The moment before the key unlocks the front door, at the end of my day, is filled with nothing but anxiety, the most I face during my day! It's the moment I am the most concerned and anxious! Even if I have the house key out in my hand and put it right in the door, it feels as though it takes forever, that stupid lock takes forever to open!
I walk in and look around and the dogs are acting normal! But I'm still full of anxiety! It takes forever to get my boots off, sometimes I don't even untie them, I just unloop them! Put my keys in the key bucket and DASH up the stairs!
I open the bedroom doors and find all three of my children sleeping sound! I give each one a quick kiss on the cheek and thank God they are ok and sometimes one will wake up, only to roll over and I get a "hi Mom"! They look peaceful and sweet, the anxiety starts to diminish! Our children are safe! I rush over to the master bedroom and find Larbo sleeping well, usually with his glasses still on! I take his glasses off give him a kiss, I usually scare him and make him jump (after work I guess I can be pretty scary), poor guy!
The anxiety is completely gone, my heart rate starts to come down and I am sooo thankful! Once again, I have returned home to my family and they are well! I take a moment and thank God for listening to my prayers all day and specifically the prayers that I begin to pray about 20 minutes into my ride toward home!
I know where my battle comes from and I know where it ends!
Every night as I'm returning home, I fight this battle! I get it, I pray about it and I trust. This is one of those battles that takes a lot longer to win. Maybe, this battle will never actually be beat, maybe it's more of a lesson in trusting God with my family every day, I like to think it is a battle that is won daily! I like to think that daily I trust Him just a lil bit more with my family! I know that He is holding them more tight than I ever do!
My anxiety is gone! I know my battle will start again tomorrow! I know where it begins and why I fight it, I also know it ends....................tomorrow, I'll pray that I don't fight the same battle and I know that tomorrow the key will turn sooooo slow!