This is just an outlet for me, to be able to get my thoughts out! I am a Woman, Wife and Mommy that also works outside the home! Just me trying to make it all work for the best for my family and myself! Just my journey!

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

This is Not How it Was Planned.....Part 3 and final or not!!

I wrote in Part 1 how my family and I planned and wrote in Part 2 how I continued to plan..........I write in Part 3 how I continued to plan............
I continued to adjust and plan and celebrate the life I was going to lead, or so I thought (I really thought I had everything figured out)!

Mom divorced dad and 11 days after the divorce was final, I walked into our apartment, to find my sister had been murdered. Not just beaten or shot but, violently abused and stabbed and murdered.
My big sister was gone, the one who made my friends for me and helped me plan my life, the one who made it a point to help others and found it necessary to make good grades and made a stand by being an "upstanding young woman"! The lessons my big sister is still teaching me is amazing! My big sister has always been and will always be my best friend. I have found many good friends and have found amazing friends, my husband is my best friend for me as a wife, but to be that "bestest" never! It is very difficult to explain the loss and the pit that stands in my heart, but it has been there for almost 22 years and I am sure it will always be there! I am whole, regardless of the pit, but there is a piece always aching and missing. I know those of you who have lost someone close know exactly the place I am at.
My life changed and transformed, I met amazin people and saw the beauty and the awe inside people and friends that wouldn't have come out, otherwise.
I did go onto college and I did become a Chef and I did "help" someone open a restaurant, I was involved in every part of the restaurant opening. It was fun and somewhat fulfulling, but definately not what I was looking for, not that life fulfilling, "I did it" moment!
I went on to marry my husband Larry and we have 3 beautiful amazing children together. I have met and become friends with so many "good" people along the way. I have been loved and given love in a more free matter than before.
Would I change the circumstances of what happened?
Sure I would, if I could guarantee the outcome!
I am just not sure I am willing and selfless enough, to give up what I have been given. I love my sister Windy and I miss her everyday, EVERY DAY, without fail. I miss being a sister and an Auntie, sometimes. However, I have been given so much grace, it is unbelievable, I have 4 neices and two nephews and two amazing sisters, that were cousins before hand.
I do believe God puts things together before we even know what's happening. My mom encouraged a relationship between my cousins and I and my sister long before we ever knew why it was important.
I have had amazing friends that have been in my life for a long time and some that have come later, but none who have left my heart and my mind. Once I meet a good person and friend that's where they are and I never stop thinking about them!
If I could have the life that I have and have my sister and her family involved and we would all be very close, I would accept the change, but there is no guarantee of that!
I was had a very good friend tell me, "God really knows what he is doing" and that I believe! I believe he keeps me close and has Angels around myself and my family, I believe that when my heart aches the most, is when I am hearing from my Angels and want them to transform and allow me to hug them, but I also believe that when that happens, I should be extending myself to hug someone else! I know it doesn't make sense to most, but it totally makes sense to me!
I believe that sharing stories, good and bad, allows me to become closer to my friends that are sharing them. I know there are so many people I still haven't met that have a story to share about Windy and I can't wait to hear them.
I also believe that as my children grow and I relate the stories of my sisters life and my life to them, they will show me, the true love of siblings and God will allow me to share in their "moments" and love on them while they are going through it! That these moments will help me through my on going grief.
I also believe that as my children share in the lives of their cousins, we are transforming, what it means to be a Gallagher! To be from the Gallagher family together will mean a life of closeness and kindness!! The life I remember my mom and their moms instilling! As we move on and forward, we have and will continue to change things for the better!
I don't like how I got to, where I am, but I woulndn't change it for anything! There isn't any way for me to go back in time and change things, so this is where I tell you that believe that "all things work together for the greater good of those who love HIM"! I honestly believe that, but sometimes, I have to pray for my unbelief.
Truth is, I am thankful for the life I have and I am thankful for the friends and family I have and I honestly miss my sister daily and I miss the friends I have lost to death in the process. There isn't a day that my heart doesn't ache, there isn't a day that I am not thankful for where I am and there isn't a day that I do think and pray for those who have helped to change my life "for the greater good of those who love HIM"!

It never stops hurting!


  1. I know how painful and stretching the telling of this story has been for you. Thanks for sharing it though. Your openness and honesty and simply being who you are, is why I love you so! You tell it like it is, and are the same all the time with everyone. I value that transparency most in our friendship. I have learned so much from you, and continue to learn from you thanks to this blog.

  2. I am giving you a big hug right now cause you deserve it, reach out and grab it, after all you've been through. I know how much you miss your sister. I can only imagine. It is great that you can open up like this. Look how far you have come and how God has truly blessed your life with a beautiful loving family, job & home. And, thanks for the sweet comment. We need to get a blog meeting scheduled soon at Don Pablo's. I know Lisa needs a night out!

  3. Lisa and Mimi, you two are amazing and loving women! Thanks for the love, both of my cousins/sisters reached out to hug me today too! Maybe I opened up too much in these past few blogs,uh-oh, too late! I soo could use a NW bloggy meet up somewhere on a Sunday or a Monday or a Tuesday would be perfect for me, I know it doesn't work for others perfectly but an early meet up would be ok too, with kids is great too! You guys are so awesome!

  4. Chrissy -- I always hurt so much for you when you talk about Windy, but it is also always uplifting to hear how your faith sustains you. I admire you very much, friend.