This is just an outlet for me, to be able to get my thoughts out! I am a Woman, Wife and Mommy that also works outside the home! Just me trying to make it all work for the best for my family and myself! Just my journey!

Thursday, October 22, 2009

The Letter to the Tooth Fairy!

WOW! All I can say is at least he said Thank You!!

Saturday, October 17, 2009

I'm A Mess!!

I am such a mess!! I am at work, it is "my Friday" and we are actually slow today! I pray my night continues on like it has!
Having a lil time I have been catching up on blog reading and now, I am a crying weepy mess! Not exactly how one should look when working with locomotives and all men! Uh-oh, I shouldn't have read them, but I did and I think it is a good idea to share some of them
Mimi had me thinking
Beth was blessed by KMart and I was too, just by watching it!
CE talked about the day she gave birth to her precious Miss E
and now, I am what you would call a sloppy mess! Crying weepy, blessed, mess!

Now, add to that:
Yesterday, I went to school and cleaned out my Adam's locker with him in the morning to find "missing homework assignments" ugh! I so thought we were done with this! His locker wasn't nearly the mess it had been before and we did get it organized! To my surprise he did bring home his Math book and was doing the missing assignments when I left for work! I think he is getting it! Adam really is a good kid and turning into a nice young man, on his way to being a gentleman! I love it!

Did I say I was a mess? Crying weepy, blessed, mess! I am!

Last night, I stopped at a gathering of High School friends and I didn't get there until midnight and there were still so many there! I was hugged and complimented and loved on by friends I haven't seen in 20 years! I even got to see some friends that are always close to me! That was amazing and so awesome, I could never have orchestrated that, I know where it came from! I really did not enjoy getting "kicked" out of a bar at 2am, but it was sooo worth it!

yep, I am a mess! Crying weepy, blessed, mess!

At the gathering I was told stories of my sister I have never heard and some I have heard, but hearing stories, good stories of my sister never, NEVER gets old! I loved it!

A MESS!!!!!

Larry didn't go with me, but he got up to talk with me when I got home, how sweet is that?! So kind! He shared a dream he had been having about a friend of ours that passed away in 2008 and we shed a couple of tears together, it was a quiet moment of reflection!

A complete mess!

Oh yea and I am at work, with all men, on the railroad! Who said, "there's no crying on the railroad"? There is now!!

So strange how all these beautiful blessings always make me a complete mess!

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

The Way I See It:

I have been doing alot of thinking, crying, laughing, celebrating and being a lil sad. October is always a difficult time for me. We are taught to celebrate anniversaries and by celebrating the good anniversaries, we also remember the one's that are not so good!

Yesterday, I was pleasantly surprised on my Facebook page to find so many people feeling as I did. It was validation, I am not crazy and yes it still hurts! As I was reading through the comments, posts, prayers and kind words, all I kept thinking is "how did I get through it?"

The poem Footprints.

The day my sister passed, I stopped believing in God, saying to myself "if there was a God, my God, wouldn't have done this to me!" So, easy enough, there wasn't a heaven or hell or God! Now, that I look back on that time, I am constantly reminded of that poem Footprints. But, when I picture myself being carried by the Father, I didn't believe in, I see so many people behind and on the sides of and in front of us! All these people, were the ones who carried my faith, for me during this time. They were the ones who continued to believe, pray and speak kindness and life into me! Maybe it is strange to you, but not to me. It makes perfect sense, because I still talk and hear from people that tell me they have never stopped praying for myself and my family, that's how I know. I wouldn't have ever come to the place of understanding as I have now, if it weren't for those that didn't give up, who at times were "carrying me" with their faith.

I am once again overwhelmed and the love and support God continues to send and the kindness in people, it is absolutely AMAZING!

Sunday, October 11, 2009

I have Pet Peeves...

I am going to write about many of my pet peeves, just because it is what is on my mind! Tomorrow, I'll be over it and have moved on. Tomorrow, I will be back to my "positive self"! Tomorrow I'll write about how much I love my children and my husband, how blessed I am! Today, I write about my pet-peeves!

I buy toilet paper (Scott's) every time I hit the store! I do not want to run out and have yet to! My family makes fun of me, but they have never had to wipe their behinds with a napkin or paper towel, unless that has happened at someone Else's house! So tell me, why is it that I am the only one who can put a roll on the roller? Why do I find two rolls on the sink or on the back of the toilet, both started? What is so hard about sliding it on the roll?

I open my pantry to find empty
Pop-Tart boxes almost daily! Really, you couldn't throw that in the garbage? You couldn't take that out, when you took the last Pop-Tart, and throw it away? amazing!

Let me talk about cereal boxes! Why can't you close the cereal box? Honestly, it takes two seconds to roll down the wrapper and fold the flaps over! Oh yea, when the box is
empty...... it goes in the garbage too, just like the
Pop-Tart box! PLEASE!

The wrappers, the wrappers from whatever you have opened, please walk them to the garbage and throw it in! Don't leave it on the counter, table, floor or on the couch for Mom to pick up! URgggghh!

Milk, finish 1 gallon of milk before you start the new gallon! Chances are I have opened the one with the closest date and that needs to be finished first! C'mon.

Shoes and jackets..........
OH YEA.... BACKPACKS, y'know the one's you scramble around in the morning looking for (they have a place, but never make it there) and for some reason, the first place you look is where it belongs!
They do NOT go on the floor right behind the front door. This makes it extremely difficult to open the front door and when I finally, get home from work I trip over them! Please please please, put them in the closet
right next to the front door! It's right there!

So, instead of asking hollering "MOM, where's my????" I don't know, if you don't put it in it's place! I am not the KEEPER OF THE STUFF!

When you come home and find that 'someone' has done
laundry and you have a pile of neatly
folded clothes and a few on hangers, PUT THEM AWAY!!! Don't carry them up

put them on your bed, don't leave them in the basket and DO NOT cram them in your closet on the floor!

MY CAR!!! Take your wrappers and crap, yes CRAP, out of my car. You carried it to the car, which means you have the ability to take it from the car!

I know none of these "stupid" lil things make a big difference in the grand-scheme of life, that's why they are pet-peeves!

Wednesday, October 7, 2009


On Sunday, Larbo and I headed out for a Poker Run, in Memory of our friend Ron Moser. He fell at work and left behind an amazing and beautiful wife and 2 beautiful children! When I see them I am overjoyed, at how well they are all doing and then I find myself wondering, are they really ok or are they just muddlin through it!
Larry and I didn't ride, we went to the registration together, where we were supposed to help, but instead we stood around chatting with friends and taking pics of the event. I was so blessed by it all, the help, the love and the joy that was seen that day!
After the riders all left, Larbo and I headed to breakfast and then to the place where the event ended! We checked out the bar where it ended and helped the others there set-up for the riders to come in. Just whatever was needed and then we sat patiently and watched the race until riders began to arrive! As they pulled in on their bikes, there were smiles to be seen on every ones face! What an honor for Ron!
It was time for Larry and I to leave, but I still had to write out a check. We got in the truck and I began to write out the check, the date was 10-4! A few of you know the story, but 10-4 is a special date for me! I was already weepy and when I wrote the date, I said it out loud and Larbo looked at me and he just understood, my eyes filled with tears of joy, 10-4 was now going to be a special day for my friend! I knew she was going to be ok, not without help, support and lots of love from friends and family, but with all of that my friend Wanda and her kids were going to be ok!My questioning if she was just muddlin' through it was answered! Sometimes yes and sometimes no, but it became very clear to me that Wanda and her children were going to be just fine! Not without the help of friends and family, but with all of us, not only would this young amazing woman succeed, but she is going to be alright!
Funny note, I didn't see what she was doing when I took this pic and I told her to sit still and I took another one, turns out I like this pic best!
10-4 Everything is ok, I got it and I completely understand! I love how God speaks to me right where I am! Thanks God, you know exactly what I need all the time, every day!

Sunday, October 4, 2009

It is Not For Me to Understand

As Larry and I plan for tomorrow and plan for our future, my heart constantly breaks for my friend who has lost her husband! It is not mine to understand, as much as I want to, it is mine to help and give where I can. I pray constantly for her and her two children! Ron was a great man, husband and father! A neat young man, who, in my opinion, is just gone too fast (this is where I try to understand that it isn't mine to understand)! A one of a kind Ron! Ronnie would stop and check in on Larbo and I from time-to-time, he would call and make sure that we as friends were able to get together and enjoy each others families! It sucks, it soooooo sucks that he is gone! Neat part of Ronnie's life was watching him as a husband to his "high school sweetheart" and then to get to see him as a dad! Absolutely amazing!
Tomorrow we get to go and celebrate his life with his wife Wanda and other friends and family, some we have met and some we have the honor of meeting tomorrow! I am looking forward to the "stories of Ron" I will hear tomorrow!
Truth of it all though, my heart never stops hurting for his passing and for his family and friends that desperately miss him! I honestly believe that I'll wake up and find it is all a bad dream! I know the grieving process and I understand it, what I don't understand is why it was "his time"! This is the moment I understand that it isn't mine to understand or make sense of! It is mine to love, pray and give!
I pray often for understanding, even though I know it isn't mine! When I dream, even though I hate it, I can see Ron and I can see him giving of himself to all of us the way he did, my heart believes I am going to wake up and get a call from Ron, my mind knows different!
I am thankful, very very thankful for the Ronnie in my life! The way he taught me to be a better friend! I honestly, believe that the way we carry some one's good legacy is to show it in their families life, to make sure, absolutely certain, they are as well cared for as if Ron was still alive and taking care of Wanda and his children himself!
So tomorrow, Larry and I will go celebrate Ron's life and legacy with his family and friends and whoever else will join us!
I know I am a better person because of Ron! I pray that his legacy lives on through his wife and children, just as he wanted!
It doesn't make sense and I don't understand it, but it is not mine to understand!
The hardest parts in life are the parts we don't understand!