALLY.....

it's the time we are walking through Walmart and Larbo grabs my hand.........
it's the one more quick kiss before the lil one catches the bus
it's the co-worker that says thank you......
it's the big one that takes an extra minute on getting his hair just right
it's the text from a friend that says "I miss you".......
it's the extra quick kiss from hubby before he walks out the door for work......
it's the girl bouncing down the stairs feeling confident cause she feels good..
it's the venting with a cousin
it's the chatty Kathy the big one turns into when he feels good about him
it's the donuts Papaw brings by in the morning just because
it's the wink from across the room, from hubby
it's the pot of coffee that's already made in the morning
it's the hug from a friend
it's the kissy kisses Grandma gives on the phone
it's the flea market find Grandpa drops off on the porch when we're not home
it's the niece/nephew that says something sweet
it's the positive comment on a facebook status.......
it's the concern I hear in someones voice
it's the phone call that says, hey, how are you?
it's the quick cup of coffee I can share with anyone close
it's the dog that curls up on my lap just to get pet
it's sun on the porch on a warm autumn day
it's the "dinners so good mom" I hear
it's the celebration of a good grade I get with any of my children
it's the instructor during workout that makes eye the contact, that says, good job
it's the email that says "good job"
it's the text from a friend that says "WE did it"
it's the <3 on a text or fb post
it's the "I love you" that's spoken at the end of a phone conversation
it's the "kiss the kids for me"
it's the laughter shared with a friend, anytime
it's the email forward, I received
it's the reminder I get about a friend, from another friend.......
it's the extra snuggle at night, just because
it's the compliment when it isn't expected
it's the small positive stuff that makes all the difference in the world!  It's the stuff we don't sweat and just do that  makes the difference,  for me!!!!
I never really thought about it until my coworker (really employee) walked in this Friday and said to me: "Chris you can sleep well tonight"!  I didn't talk about it much at work, but the lunatic on the loose that was shooting people had me crazed and insane and my some of my coworkers realized that and this gentleman, took the moment to come in, before our shift (I'm already working) to smile at me (that I understand you smile) and let me know, he knew I was hurting on the inside!
Then I realized how much the "small stuff" the stuff that doesn't take any time or any effort, how much that stuff really means!  What a difference the small stuff makes!
So as we are not supposed to "sweat the small stuff" what a difference the "small stuff" makes in our lives!!
For me, it's just that moment where you know someone is thinking about you and takes the moment to express it.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

20 Years Waiting - Almost 2 Years in the Making

I think this was a retake of a prom
A prom I wasn't able to attend
SO happy to be apart of it this time!

  I was worried, concerned, nervous, crazed, excited and overwhelmed all at the same time!
I just wanted it to go right!

Then, set-up was done early and we were waiting for classmates and guests to arrive!! 

All the worry, concern, nervousness, craziness were all unnecessary!!  The excitement was right on!  Overwhelmed changed to a different overwhelm, the kind where your just overjoyed! 

Classmates started filtering in little by little!  
a friend a I that reconnected
during the planning stages
The room went from a semi-quiet with a few busy classmates and their spouses setting up, to a room full of talkative, hugging, photographing, catching up classmates! 
Hubby and I. 
I thought we took a pretty good photo


I enjoyed every minute of it!  Even the first part where I was nervous, crazy, concerned and overwhelmed!

It was our first class reunion in the 20 years we have been out of high school!
The almost two years of planning was soooo worth it!  I'm so glad I didn't waste my time and my friends time planning it!!

My husband and I went to high school together and we were in the same class.  We were not high school sweethearts, but we were friends in high school!  When I saw him, having a good time and enjoying himself and catching up with classmates, I REALLY relaxed!  It was right!

The night flew! 
The bar opened a little early, as we were ready early! 
The dance floor was used WAY MORE than I expected,
they were, I mean, we were catching up and dancing at the same time,
we have always been a class of good multi-taskers
(of course that comes from being a class of  "good" procrastinators)!! 
(I'm included in both those statements)

I saw more classmates than I expected. 
Maybe someone said something bad or didn't like something that the reunion committee had planned or did, but I didn't hear anything............

my only regret is that I didn't take my camera, I was too stressed to think about taking pictures or even taking my camera with,
I actually made the decision NOT to take it :(

Monday, October 4, 2010

He's Such A Good Guy!! A People Person!!

I can't wait to post about mine and my hubby's 20 year reunion that I stressed out so bad about!!
I can't wait to tell you that it is his 39th Birthday and me and the kiddos are sending him to work with a lemon cake with awesome lemon glaze and yes, candles!!!!!  And I know his friend (and mine) will make sure the candles are lit!!  Even if I have to call her!!
But after a great weekend and a good day, I'M TICKED!!! 

My Hubby has an awesome heart for people!!  He has a good heart in general, but when it comes to "people" he goes above and beyond!
Which is why, I was so happy to answer the phone for a person he has gone above and beyond for!!  He drywalled her house, 3 (frickin') years ago!!!!!
 My hubby gave up his drywall business that supported us for over fifteen years!!  All due to his, stick-toit-ness!!!  I love him and I love his go-getter attitude and I absolutely love and adore his heart for people!!!
This woman has been on his butt for over 3 years!!  I have let him handle it and be there for her!!  I have watched as he 'did his thing' and took care of business!!  Because that's Larbo!  He goes above and beyond always!!  He makes sure not only his friends are taken care of, but that his clients are too!!
He is an amazing man, and I do admire him!
Much the same as I do, I have discovered over the years, that he looks for me to help him keep his boundaries!!  I look at him for the same for me!!  (My times come way more often)!
My boundaries tend to be tight and Larbo loosens them, by his honest heartfelt explanations!  But tonight it was my turn to step in!
When she called me the "b" word and threw the "f" word in and challenged me that I couldn't stop her!  I  was done!!!!!!! 
My words were quite simple, 3 years later! 
"my husband has gone above and beyond and you are going to make him sick!"  Her response wasn't nice, right down to calling me a liar!!!!!!!  I AM NOT A LIAR!!!!!   I am a wife that loves her sweet husband beyond compare!!!!!!!
Quite honestly, this woman's "beef" is with the builder she had originally and with the taper she allowed in recently!!!!!  The LAST thing I'm going to do is allow my kind-hearted husband to do is to go back there!  She is a pesterer!! She has been taken care of, above and beyond (and even she can't argue with that)!  But now I'm done!  I've explained to her that my hubby's part is done!  She is not to call us any more!  That my hubby has gone above and beyond and that if it takes changing phone numbers to make her leave us alone I will!
My husband is a great guy and he was an awesome business owner and a DAMN good drywaller!!  None of that will EVER be taken into question!!  If it takes me to allow my boundaries to protect us, it's done!!  That's why we are such a good team!  He stretches my boundaries for people and I shorten his boundaries for people!!  We balance!! 
But be prepared my friends.........I am willing to turn mine and his world upside down for our protection!!!!!!!

Friday, October 1, 2010

Not Like This

One day, I'll post pics of me and my weight-loss!  One day, I'll believe it!!
I thought I would do it at 40lbs of weight loss, but I'm so close and not quite there yet!!  I'm so freaking close!!
I had a great day of great choices!!  Except, I came home and in my cabinet, on top of the plates was (I should be writing is, but it really is a was) a bear claw, with my name on it!!!!! 
MY Mom is the most awesome!!  OK, my name wasn't on it!  Maybe it was for Larbo (this is the after talking) but it was yummy!!  There's still half on the plate!!  FOR NOW!!  (Really, I've had enough)!!  But this means, I know tomorrow I won't be posting that pic of me with a 40lb. weight loss!  I'll still, hopefully be at a 38lb loss!!  OH I HOPE!! 
I could have just gone to bed and never looked!!  For some reason, I looked in the kitchen this evening, something I rarely do after returning home from work!! 
FYI:  I still don't see any loss "in the mirror" (which is maybe why I need a photo), I do see it in the sizes I'm purchasing and on the scale!! 
I just wonder, is it possible to have to good of a self image??  Is it possible that an almost 40lb weight loss can go unnoticed, even by the "loser"??  Hmmm, I don't know!  I do know, that it makes sense to me now, why losing weight has been so hard for me all this time!
Hence, the unnoticeable weight loss to me, the bear claw waiting in the cabinet and the fact that I haven't given away any clothing yet, I won't be posting a photo of me with my "supposed to be" noticeable weight loss!!