This is just an outlet for me, to be able to get my thoughts out! I am a Woman, Wife and Mommy that also works outside the home! Just me trying to make it all work for the best for my family and myself! Just my journey!

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Sometimes the Aunt Hits Too Hard

This morning I was signing a Birthday card for my niece and I couldn't sign it Aunt Chrissy.  I just couldn't.  I tried to just do-it and my heart stopped, my hand cramped.  It's not at ALL because of her!  My niece is a doll, a sweetheart and a true blessing in my life!  It's my memory and my heart that stopped it.
This is the point where I just vent!
I don't need the I'm sorrys' and the that's too bads!  I just need a moment to vent and get it out and know that my feelings are real, right and even validated!
I'm not supposed, (I was supposed to be) an Aunt!  I'm not.....somehow I am and I am an Aunt to alot of GREAT kids!
As great as it is to be an Aunt, sometimes it's just a reminder of what was lost! 
I tell my kids about their Aunt Windy, all the while, I know, they don't really know.  But I tell them and they listen and engage in conversation and it makes me feel good and validated!
This afternoon, I signed a Birthday card to my niece: Chrissy!  Uncle Larry, Chrissy and so on! What's wrong with me??  I've never ever had myself stopped so suddenly and hard, by me!
I have so many nieces and nephews and it's never hit this hard before!
My heart ached and my eyes watered (eyes watering are sooo normal for me) and I heard myself say to my sister "I miss you".  I said it out loud!
Yep, I know, it's ok, to sometimes, feel this way and my feelings are right!
But MAN, right now, right when my niece is celebrating her 18th!  Seriously, I NEEDED to sign Aunt Chrissy and I just couldn't do it!
Sometimes the Aunt really really just hits too hard! 
I tell myself to celebrate  and enjoy all I have been blessed with!  I tell myself to be thankful and love!
I HATE that the hurt just reveals itself at the most inopportune time!  I HATE that I can't shake it!
In the same thought/breath, I'm thankful for my time and I'm thankful for my sister and for her life!
Sometimes, the missing just stinkin' hits at the worst time!
So, to redeem what has been given:
Happy Birthday my beautiful Niece!  Love, Aunt Chrissy!

1 comment:

  1. Windy is never totally gone as long as she lives on in your memories of her. She would be proud of your and the woman you have become, Chrissy. :)