This is just an outlet for me, to be able to get my thoughts out! I am a Woman, Wife and Mommy that also works outside the home! Just me trying to make it all work for the best for my family and myself! Just my journey!

Saturday, February 27, 2010


I smile every time I picture you dancing in the streets in pure freedom!

Some how, that never changes the fact that I miss you!

I'm Still a Girl

I've been through so many changes and different "times" in my life! I have gone through so many normal changes, from single woman, to wife, to mother, to stay at home mom, to work outside the home mom! One thing in common with all of them, I'm still a girl!
The changes have gone from there to here. I just have to wonder where I will be next!

I cry when ANYONE sings the National Anthem!
I cry when an athlete, a singer, an actor/actress thanks his/her family!
I cry on my way home from a good day at work and a bad day at work!
I laugh at anyone being silly, whether my children, my husband or his friends or my guys at work!
Some days, I really want to cry at work and I even threaten to do it but I never do! At least not in front of anyone!
I cry when any of my children have done well and when any of them haven't done well!
I applaud or cry when I get on my scale! (there's no room for anything else!).
I laugh and cry when I connect with friendships that I accidentally left behind!
I cry, laugh, focus or just enjoy the moments, when I connect with my husband and the moments when we just don't "get" each other!
I laugh when one of my children tell me a joke! (good joke or not so good)
I cry when any of my children talk about not doing well!
I am sad when one of my children tell me about not doing so well in school!
I cry, only inside, and I am joyful, when I steel one of my children away from one of their friends, for some time with me!
I smile and enjoy the moment, when any of my children tell me about a friend they enjoy!
I ache, when any of my children are hurt by a friend!
I have major pain and anger when one of my children have hurt one of their friends and of course, if needed, I share their cry!
My heart leaps and I enjoy a moment where I can sing with any or all of my children, with or without the radio, on key or off key!
I laugh when my hubby keeps me on speaker phone at work just to get a laugh!
I am very angry when I realize, I have allowed myself to be taken advantage of.
My heartaches, when I realize any one of the four of them were waiting on me to recognize!!

Friday, February 26, 2010

The Balancing Act

I feel as though I am always trying to find a good balance between all the different hats I wear. As soon as I think I have found it, I realize, I didn't.
The lie here would be to believe, that every time I realize I didn't find balance I have failed. The Truth is I didn't fail, I am a work in progress, Thank God. However, my mind screams FAILURE!
Ugh, it hurts.
At work, my heart is still at home. I manage my household from work. I send my children to school in the morning and grab my only hug and kiss of the day from them and say "I love you and I'll see you tomorrow". Those words grab my heart.

At work, I am never "fully" at work, because my heart is at home. I love my job and the career it has turned out to be. I am truly blessed to be able to accomplish what I have in such a short time and still have the support of family and friends.
There's an honest reality here, it's that I am still at home even though I am a working mom.
Many days I walk out my door and the house isn't, in anyway shape or form, ready for company. Truth is we have company everyday. I think they are getting used to my balance of unbalance.
I don't think I will ever be totally at work, I believe that this is my balance at work. I think I would move up in my career quicker if I would be totally at work, however that's not going to happen, not ever.
I try to find balance between all the things I do that is all about me and those things I do for family and those things I do for others. Truth is, that balance constantly changes, sometimes I go one way more or the other way more!
These truths are not always easy for me to accept. Thankfully, I don't do it alone.
It's constant balance of unbalance. I know I may never completely arrive, but I try to enjoy the journey even though some days, the journey hurts!

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Growing Pains

As I have been looking back on my last year of goal seeking and changes, I am seeing a few things I learned without even realizing it or maybe just without giving the proper thanks for the training and teaching I have received!
I know I have talked about my goals for last year alot throughout this last year and this year, but it was to become a better friend.
More reality I recently received, was that along with being a good friend to others, I need to be a good friend to me!
I am not a friend of my children and I am not sure if or when that will ever change(a reality I have always known).
A couple of my realities that I have been able to be thankful for, only recently:
Some friendships are worth the effort and others are just too high maintenance. This doesn't mean I stop loving or caring, it just means, it's time to stop putting time and effort into those relationships.
I have learned that fewer focused friendships are far faaarrr better than many "top-surface" friendships!
I have learned that just because you have a good laugh with someone, doesn't make them a "friend", acquaintance is the proper term for this kind of relationship.
I have learned that a few friendships will be there for only a time and require effort and energy and soon each of us will move on. This doesn't mean it isn't right to be friends with people just for a season! It's totally right on the mark!!! Some are only for a season and that's really OK!
I have learned that few friendships, honestly, stand the test of time and to be blessed with such a friendship is far and few between!
I have learned that girls/woman (ok me) find growth in all these different types of relationships.
I have, seen myself pull away from a few relationships, as they become detrimental to me and that's a great reality! To be able to see when a relationship is going to far one way or the other. To be able to see that, sometimes the giving becomes too much and takes away from relationships that are necessary and need that time. One year ago, this thought would have hurt me, all good realities come in due time. For me, this reality hit the mark!
As far as being a good friend to me, it was the realization that it's ok to put more into some friendships and less into others and it's ok to have a few acquaintances. It's quite honestly, ok to share a laugh and not give of my heart, to just enjoy the moment of laughter. It's ok to be a shoulder to cry on for a moment, for a friend or an acquaintance.
The biggest reality for me is that it's ok to want that friendship I used to have and know/understand it will never be replaced. That spot in my heart for my friendship with her is filled with lots and lots of great memories and it's ok to leave them there and not try to, clean it out and fill it with a different friendship. The effort and energy that has been placed in replacing that needs to go to another area. Instead of that being a part of hurt/concern, this piece of my heart becomes a place of peace, strength and enjoyment.
I am truly thankful for the direction given in this area of my life. The reality of this goal sometimes hurt and honestly, I didn't expect that! I thought this would be an all fun goal, sometimes it was fun. There were many growing pains with this goal and I am sure many more to come. I'm so thankful for this being placed on my heart and for the realities, truths, strengths and weaknesses it has brought to the front for me.

Sunday, February 21, 2010


I have had another Birthday go by and have been attempting to set my goals for the year. I don't really do, the whole, New Years Resolution thing. I just think it's something to chat about around the time of the New Year. It's just me, but I don't take it very serious! However, at my Birthday, every year for quite a few years, I set my goals and desires for that year. I pray over what I think it is that I want or need and then wait for confirmation and then I write down what it is, in front of me, that is necessary for my life!
This year hasn't been any different, except for the part where it has taken more time than I want it to, to really, nail it down! I still haven't really got it, I have ideas and thoughts, but I am still praying daily for specific direction.
If I just wrote it, just because it was time, I'd have some pretty vague, hokey goals! Like Complete the laundry or get my house clean or take down those last couple Christmas decorations that are stiiiiillll outside! But since I am very goal driven, it's not a good idea for me to just write whatever comes to mind! Once it is written down, it really becomes a goal, no matter how hokey or silly it may be!
Now is commitment time!
Last year, I really focused on becoming a better friend. This was a really good focus for me and yes I am going to continue that. Becoming a better friend doesn't need to be a goal for me this year, because it has become part of my life goals and a constant on my heart and mind. I like that it turned into being part of who I want to be.

I have a few things I really want to "go for" and feel lead to head toward this year. I don't necessarily think that I will meet all of my goals this year, but I do believe I will get the forward motion and start heading down that path!
Back to the whole friend goal, I honestly believe God placed that on my heart at such a perfect time in my life. When the goal was set, I had no idea the year I was going to face, I knew how difficult the year before was. All I knew was that, being a better friend was a necessary for me. Focus outward instead of inward, but like I said before, it's impossible to give and not receive. What I found this past year was that I liked who I started to become by focusing even moooore outward! As a Christian I always knew my focus should be outward, however knowing it and doing it are different. One thing I have learned is that the whole "focusing outward" is constantly changing as I grow. It's not a "this is it" kinda thing! As I grow as a person, I find that I am a constant "work in progress"! I like that, I think it is a good place to be! What my focus should be this year for me being a "work in progress" isn't completely specific right now. Specifics are in the works. Since, I am goal driven, this is KEY to becoming who it is God sees in me and not just who I think I should be!
I like that I am a "work in progress" and quite honestly, I don't see it as a bad thing!

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Another Aha

Today, so many great things happened! I really can't get them off my mind and my heart!
First, let me remember where I thought I was!
My best friend is Larbo! I went through a spell, for the past couple of years, curious, if I relied on him too much. I really wondered if he, really got everything or even he even cared about everything that I do!
I have also been REALLY angry, over the years, that my best friend or who I thought would be my best friend for life (bff, bestie) is gone and I have never found a replacement for her! Not that a replacement is what I have been looking for, it's honestly just the fact that who I thought would be here at my side and my BFF and my Bestie isn't here and that's something I never planned for and haven't gotten used to!
I have been jealous, over the years, of sister relationships! When I say jealous, I mean, really, upset and angry jealous! I really mean that, two-year old, tantrum throwin' "it's not fair, I had that and now it's gone!!!" Wow, what a moment for me, I really admitted, some major jealousy to myself here! Sadly, I have also been blessed with a MIL with lots of sisters and a close family, sadly I have always been a bit selfish as I have watched their interaction over the years! I get soo angry with myself over it! I knew I should be enjoying the relationshiop my MIL shares with her sisters and to "some degree" I did, but never all the way! What I was missing still hurt and this was a constant reminder of what could have been and what was stolen! Yep, hard stuff! Jealousy is so hard, it's not only an emotion, it's a passionate emotion and it is a party to hatred and it is a reality, a reality I know I have to face and deal with and never to surrender to (although I have a few times)!
Today I had a chance to meet with a friend that I haven't been face-to-face with in years!!!!! Through FB we have chatted lately, but today, I got to hug her and meet her and talk, talk face-to-face! I am so blessed! It really felt as though, we were just catching up. It's amazing when you share a love between friendships and pick it back up, some 20+ years later! I am honestly in awe of the restoration of true friendships, even after years and years. My day could have stopped there and I was already "over the top"!
I looked over my friends shoulder to see, two other friends, they are sisters, and they were sharing a meal together! They were chatting and laughing and even got serious a time or two! Yes, I did stop to watch. This is what I usually do, when I find sisters enjoying one another. On one-hand I really enjoy watching the relationship of sisters and on the other hand it makes me think about what is gone. Then still, it makes me remember what I had! I am so blessed by what I had!
But today was different! I just enjoyed seeing them and seeing them spend time together! I was blessed by the fact that they were sisters and blessed by one another and also that they had embraced that relationship!
My AHA moment
I wasn't, in the least bit jealous! I wasn't angry or sad and I wasn't thinking about what I was missing! I was enjoying their time together (I guess you could say I was dropping in on their time). It wasn't until a couple of hours later that I realized what had happened today. After all the years of praying the jealousy away, and trying to work through it, without even knowing it, the jealousy was gone! I was able to simply enjoy the blessings one sister brings to another! I wasn't angry or mad or sad, just really blessed!
My meet up with my friend is a different story for a different day. Not that it was any less of a blessing. That meet up has many more words to it and many more years behind it and in front of us! I am a lucky girl, a blessed young lady (I like calling myself a young lady!!!) God is good, He really does restore all!

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Giving Without Receiving is Impossible

Helping Someone else, means helping myself.
On my Facebook account today (guess it's yesterday by now)a friend posted this:
I have a positive. . . . If it weren't for you, i wouldn't be celebrating the twin's sixth birthday today! Thank you! I love you!

I remember when she was pregnant and on bed rest. I was heartbroken that she wasn't being taken care of properly and trying to do it all by herself. However, I was also delighted and blessed to be needed in such a capacity! I can honestly remember so many "thank yous" from her, it's unreal. And no matter how many times she thanked me, I couldn't help but thank her back, most of the time only thanking her in my head, because the words just could not come out. I know she really appreciated the help, but I could never explain how much it meant to me!
Then the twins were born! And I am so thankful, I still got to help! It appeared, quite possibly, she still needed me. I'm not sure if she HONESTLY did, but I know I loved feeling that way. I know I enjoyed stealing a child or two or just a baby or two for whatever time I could! I remember Larbo and I gazing into the eyes of each one of these babies on different occaisions, and the two of us sharing a moment with each other, with the beauty of a newborn or two! I know I loved those babies from the moment I knew about them and I already knew that I loved my friend more than words could say and that she had been there sooooo many times for me, that now it was finally my turn! I was finally able to show her love in a different way then, telling her! I was allowed to show it!

I remember going to my neighbor's house, this is my friend, in the morning in the afternoon and evening and calling her on the phone (yes, I did say she was my neighbor and yes, right next door) just to check on her and the kids and her husband. She had gone from two children to four, overnight! She went from running around to take care of her two children to, on her back (if she would only stay there) overnight. I was so delighted and blessed by the fact that I could help my friend!
It's just so amazing!
These babies are not babies anymore! Our children are growing up together (not as close in mileage as they used to be) and I believe my friend helped me to grow as a person and just plain, grow up, alot! She taught me alot in our short time as negihbors, but she has taught me even more in our time as friends!
I just think it's so, out of this world, that someone could be thanking me for help and all I want to do is thank her for that opportunity.
That time--------------oh unbelievably that time (there are many others)-------------I needed my friend to need me and I was given that opportunity and every day I am blessed by not only knowing her, but watching her children grow and become beautiful amazing, young people!
Her post on Facebook took me back, and the feeling of fullfilment, at that time in my life, was just what had been ordered! I couldn't even call her to tell her, I couldn't really even post back to her. I am still so blessed by that time in my life, how do I tell my friend your welcome when all I want to do is thank her!

Tuesday, February 16, 2010


They way things rolled out, couldn't even be considered a coincidence!
For 7 months Larbo has been laid off of his job at the mill. Being the type of man that he is, he didn't stop him from still providing for his family (with some help from Mama), he found a place to work and pushed by all the negative thoughts and ideas that kept coming at him. He did what it was he had to do! That's just Larbo. Anyway, it wasn't easy, but we made it! All 5 of us, we have come through. Now, I know where that blessing came from and we all knew, that God had us in His hands. It wasn't easy, but we were completely provided for and have not missed out on a thing. Christmas and other gift givings were far less than what they were in the recent past for us, but we were never without celebration and reasons to celebrate, we just did it a little differently and it proved to be good! Now you know where we have been at for that last few months! Fast forward to the last 3 weeks and specifically yesterday!
3 weeks ago Larbo went back to the mill and began working any available shift or hour he could work!
Both of us relieved and looking forward.
We were excited as Mitchy's Birthday came up and I started planning the party he has wanted for the last 3 years! Bowling.
With ease, I planned it, invited friends and family.
Then I started to plan his "family" party! The plan was to keep it at home and go easy! Fortunately, schedules changed and we changed the family party to going out to eat for breakfast! Mitchy's favorite meal! He picked Bakers Square!
So we celebrated! Both parties were fantastic and a blessing to Mitch and to myself and Larbo! The breakfast went well and we were able to pick-up the bill! Now, that's a good feeling!
The next day we headed to the bowling alley and we picked up the bill for Mitchy's party! No stress. Mitch had fun and I know he was blessed and he left feeling like we celebrated! I think his Birthday celebration went on for a week! It was fun.
The morning of Mitchy's party, Larbo and I got into my car, I was driving. I said to Larbo, there's a vibration in my steering wheel, it just started, what would cause that?
He replied, it could be a number of things.
We arrived at the bowling alley and Larbo started checking out the car and the kiddos and I started to walk in and get the party started!
After the party, Larbo said to me "you need new tires".
I replied, "how much do you think that's going to cost?" I shot out a dollar amount, what we could afford!
He came back with a dollar amount $200 higher than my dollar amount and then said, it wasn't an option to let these tires be!
We started brainstorming and making phone calls. Can we find tires we can afford and can we borrow a car from someone for a week?
Stopped in and asked for an estimate at a nearby tire place and the dollar amount matched Larbo's initial dollar amount, so now, we decide to leave and discuss it in the car and see what else we could do! Two tires? Borrow a vehicle? Keep searching?
We're discussing and I'm dialing! Now, I have discovered, my tires are special order only, unless you want to buy some no name junk that may not hold up to the miles I put on my car. Now, what? Larbo gives me another tire place to call, so I dial and ask the same questions I have asked all the other places.
This place I called gave me the dollar amount we could afford at the moment, for all four tires. Now, I ask them what kind, the reply was no name junko, that I didn't want to waste money on, but the gentleman hears my hubby in the background asking for specific tires. The man on the other end of the phone says, "how many do you want?"
We all know I want four tires!
The next thing this gentleman says, "I have them, a customer ordered them two weeks ago and hasn't come back for them yet, I guess you could have them."
My reply, "we are turning in right now"!
Tires paid for, on the car, Mitchy's gifts, cake and pizza still inside the car, we all get in and buckle up. Honestly, all of this so far is pretty amazing to me, just the way it was all orchestrated.
The kicker: Seat belt clicked, I looked up and all the lights were out in the garage! The mechanics were putting on their coats and headed towards the exit. Closing TIME! We barely made it!
In my heart and my mind, I know, that this was just so beautifully orchestrated, it couldn't even be considered a coincidence!

Monday, February 15, 2010


I changed my blog look and I am pretty proud of myself!! See the title! I created that, all by myself! It did take me a while, someone else could have had it done in less time, nonetheless, I'm proud of me! If I could only get it a lil less long so you don't feel like you have to scroll to the right! But the post all shows in the middle of the screen and you don't have to scroll to read it! So, I'm leaving it! I still plan on tweeking my colors a bit, but for now, I'm happy!
I have alot of !!!! in this post. Guess I'm happy!

I was considering moving over to Wordpress. I did download and try to start the process but I still can't quite figure it out! I understand it does cost dollars every month, but it looks like there maybe a few more options with decorating the blog. Any of you that use Wordpress or that have used Wordpress have anything, good or bad, that may help my direction?
Changes in the process, maybe a different location? But for now, I'm very happy with where I am and I am proud of the changes I have made!!

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Mitchy is 9!!!!

as we head into our weekend and get ready to celebrate Mitchy's Bday with family and with his friends oh yea, two seperate parties, I'm ready (I love looong weekends) I am a little heart broken and yet very excited!
As I was calling my cousin on Wednesday, to find out how they were weathering all that crazy weather (55 inches of snow and possibly more???), I remember telling her "he's half way to being able to leave home!"
With that statement, I could feel the tears in my eyes and the huge lump in my throat!
I have never EVER denied the fact that my children were all going to leave "home" one day and be on their own! This is what raising children, is supposed to prepare us for! Honestly, I have chatted and talked with my children and my husband on several different occasions, on the celebration of each one of the children leaving home, with a sense of purpose, coupled with confidence! These lil' conversations have come, One-on-one between myself and each of the children and one-on-one between my Hubby and I! These conversations have come in different group settings, including and not including my children (all of them and only one of them)! I plan with my husband, for our life, when the children are grown!
I really don't believe I am in denial and I don't believe that they won't leave, I honestly believe, they can't wait! I hope that I am raising, "self-confident" children, that can't wait to get out and do it "on their own"! I tell them all, almost daily that they WILL, go to college! I don't care what kind, but they will complete some sort of course, secondary schooling! Certificate, AOS, or higher (my prayer is that they want more education than less) and on and on! I don't care how far they choose to go, as long as they "complete" something in College,that they "honestly" love when they love, and that they find the "heart of others" before they make a choice and they use prayer and common sense, to make their choices for life! Most of all, I pray, they rely on God!
I believe, that all my children know all this and they believe it!
Back to the post!
I can't believe we are closer to having 'just the two of us' at home than we are at have more family at home!
Honestly, this "two of us" thing, is something Larry and I have planned for since, before we were married! I don't think either of us realized, how hard our children would pull on our hearts!
My baby is 9 and he is soo good for this Witt family! How in the world, did we get to the point where we were closer to only two of us, than closer to more at home!??
I cry and my heart breaks! I cry and my heart totally leaps with joy! My children, honestly have so much in front of them, so muuuuuuuuuuuuucchh opportunity and I can honestly see them grabbing it! My husband and I have so much in front of us and so much opportunity, together being in love and celebrating our life together and than to boot, in our careers! We have so many celebrations with our children in front of us, and we have celebrations with our childrens family in front of us! Quite honestly, we are going to be partying alot with our children and their lives and their choices and their friends and their families! I am overwhelmed and unbelievably blessed, by the amount of celebrating life that is in front of Larry and I!
As a person, who plans for everything! honestly everything!
I have never planned for the day, where I realized, I was closer to
children out of the home, than I am to keeping my kiddos in the home!
No one and no prayer could've prepared my heart for this reality!
Yep, I cry, I weep! I pray, I imagine! I love, I enjoy! The future is beautiful, but I never planned for the day when the future would hurt and be joyful at the same time!

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Clarification, I Hope

After I posted the last post, Makin' Me Laugh, and receiving a few comments and after rereading it, I realized, it honestly didn't all come out how I wanted it too!
A lil explanation here, maybe it will clarify it for me!
There are two different stories in side that post!
The first was how such a small little gesture of such a small boy, Mitchy, cracked me up and created a good memory, in the midst of what I thought (at the time) was heart-wrenching!
The second part, which I really didn't get out at all, was that it was a beginning to a new beginning! A new outlook! A fresh approach! I was ready for it, I just didn't realize it at the moment! I let my "hurt feelings" get in the way of what was honestly beginning!
At that time in my life, I was soooo busy "creating the picture" that I forgot to really live! Honestly, live! I used to try to keep up with, what I thought, I was supposed to do and missed out on what I needed to do! I used to allow the "perfect picture" drive me! Oh and it drove me, quite insane at times! My family, was picture perfect! (ugh, gag me)!! Seriously, I thought I had it all together and could do it all, alone or with a partner, it didn't matter! I had a picture of strength I needed to keep up! See that whole "creating a picture" thing! At the time, when these incidents were going on, I was seeing myself as fragile! I really didn't like what I saw, but it was real! The beginning of a new beginning for me! I went home and started, very honestly, putting my family first! Even if that meant skipping church! Don't get me wrong skipping church service has absolutely nothing to do with praying, reading and hearing from God! I continued at church, when we could go and it didn't hurt anyone to go! We even began to enjoy this thing they call "sleeping in"! It was beautiful and we have grown closer as a family because of it! The "picture" is not as much of a drive for me anymore, living life is a DRIVE, a real drive! I enjoy hearing what's really going on, not only in my life, but in my children's lives and in my husband's life! I slowed down and started living! I put the Polaroid away and began painting my own picture of life! My prayer is that my children continue to "paint" their own picture in life and not try to live up to someone Else's thoughts and ideas for life and that they don't get caught up in the "perfect picture" problem!
On a side note: This is for me too! So many times, when my children were small, I took them tons of places by myself! Many times struggling to keep them altogether or having two of them, even all three at times, fall asleep! One mom carrying two/three children, is not really something that can happen! It's OK to ask a parent if they want help with their children! It's really OK, to help a Mom or a Dad to their car with their children! It's OK at the grocery store parking lot, to stop someone else's child from running in front of a car! It's ok! If they don't want your help, they will tell you!

Monday, February 8, 2010

Makin' Me Laugh

I was listening to my XM Radio at work just the other night! Yes, instead of the "jam box", I bring my own radio and hook it up to the puter and it helps me to relax! I mostly listen to comedy, but I love to "bounce" around!
Back to the "real" post! This lil' John Pinette bit came on while I was working! I had to stop and just listen!

before I knew it, I was no longer listening and laughing at John Pinette, but I could hear Mitchy at about the age of 2 saying "get outta the line"!! Oh ya, just like the video here! I remember it clearly!
It was a Thursday night and we heard it on the way home from church! I had been having a rough time at church at this time! See I am very close to my kids and if I am around, I AM available, TOTALLY and I don't make apologies for it!!! My kids were never "forced" into the nursery at church! Unfortunately, not everyone agrees with this practice, but I do and always have and always will! None of my kids cared to go to the nursery when they were young and that was never a problem for ME!! Or my husband, when he would go with me to church! It was a problem for others, oh ya, this is where it starts to suck!!
Anyway, that night had been, yet another night of my "why did I even bother"! And someone came to ask me to leave the sanctuary!! Asking a mom who takes her small children, by herself, to church, to leave the sanctuary, because he may have made a noise, is the worse thing you can do to a mom who is really trying to keep up with the "picture"! I was sitting in the back and he wasn't crying!!!! He was restless, not making noise but moving around! Yet again, I was asked to leave the sanctuary! There was no "cry room" with a monitor to see what was going on in the sanctuary and quite honestly no where to go, but to walk the halls and wait for my other two children, who were just tooooo doggone tired to be there, to get out of there classes! This is the night I realized, it just was too much and those I thought "heard my heart" were not the ones at my home crying with me as my heart ached! My husband and my children were the ones listening to my reality!! My friend, that didn't go to church with me, totally held me up while I cried and hurt desperately!!
BITTER SWEET!! YEP! Absolutely, that's what this memory is!
But the good part of this memory!! Really there is a good part!!
I took the older two children out of class early, for our last mid-week service!! Not planned, but sooooo right on! We got in the car and I turned on the XM and all of us laughed out loud at this lil' bit! It was crazy funny that night and the kids enjoyed it right along with me! A beautiful memory, right in the midst of my turmoil! (you ever had one of those crying heartbreaking moments where you honestly laughed? that was this moment)! I felt I had lost it, in a good way!
Of course, as I laid in my bed and held my Mitchy close and listened to him say "get outta the line" just like John Pinette! This lil' guy, only 2, had no idea how much healing was going on in my heart as we enjoyed that laugh together! He kept saying it over and over and I just laughed and laughed with him, such a big belly laugh and he giggled and laughed that innocent 2 year old giggle laugh! The beauty of that moment will never get away from my heart!
On a cute note: Mitchy heard me download this video and brought me his DSI with a SC card, "mom can you download that on here for me"!! That's just another one of our beautiful moments shared in laughter!
Yet another lesson learned, through my family, the HARD way! I love them and I want to teach them, but somehow they keep teaching me!

Sunday, February 7, 2010

What a Difference a day makes!!

So amazing! The day after my little rant on here, everything changed, INCLUDING but not limited too, my attitude! Probably the largest change, looking back (honestly, looking back) was my attitude! How I addressed the problems ahead of me! Saying Thank you doesn't hurt and really means alot, not only to the ones I'm saying it to, but also to me! Yep, I said it! Saying Thank you makes me feel good! It makes me feel like I am doing right and that I recognize my blessings! The most amazing thing was two texts I received the next day:
One was an ongoing texting "thing" back and forth, back and forth, between myself and another person I work with! The most amazing thing he told me "your not a push-over and your not being taken advantage of!"
TEARS! Yep tears here, validation, loyalty and understanding from someone I work with and consider a friend! It's amazing how far that can go!
I responded: "are you reading my mind or my blog?"
He responded: "I just know where your at!"
I get this I totally get this and it validate my feelings of anger and thankfulness!
But the second text, was invoked by me, all alone!
I text: "thank you for making that last move tonite, I really appreciate it"
Not thinking this would ever go anywhere, I just wanted this person to know, I knew he was upset!
He texted back: "your welcome! Sometimes it's just hard not being appreciated and always going the extra step to change things, knowing that I am going to walk into the same thing the next day!"
TEARS!! Yep, I cry! Imagine that! More crying on the RR!! Ha!
I know I am trying to change years and years of the ongoing "this is the way we have done it and they way it was done before, so this is the way we will do it" attitude!
Just because this is the way you have always done it and the way those before you have always done it, doesn't mean it's right!!
Honestly, I see that I am trying to change the mentality over generations and now I have discovered, that changing things means, that people "in the process" get hurt! So another part of making changes is making sure that those who suffer feel validated and thanked for their efforts!
Gosh Chrissy! Stop forgetting those words of "Thank YOU!!" It really does go a long long way, if there is a real HEART behind it!
Remembering the words "thank you" sounds easy! But remembering the words "Thank You" takes effort and heart! Lots and lots of heart!!

Thursday, February 4, 2010


I am going to ramble! There is so much on my mind I need to get out and so I'm going to! Don't worry if it doesn't make sense to you, because not all of it makes sense to me!

Two working parents suck!!!!!! It really sucks, yes there are good sides of it and yes, I could go into the whole positive thing right now, but I just don't want to! (picture me yelling and stomping my feet here!)

The employees that work with me(ahem, for me), probably work less than 3 hours a shift, I PROMISE, and they still like to complain about work. Oh yea and they also complain about the "safety stuff" that makes sure each and everyone of them and I get home each day!!!!!!! OH MY! C'mon! Can anyone else see a problem with maybe taking care of a train that mmmmaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayy go out very soon??? I mean if your only working less than 3 out of 8 hours, you think maybe you would make sure that the next consist going out, even if not on your shift, was ready? Just askin, I know I would!

Checked Adam's grades today, may I remind you we are in the 2nd week of the 3rd grading period. Oh ya, he is grounded until further notice! Oh that stinks for me too!

My husband is back at work and grabbing on to all the overtime he can! I hope he slows down soon! Oh ya, his boss is not at all nice and understanding like me! Ugh! I am so thankful he is back at work, but I kinda miss him (shhhhh please don't tell him)!!

I found the most fresh, yummy grocery store sushi today! It was so good, I stopped on my way home to buy more. On my way home, from purchasing the sushi, it dawned on me, that because of some certain family member, who shall remain nameless (our kids are such close friends and Baby girl is an absolute doll) I may have to share, said sushi, with Mitchy! Why didn't I buy a big pack?

Why is a good cucumber dill dip so yummy and so expensive?

Adam decided he needs two towels to take a shower!!!!!!!! We just don't have the time and energy for that!

Windy's science project is growing daily! At least we can grow green beans! What question was she trying to answer? What was her hypothesis? Oh wow!

Zumba the day after Pilates is not a good idea! For some reason I do it every week! Maybe if I didn't engage my core? Oh forget it, that's not even an option! Gotta engage the core otherwise my back would holler at me!

I think that tomorrow, after I help Adam clean out his locker (oh that sucks), I will come home and rest and maybe let my core go for a minute!

I have found my plateau in weight and need to find my way out of it, so I can lose another 7lbs. so I can have that massage I promised myself! OH mY!!

I woke my hubby up, who is working all the overtime he can get, to hear me rant and cuss about my employees for a minute! He woke up and listened and validated my feelings! But then he said it's about time, they have been taking advantage of you! Oh my, he's right! They are taking advantage! I have had a kind heart to a fault!

I know a kind heart is good! A kind heart to a fault is NOT good!
What a ramble! I feel better! Thanks for listening!

Monday, February 1, 2010

Dear Me,

You know, I see you think you have it all figured out! Sorry to tell you, you just don't!
Your ideas are pretty good, but your ways need work!
You do have some pretty good kids, but they are easily to go astray! I saw you holding and cuddling Mitchell today and praying over him and leaving everything else aside, because he needed you! What about your other two kiddos?? Where have you been? You do know, they need to be cuddled, hugged and kissed too, right? You didn't forget about them, did you?
However, I also saw, your mind reeling at all the "stuff" that needed to be done!
I was watching you closely and I felt your heart jump every time Mitchy asked you to hold him!
I saw you wake up at 4:00am to kiss your husband goodbye and I felt your pain as you said goodbye, knowing all along that he wouldn't be home until late and on your day off! I heard in your heart how, it would be about what you could do to get it done and not how you could make your family feel special and desired!
I felt the pain in your heart when you said "have a good day at work" all along knowing, that the conversation between the two of you, last night, wasn't finished! I know that that is faaaar different than anything you have been accustomed to, during the time of your marriage! I have watched, many times, as the two of you have had conversations or disagreements and not ending them without being completed. I know this is a different point in your life! I want you to embrace it, take the continuing of a "conversation" or a "disagreement" as time to pray, think and ponder where it is you want to go with the conversation! Is it something that needs to be resolved? Is it something that honestly needs to be discussed? Is it something that is hurting the two of you or only one of you? Is it something that you shouldn't let go or is it something that needs to be let go?
I have been watching you and you get stressed out over the lil' stuff! I have watched as you have loved out loud and lately, I have watched as you have "held back" your love and compassion, on account of stess and anger!
I know this isn't you, I know you are learning a new routine and somewhat of a new life! Give yourself a break!
Give your family a break!
Finish the discussions that need to be finished and let those that, don't need to be completed go!
Do NOT withhold the love and compassion, you used to give so freely! That was, quite honestly, the way to be with your husband and children. Please know, that as much as you "feel" you are going through, so are they and none of them, as well as you, know how to deal with everything properly!
Chrissy, let some of the "stuff" go and hold on to the love and compassion! My goodness, don't forget to pray constantly!

His Word says, he will never leave you or forsake you, so continue to trust HIM for that!

Hey girl take it easy and give some wiggle room, for just awhile, until you and your family get used to this new "stage" in your life! Please, Please, PLEASE don't forget to enjoy it!

Let go of the details of the processes and policies for a moment, yep, I saw that today too!
I love you, I really do, I just don't like who you are right now!