Friday, July 31, 2009
I have been working in my position for 1 year and 9 months! I enjoy what I do, but I did not get to this point by myself, I did not immediately enter into this Mechanical Foreman position and totally know what I was doing! So many greay people have helped me along the way! The support at home is always good, the guidance from the "higher managment" has been good, but the "on the job" training I have received and those I work with daily, has been, by far, the most helpful and the most "eye opening"! My coworkers, the ones I manage (if you can call it that) are heaviest on my mind tonite, there is one co-worker/friend who is heaviest on both my heart and mind tonite.
Because of working every shift, every week, I get the true blessing of working with almost every employee in my little area. But, there is one that I get to work with more than others, his name is Russ, this is my friend that I am writing about, we know each other because of the job, but we became friends because of who Russ is! I honestly believe Russ has had my back from the beginning, the thing that sets him apart from the other employees, is that I consider him a friend! I do work along side of him more than any other employee.
OK, take a minute and remember my "New Years Resolution", if you could feel the pain in my heart right now (OH MY)! The need for that Resolution becomes more and more apparent every day, the more I think I am working towards it, the more I realize the necessity in my resolution and how I have consistently failed being a good friend!
I put Russ in a bad position, back in February and when he confronted me with it, he was angry and he yelled at me! My response, was not to be "treated this way" and I walked away. Walking away, when being yelled at is ok, as long as I come back and face the problem quickly, taking into account that my friend was trully hurt, by my actions! Coming back and facing the problem quickly is where I have totally failed!
Not coming back, is like your friend having a splinter in their toe and you have both the tweezers and the alcohol and you chose not to use them, it is just like looking at your friend and saying, "hmm does that hurt? Do you want me to help?" and your friend says "yes" and you act as though, you haven't heard their response!
What month are we in? Oh my we are really at the end of JULY and going to August and I have walked away from this issue for almost 6 months, ruining the best friendship I have at work! I work with Russ more often than I get to work with anyone else! Russ has had my back since the day I showed up at Cicero Roundhouse and about 1 week ago another Supervisor came to me and said, "Russ said, all you have to do is apologize"!
Why didn't I just come back the next day and say "I am so sorry that I put you in that position"? Why didn't I come back one week later and say that same line?
I know why,
I am so worried/concerned about being RIGHT, that I forget that I really really really, can just be WRONG! I can admit being wrong to my husband and my children, why can't I tell the one person, I know, is on my side at work?
Because, I will have to admit, that as hard as work at "ALWAYS" being right that many times I am just plain wrong.
Truth be told, 90% of my life is spent being wrong, but the good thing is I can usually admit to that! Why can't I admit to that at work?
I can write about my "goals" at work and how I want to make the company, I work for, an equal opportunity employer!
I can write about all the junk I have been through lately.
I can write about not being "treated in that matter"!
The truth is, I just didn't want to admit to being "wrong" at work, it hurts, it so hurts to be wrong at a place where I am trying to prove "I have the right to be there and have the ability to handle it"!
This is how I am going to try to change what I have wronged:
I am going to go to work tomorrow evening, I am going to call my friend and I am going to apologize to putting him in a "bad position"! I am not going to let him "off the hook" for yelling at me, but I am going to take what is my responsibility and I am going to attempt to make things right and attempt to be a good friend, oh yes that is my "New Years Resolution", it doesn't mean that mine and Russ' friendship end up where it was 6 months ago, it means that this is where I need to start!
Transparency and vulnerability, really stink at first but are honestly one of those "blessings in disguise!"
Do I think everything is going to be ok after tomorrow night? Don't know, but I am going to take my responsibilty for my part and pray, hope and think positive thoughts for my relationship with Russ!
I pray things turn out good, but more importantly, I pray that Russ and his family are where they need to be!
My hardest stuff is admitting I may be wrong in some area, proving to be harder is admitting, that I KNOW, I am wrong in this part of my life with friendships!!
Friday, July 24, 2009
My Dad just celebrated his 60th Birthday! I am so proud and amazed by the obstacles he has made it through! He is an awesome father and an amazing Grandpa! I am so proud to call him Dad!
Happy Birthday Dad!
TO MY DAD, my amazing, awesome, wonderful dad and to the GREATEST GRANDPA EVER:
This is his Yard Railroad and it has grown and transformed since these pics, I'll try and get some new ones on here soon!!
Here is a picture of the bridge that he built himself over the pond and water fall he put in.
I am so proud of you. I enjoy the relationship we have and even more the relationship you enjoy with Adam, Windy, Mitchell and Larry it gives me an overwhelming JOY!!!
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
My big sister was gone, the one who made my friends for me and helped me plan my life, the one who made it a point to help others and found it necessary to make good grades and made a stand by being an "upstanding young woman"! The lessons my big sister is still teaching me is amazing! My big sister has always been and will always be my best friend. I have found many good friends and have found amazing friends, my husband is my best friend for me as a wife, but to be that "bestest" never! It is very difficult to explain the loss and the pit that stands in my heart, but it has been there for almost 22 years and I am sure it will always be there! I am whole, regardless of the pit, but there is a piece always aching and missing. I know those of you who have lost someone close know exactly the place I am at.