This is just an outlet for me, to be able to get my thoughts out! I am a Woman, Wife and Mommy that also works outside the home! Just me trying to make it all work for the best for my family and myself! Just my journey!

Thursday, August 27, 2009


The kids are all back at school. I now have 2 in middle school and only one in elementary, wow, when did they all grow up? I know I saw them grow, I just can't believe they have come this far, right before my eyes! As fast as they are growing up, is as fast as things are changing and then also proves how much more growing up we all still have ahead of us!
yep, I said it, we all have alot of growing up to do!
I am finding that maturity isn't something we come upon one day and have reached, it is an ongoing life lesson. Some of the life lessons are neat and fun to go through and anticipated, but the older I get, the more I realize, sometimes this maturity thing hurts! Then I look back to being a child and a teenager and I realize, it has always been this way, just when we are children and teenagers it is more predictable, because we have our parents with us everyday and as parents, we not only give guidance but discipline and strong direct guidance! As I "grow up" I have way more freedom to make my choices and in doing so, when I make the wrong choice the consequences hurt even more! Ouch!
I have had two interviews at work in the passed two weeks and the first one, you know about, I didn't get it! The second interview, I am still waiting on the results! I know I'll be ok with either decision, but a change is exciting to me! I have had a recent change at work with my schedule, I get to work one shift all week, every week! After working 3 shifts every week for 2 years, I am ready and so is my body! I love normal routines. That being said, I already am going through change at work and I am excited, I get to work with the same group of people everyday and several them are good teachers! This group of people have alot to teach and the will to do it! I have already learned so much from them in my 2 days a week for the passed two years, can you imagine what I can learn from them in the near future, working everyday with them!
Wow, I am excited, either change is good! I have mixed emotions, as you can see! I want OUT of where I am right now and I want to STAY where I am right now!
No worries, it's in God's Hands and I am there also, resting and waiting!
I'll let you know what the decision is as soon as I know!

Thursday, August 13, 2009

We, as a family, have been through quite a few changes in the passed 3 years! Most of them have been good changes, well, wait, I believe all of the changes have been good, you know how God works: All things together for the greater good, of those who love HIM!!
There was one day recently that was both, amazing, happy and sad! I took Adam to the Dr for, what seemed to be "swimmers ear". All three of the kids had been "tent" camping with my dad, Grampa Pat, last week.
Adam went to the Dr and was weighed and measured. The day before this, I went to a wedding with Adam and noticed that even with my "heels" on I had to look up to him! Adam noticed the height difference also, but Me, being the awesome Mom that I am, told Adam he was out of his mind, he was not taller than me and it was just him "making things as he wanted!"

The nurse put this dispute at rest, as soon as she said "ok, you are 5'8"! Adam revelled in the joy of being "taller than mom" and joked about how his Dad isn't far away now! My heart went to go dial a number, the number the upset mommy's call when their heart sinks and is saddened and leaps and is full of joy, all at the same time!

Adam, at this same instance, was already dialing Auntie Polly, my cousin and friend! He quickly told her about his amazing growth and me and my mind were brought, almost 2o years ahead, where we are today!
This kid is literally growing up far too fast for me!!

Friday, August 7, 2009

Working Woman

This evening as I gave my Safety Briefing to my employees, I had to apologize for pushing them so hard, I had to apologize for putting my numbers before safety. I honestly didn't push them, but I was so "busy" with other stuff I wasn't aware enough to slow them down and ask them to stop! I failed my employees, the very ones I set out to protect everyday!
I was busy trying to find a way to repair a Locomotive for an "officer" train the next day! My employees, my guys, were busy trying to find a way to get through their night at work! By the time I got back to the service track, I had noticed my guys had serviced more than their fair share of units and that they should have stopped servicing locomotives a couple of hours ago! Now, not only were they tired, but they were trying to do good to make me look good! UGHhh! This is so wrong for a company to preaches safety the way we do and I preach preach preach safety! I should have been on the service track to say them stop! I wasn't I was out attempting to do a job, my employees had already attempted and knew we couldn't just do in a few moments!
I usually trust my guys, I usually follow their advise to a "T"! Why would this night be different, oh yea, My boss was pushing me further than he should have!
So, after the nightmares, after the safety interview with an employee, after being concerned for my employees all day, after being concerned for myself all day!
I stood in front of my guys, without a "line-up" and apologized for working them too hard! I answered to my boss and didn't need to and asked them to help me make our Railroad a safer place to work, and they all agreed! But, all of them fear the repercussions of our conversation during our briefing, this stinks and weighs my heart down even more!
While apologizing, one of the guys asked me "why does it look like you have been crying?" and I had to answer, because that is who I am and when I am upset and angry, either with myself or others, I cry! I am a girl and I cry!
It kills me, I try to prove everyday that I am "one of the guys" to only admit that "I am a girl"! The part that doesn't upset me is that God has created men and woman different, but he never gives us the right to be treated differently! I feel that I knock myself out daily to try to prove that I am right for my job and that I am worthy to move up and I honestly believe that I am just as good of a candidate for moving up as any man!
But some days I just cry like a girl!
Wrong or right, I just don't care, it is who I am and I am right for the job I am in, I can admit out loud that I am wrong and I can commit "out loud" to making changes, for the better and I can even request those changes at my inconvenience, because I know it isn't always about me!
So, tell me why in 2009 I feel as though I am still trying to make way for other women and not that we are treated equal to men in life and the workforce!?

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

I did it, I talked to my friend, the one I was being transparent about! Turns out, what I thought was the problem, really wasn't (isn't that always the way it is, when we let it all just keep building) it was completely different! Most importantly, the issue is resolved and my friend and coworker and I are back to "normal"!

Thank God for His continued pressing on my heart to resolve this or what I thought was the issue!

In other updates:
I continue to look for a new position at work, I am ready to make a career move, but as long as I am in the position I am in, I will make the best of it and continue to learn!!

The kids are gone with Grandpa on their annual "tent" camping vacation! They are having a blast, so far!

The biggest new challenge in my life: I have entered "Biggest Loser" contest at my gym! The winner gets a free membership and of course, to be less weighted!! I have "lifestyle" changes to be made! I can't wait to beat this challenge!