This is just an outlet for me, to be able to get my thoughts out! I am a Woman, Wife and Mommy that also works outside the home! Just me trying to make it all work for the best for my family and myself! Just my journey!

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

The Key Turns So Slow......

The moment before the key unlocks the front door, at the end of my day, is filled with nothing but anxiety, the most I face during my day! It's the moment I am the most concerned and anxious! Even if I have the house key out in my hand and put it right in the door, it feels as though it takes forever, that stupid lock takes forever to open!
I walk in and look around and the dogs are acting normal! But I'm still full of anxiety! It takes forever to get my boots off, sometimes I don't even untie them, I just unloop them! Put my keys in the key bucket and DASH up the stairs!
I open the bedroom doors and find all three of my children sleeping sound! I give each one a quick kiss on the cheek and thank God they are ok and sometimes one will wake up, only to roll over and I get a "hi Mom"! They look peaceful and sweet, the anxiety starts to diminish! Our children are safe! I rush over to the master bedroom and find Larbo sleeping well, usually with his glasses still on! I take his glasses off give him a kiss, I usually scare him and make him jump (after work I guess I can be pretty scary), poor guy!
The anxiety is completely gone, my heart rate starts to come down and I am sooo thankful! Once again, I have returned home to my family and they are well! I take a moment and thank God for listening to my prayers all day and specifically the prayers that I begin to pray about 20 minutes into my ride toward home!
I know where my battle comes from and I know where it ends!
Every night as I'm returning home, I fight this battle! I get it, I pray about it and I trust. This is one of those battles that takes a lot longer to win. Maybe, this battle will never actually be beat, maybe it's more of a lesson in trusting God with my family every day, I like to think it is a battle that is won daily! I like to think that daily I trust Him just a lil bit more with my family! I know that He is holding them more tight than I ever do!
My anxiety is gone! I know my battle will start again tomorrow! I know where it begins and why I fight it, I also know it ends....................tomorrow, I'll pray that I don't fight the same battle and I know that tomorrow the key will turn sooooo slow!

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