This is just an outlet for me, to be able to get my thoughts out! I am a Woman, Wife and Mommy that also works outside the home! Just me trying to make it all work for the best for my family and myself! Just my journey!

Monday, January 31, 2011

Holding ON!

Has to keep reminding myself:
I wanted them to stay "kids" as long as possible!  But there's times, I can hear myself, saying to myself, "At that age I was......"!  There are times, I think "how immature"!!
Sometimes it's frustrating and it gets difficult!  Sometimes it's just plain annoying!  But most times, it's fun!  They are young at heart and have the understanding they need, for the age they are!
I remind myself, that I wanted them to enjoy childhood! 
There still kids and they are staying "kids" longer than what I did!
That's what I want!  It's what I have been striving to create for my children!
It's moments like these that remind children are still kids and they are NOT mini adults!

And that's just FINE with me!!

Thursday, January 27, 2011

39! WOW or not!

My 39th Birthday showed up on the 25th of this month!  It was greeted by me with a Je ne sais quoi attitude by me!!  It wasn't a big deal or a little just was a Birthday and a reason to celebrate!  Perfect for me  this year!
This year I received some great gifts, both tangible and intangible! 
two pairs of comfy socks!!  Fuzzy n warm.....not the kind I can wear to work
Flowers...beautiful colorful flowers, picked out by my children
an Awesome card...said something about the heat when I'm around my hubby :-)
A meal cooked by my Mommy!
 The act of being passed by a police officer, while I was speeding!
An amazing work day.....that gave me at atta-girl the next day!
Lots of love!  Amazing love!
Lunch with a friend
A new good book!!  2 of'em actually (one sexy and one christian self improvement) you figure it out!
Beautiful, possibly gorgeous, kitchen cabinets on order and the promise that they would be amazing!
A new coffee mug that makes me tear up every time I see it!
Cheesecake with two VERY good friends that make me laugh, smile, cry and live life for real!
The reality, of the joy, that I married my best friend!
The anticipation of another celebration........ (Yay me)!!
The overwhelming well wishes on FB from friends and family both past and present!
The reminder that prayer changes everything!
A Birthday wish, that wished me a Happy 25th Birthday  :-)
An AMAZING bottle of wine that went really well with pizza (probably would've gone well with anything for that matter)!
The Word that changed my mindset on my Birthday and every day!
Another chance to tell the truth!
A clean house and laundry done (as done as it gets in my house)!
A beautiful necklace pendant from my Mom's trip to Croatia!
The beauty of my Dad calling me to wish me a Happy Birthday, on my actual Birthday (first time in my life he got the date right, without my mom at his side)!  Amazing!!!!!
I received a better perspective, I had a good perspective, but now it's gooder!!!!!
One entire year to reach the goals, I have set for myself,  by the age of 40!!!
My 39th Birthday was AMAZING, it showed me, even more, how blessed I really am!
Thanks God for my 39th Birthday and for making it so beautiful!

Monday, January 24, 2011

Family Friendships Are Personal To Each Member

I find one of the most beautiful relationships for me to watch, that blesses me over and over is when I have a friend that enjoys my children.  One that creates a bond with them and enjoys them for who they are, good, bad and ugly!

I hear my single friends talk about when is the right time for their children to meet a new friend and how careful they are about who, when and how they meet them!!  I realize that my hubby and I do the same thing!  I'm cautious about when my children meet a new friend of mine and who they meet!
Realizing this made it all the more beautiful.....
When I listened to my friend talk about my boy
I listened to his perspective and their relationship and how much he really cares about my son...
And then my mind goes back to the day my husband introduced us to him and how careful he was for the right time and place!  I remember questioning my husband and being sooo cautious! 
My hubby assured me
This new friend came in and shook my sons hand, at the time he was probably around 9 years old.   Their relationship has been one of trust, honor and love!  It's so sweet...he is someone my son has found to be honorable and someone to model his life after, a good role model, if you will! 

We have so many relationships and our family has family friends, but I stopped and realized how different each one of our relationships are with each friend.  It's such a neat thing to stand back and REALLY look at!

And that's when you realize how much your friends bless you, but when they are a blessing to your children, the blessing is more abundant than one could have ever imagined!

Friday, January 21, 2011


I know what I've taught them,
I'm just not quite sure, sometimes, what they learned!
 And then it seems,
I discover
What they learned!
And sometimes, I just say, OK!

Monday, January 17, 2011

this one time......

ya, at band-camp!!  lol.  At least that's what I told her!
I listened to many dreams, very early in the morning....even though I was an early riser, I wasn't ready to "listen" until much later in the morning!!  I only "functioned" first thing!
This one time........or after a few times.....I learned how to listen and enjoy, first thing in the morning!  I don't know if this kiddo will ever know or realize what she taught me, when I was supposed to be caring for her!
This one time....or quite a few times..... my friend taught me what it is to laugh at life.....and to enjoy and not to sweat the stuff that doesn't count!
This one time.....or quite a few kiddo taught me to sing out loud, again, in the car!!  As loud as we can!
These last few kiddo taught me....that, I still don't know anything about raising kiddos and that I need to continue to pray on it and listen to learn how to do it!
This one time.......OK maybe a few kiddo reminded me of what it feels like, when we 'need' to be totally cuddled!!!!
This one time.....or quite a few times, in Mom reminded me of how much I really need her!!  As much as I try to prove, I can do it on my own, I realize how much I can't!!  And my Mom comes thru where I am lacking!
This one time, or many times, my hubby shows me how much he loves me, even though I am so concerned with what is going on with "me" and only "me"!!
I learned and continue to learn that, no matter what I think I know, I still don't know and I still don't understand!
This one time, or quite a few times, I learned how to really listen. when I "shouldn't" even be awake!!
This one time, OR several times, I have been taught, that it is necessary to "run by" a friends house when I barely have the time!
This one time I learned, much I really enjoy my house......specifically,  my kitchen!!
This one time..........I learned it's better to hug than to holler!!!  I'm happy I learned that in one time!!
this one time..........several times.......I learned what it's like to be there for someone else!!  It's far better than having someone there for me!!

I can tell you that my thinking started to change, when this one kid started making me listen early in the morning........but the truth is, it started far earlier......this one time when I met this one person and it was this one time......someone wasn't afraid to tell .......and this one time, I wasn't afraid to listen!!  

Thursday, January 13, 2011

No Answers

One difficult part of being a Christian is NOT having the answers!!
And then also, not coming up with some hoity-toity answer, some sort of psycho-babble, just to try to have an answer.
Sometimes, someone asks a question or wants to know the whys and there isn't an answer at the time.
Sometimes it means you just hold them and listen to their questions and you don't give an answer.
I often ask questions out loud, just for my own sake.  Knowing there isn't an answer or that I may not need to know or that the answer will not unfold, in my lifetime.  It's tough and it's easy.
Understanding there isn't always an answer makes it easier to put things down and find more trust, but just as easy to pick them back up again, because we live in a time of ANSWERS!
As I held my Aunt last week and she talked about her loss and she wanted to know the whys....I found myself speechless...helpless.....and just plain, unhelpful.  But I don't think she was looking for me to answer, she was looking for understanding and that there's validation in her questions and her wanting to know why.  It isn't a bad thing. 
What I have discovered for myself is, those moments of wanting understanding, bring on a stronger prayer, a more diligent prayer!  Also, it encourages faith.  As God answers, that He loves me and He's holding me through it all......there's a faith that rises, more and more each time.  For me, each time I ask questions, whether out loud or in secret, whether or not I get "that answer", I'm validated by asking them!  I discover I'm not alone and I'm not CRAZY!  Unfortunately, it doesn't mean I don't ask again, it means my faith grows stronger, because I have the courage to ASK! 
Funny thing is, I can tell myself, before asking, that I'm being faithless and I'm not trusting.....but when I do ask I find strength and courage in the questions......I find my faith is stronger
Because I trust God enough to ask.
Think about difficult is it to say "I don't know" or "I don't get it" or to just stand there and listen knowing you don't have the answer and the person asking the questions knows it also.........
Is it the fear of rejection or the fear that someone may see whats really going on inside, or is it fear of trusting someone else with our feelings....any one of them is fear and a deeper look inside my heart...So of course, I chose carefully where and when I ask the questions and of whom I say it out loud in front of...
I tell you what, being on the other side and just listening and knowing I won't have the answers sometimes will start out leaving me in a place of despair and then I look up and I realize, not every question is looking for an answer....but every question is looking for trust, faith and love, a sense of validation!
So I say "I just don't know why but I love you all the same and I'm ready to listen, without answers"!  Translated:  I don't know why, but I know Who to go to and I'll pray!

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Both Paths Cross

This week has been hard and hectic and stressful!
I've learned that my kiddos get even more "stressed out" now, and mommy can't fix it.
They have to learn to cope and find their own way through.  I can help guide and give advice.  But it's up to them to decide whether to accept my help or reject it.  I can pray and watch, but I can't "fix it" for them!
At work I have finally accepted the fact that, everyone brings home with them!  It's impossible to separate and leave home at home and work at work.   I have accepted this to a point in the past, but this week, I really realized it's value and the toll it takes on everyone.
As you learn each other, because we spend so much time together, we become invested in each others lives, whether we realize it or not and whether we want it or not.  We are together at work a large portion of our day.
I always thought, I was keeping it separate and this week I came the realization that I don't.  I talk to my family on the phone while I am at work, I become irritated, frustrated, happy, excited, etc after talking on the phone to them, my family changes my mood while I am working and my coworkers see it!  They may not say anything and I may not say anything but it does affect me while at work.  To an extent, I can control this, NOT completely.  I'm invested in the lives of my family and my coworkers.
As I listened to my husband talk about his coworkers this week, I realized we are both invested in their lives and I don't even know them, but he cares for them, so I do!
I'm not sure how it is "supposed" to be, but I do know how it is.  I do know that it affects both ways both home and work.
I've always heard the line "leave work at work" and the other line "leave your home life at the door when you get to work"!  I've also heard this one several times "leave your feelings in your glove box".  It's impossible.  Maybe only for me and maybe only for a few, MAYBE some people do that, but I haven't experienced it some extent each part of our lives cross the other part.  It's human!  Right?  God created us to care and love one another, so isn't that the only way?
It really hit me this week at a funeral.....
Have you ever notice how many coworkers come to a persons funeral?

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Happy New Year!!

My prayer
May 2011 find you very blessed!
I hope that 2011 finds you loving more openly
talking more and texting less
hugging more and holding grudges less
finding happiness more and searching to be angry less!

May 2010 have given you
lessons learned and a better way to do things
Hoping you carry that to 2011~~
I pray that the heart ache and hurt from 2010 find more healing in 2011
May your mistakes of 2010 be a life lesson for 2011 and beyond!!

I pray you remember a good memory from your past and forget a bad memory from your past!
I hope you find more aching belly laughs than belly aches!
I pray you have more HEALTHY days, than unhealthy days!

I pray you make a good friend and find an old friend!
That you seek the wisdom of someone with experience and that you share wisdom with someone without experience!
I hope you speak up, when you don't want too, but your heart is screaming!

I pray you hug a stranger and feel better for it!

I pray you have a dream and you seek it out!
I pray that you have short-term goal and you see it to success!

I hope you find time to visit more and run less!
I pray you MAKE time to go see a family member, just for funsies!

I pray you have a good cry and at the end you find a resolve!

I pray each night you go to bed with a positive thought on your mind!
I pray that instead of sleeping angry, you find a way to resolve it and you sleep CONTENT!

I pray that you hug the young ones  more than you yell at them!
That you look into the eyes of the ones you love more than you look away!
I pray you think about yourself less and others more!
I pray you give up a lil "ME time" for a lil more "US time"! 

I pray you find yourself praying for those (military, police, fireman, FBI, etc)  that protect us more than you find yourself damning the government!

I hope when your served your jury duty notice, you find yourself thinking of those that have relied on jurors, more than you find yourself trying to get out of it!

I hope your late for work because you are being there for someone and that you are on time for work, in spite of crazy traffic!!

I pray you sleep less in order to love more, but you feel more rested than ever!
I pray you spend an entire night on your knees praying and an entire day on your side sleeping!  (isn't your side the only way to sleep)!

I hope you have more good hair days than bad hair days
I hope you find the perfect jeans and spend less money seeking them out!

I pray you find yourself super cold only to be warmed by the one you love holding you close!

I pray your stop trying to understand and leave it in Gods hands, that you have the understanding of not understanding! 
I pray you find peace even in the midst of chaos!

I pray you try something you've never tried
I pray you "do" something spontaneously! 
I pray you follow the heart that God gave you!
I pray you never feel alone and if you do, you take the chance to reach out and let a friend know how your feeling!

My prayers all day long were for my family and friends for 2011.  2010 left behind life lessons, broken hearts, successes and failures!   A perfect mix to make 2011 a better year!

If you doubt what I say, I pray you put it into Gods hands, fully, for a day and watch your life change!