This is just an outlet for me, to be able to get my thoughts out! I am a Woman, Wife and Mommy that also works outside the home! Just me trying to make it all work for the best for my family and myself! Just my journey!

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Another Aha

Today, so many great things happened! I really can't get them off my mind and my heart!
First, let me remember where I thought I was!
My best friend is Larbo! I went through a spell, for the past couple of years, curious, if I relied on him too much. I really wondered if he, really got everything or even he even cared about everything that I do!
I have also been REALLY angry, over the years, that my best friend or who I thought would be my best friend for life (bff, bestie) is gone and I have never found a replacement for her! Not that a replacement is what I have been looking for, it's honestly just the fact that who I thought would be here at my side and my BFF and my Bestie isn't here and that's something I never planned for and haven't gotten used to!
I have been jealous, over the years, of sister relationships! When I say jealous, I mean, really, upset and angry jealous! I really mean that, two-year old, tantrum throwin' "it's not fair, I had that and now it's gone!!!" Wow, what a moment for me, I really admitted, some major jealousy to myself here! Sadly, I have also been blessed with a MIL with lots of sisters and a close family, sadly I have always been a bit selfish as I have watched their interaction over the years! I get soo angry with myself over it! I knew I should be enjoying the relationshiop my MIL shares with her sisters and to "some degree" I did, but never all the way! What I was missing still hurt and this was a constant reminder of what could have been and what was stolen! Yep, hard stuff! Jealousy is so hard, it's not only an emotion, it's a passionate emotion and it is a party to hatred and it is a reality, a reality I know I have to face and deal with and never to surrender to (although I have a few times)!
Today I had a chance to meet with a friend that I haven't been face-to-face with in years!!!!! Through FB we have chatted lately, but today, I got to hug her and meet her and talk, talk face-to-face! I am so blessed! It really felt as though, we were just catching up. It's amazing when you share a love between friendships and pick it back up, some 20+ years later! I am honestly in awe of the restoration of true friendships, even after years and years. My day could have stopped there and I was already "over the top"!
I looked over my friends shoulder to see, two other friends, they are sisters, and they were sharing a meal together! They were chatting and laughing and even got serious a time or two! Yes, I did stop to watch. This is what I usually do, when I find sisters enjoying one another. On one-hand I really enjoy watching the relationship of sisters and on the other hand it makes me think about what is gone. Then still, it makes me remember what I had! I am so blessed by what I had!
But today was different! I just enjoyed seeing them and seeing them spend time together! I was blessed by the fact that they were sisters and blessed by one another and also that they had embraced that relationship!
My AHA moment
I wasn't, in the least bit jealous! I wasn't angry or sad and I wasn't thinking about what I was missing! I was enjoying their time together (I guess you could say I was dropping in on their time). It wasn't until a couple of hours later that I realized what had happened today. After all the years of praying the jealousy away, and trying to work through it, without even knowing it, the jealousy was gone! I was able to simply enjoy the blessings one sister brings to another! I wasn't angry or mad or sad, just really blessed!
My meet up with my friend is a different story for a different day. Not that it was any less of a blessing. That meet up has many more words to it and many more years behind it and in front of us! I am a lucky girl, a blessed young lady (I like calling myself a young lady!!!) God is good, He really does restore all!

1 comment:

  1. The honesty of your posts are heart retching and beautiful...and you are a beautiful Young Lady!