some days and months are harder than others. I love my husband and my children and feel truly blessed. I have good family and good friends. Just because I have all this doesn't stop the Pain I have been in going on 20 years, no it does not stop and it doesn't go away, most of the time we go on as if nothing happened.
I truly loved my sister Windy. She was my best friend and I miss her daily. Yes I have close cousins and their kids I call my nieces and nephews, I love them as though they are. There is a piece of my heart that died 20 years ago, I don't know if it will feel anything ever again, it doesn't sadden me, it makes me feel joy, because that is the piece of my heart for my sister, my Windy.
A man made a choice almost 20 years ago to take her life. I would never wish this on my worst enemy and normally I would never burden anyone with the guilt of the pain I feel. But here you choose to read or to comment and here is where I feel I can talk and write and not worry about what anyone else thinks. This is about me!!
My kids will not ever know their aunt, I can tell them about her and compare them to her. But they missed the opportunity of knowing her. They will never get to make their own opinions of her. I will never get to call her on the phone and say: This is bothering me, can you help? Or say I love you or your niece or nephew want to talk or spend time with you!!
My husband has this with his sister, they are not as close as my sister and I. We were 13 months apart and close. Same friends, same parents, and lots of the same hard choices in front of us. We were going through the same junk when she was killed!
I miss her, I wish my kids would have met her. I hate, hate, seeing my parents hurt over the loss of her. I guess the pain does, die or we learn how to get over it, or like I say get over it or go around it. It never really stops!