This is just an outlet for me, to be able to get my thoughts out! I am a Woman, Wife and Mommy that also works outside the home! Just me trying to make it all work for the best for my family and myself! Just my journey!

Friday, September 18, 2009

They're Baaaack.............part 1

Remember Poltergeist? Probably the only scary movie I ever watched, to most people it isn't that scary, but to me it was more than enough! I don't do scary movies and I don't do scary games! To me, life is scary enough without adding to it!
Having a schedule, has brought something back to my sleep, and it's not good!
My entire life, I have fought the battle of "bad dreams" which eventually turned to nightmares and then turned to REALLY BAD NIGHTMARES! Today, they have a word for what I was going through when they were really bad nightmares, today the are called "night terrors"!
For years, I battled these things! They were never just dreaming, what made them worse was the damage I would cause to myself in my sleep.
When I would finally wake up from these things, there would be bruising on my body and face and clumps of hair missing from my scalp, lots of talking/screaming and the sweating and the terror that came when I woke up was unbearable. Many of nights, I found myself just afraid to sleep and it had nothing to do with the damage I was doing to myself, it was the terror that awaited me in my dreams! I was in high school when these started and I know why they were there and I always knew, but unless absolutely necessary I didn't tell anyone! I was embarrassed that I could cause myself such damage and not have a real explanation for it. Thankfully, at the time none of my friends asked about the bruising or the other stuff and I didn't spend the night very many places back then, I always had to get home to be with mom! My poor mom, would be woken up by screams or yelling and wake me up! This totally sucked! The moms of my friends didn't let me just skate by without answering questions and most of the time it was just a quick question from them and a one word answer from me "nightmares"! Enough said!
The really embarrassing moments came when I had boyfriends, that included my husband. We would be around their families and they would notice bruising! These poor families, the parents would think the worst of their sons and then pull me aside and ask "what happened?" To which, I would explain the problem. The relief I could see in their face immediately and almost simultaneously the concern for me! I didn't know how to stop it, I didn't know how to hide it and I didn't know how to stay awake all the time, although I did spend alot of time awake during these years! Given the chance to fall asleep next to someone holding me, whether at night or in the middle of the day, I'd always take it! Someone would be there to wake me as soon as the movement started or the talking began. Many times I would get a good hour of sleep in and ohhhh the difference it made! Then to be able to sleep next to someone night after night and be held was a "God-Sent"!
I fought night terrors for more then 10 years and one day, "poof" my dreams were gone! No more dreaming, not even good ones and to me that was an answer to much much prayer!
The night terrors aren't back, I pray to God they never come back! The bad dreams/nightmares are back! I wake up concerned and frustrated, a bit rested, but not as much as I should be after 7 hours sleep!

No comments:

Post a Comment