This is just an outlet for me, to be able to get my thoughts out! I am a Woman, Wife and Mommy that also works outside the home! Just me trying to make it all work for the best for my family and myself! Just my journey!

Thursday, January 13, 2011

No Answers

One difficult part of being a Christian is NOT having the answers!!
And then also, not coming up with some hoity-toity answer, some sort of psycho-babble, just to try to have an answer.
Sometimes, someone asks a question or wants to know the whys and there isn't an answer at the time.
Sometimes it means you just hold them and listen to their questions and you don't give an answer.
I often ask questions out loud, just for my own sake.  Knowing there isn't an answer or that I may not need to know or that the answer will not unfold, in my lifetime.  It's tough and it's easy.
Understanding there isn't always an answer makes it easier to put things down and find more trust, but just as easy to pick them back up again, because we live in a time of ANSWERS!
As I held my Aunt last week and she talked about her loss and she wanted to know the whys....I found myself speechless...helpless.....and just plain, unhelpful.  But I don't think she was looking for me to answer, she was looking for understanding and that there's validation in her questions and her wanting to know why.  It isn't a bad thing. 
What I have discovered for myself is, those moments of wanting understanding, bring on a stronger prayer, a more diligent prayer!  Also, it encourages faith.  As God answers, that He loves me and He's holding me through it all......there's a faith that rises, more and more each time.  For me, each time I ask questions, whether out loud or in secret, whether or not I get "that answer", I'm validated by asking them!  I discover I'm not alone and I'm not CRAZY!  Unfortunately, it doesn't mean I don't ask again, it means my faith grows stronger, because I have the courage to ASK! 
Funny thing is, I can tell myself, before asking, that I'm being faithless and I'm not trusting.....but when I do ask I find strength and courage in the questions......I find my faith is stronger
Because I trust God enough to ask.
Think about difficult is it to say "I don't know" or "I don't get it" or to just stand there and listen knowing you don't have the answer and the person asking the questions knows it also.........
Is it the fear of rejection or the fear that someone may see whats really going on inside, or is it fear of trusting someone else with our feelings....any one of them is fear and a deeper look inside my heart...So of course, I chose carefully where and when I ask the questions and of whom I say it out loud in front of...
I tell you what, being on the other side and just listening and knowing I won't have the answers sometimes will start out leaving me in a place of despair and then I look up and I realize, not every question is looking for an answer....but every question is looking for trust, faith and love, a sense of validation!
So I say "I just don't know why but I love you all the same and I'm ready to listen, without answers"!  Translated:  I don't know why, but I know Who to go to and I'll pray!

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