I am about to be truly honest...

some days and months are harder than others. I love my husband and my children and feel truly blessed. I have good family and good friends. Just because I have all this doesn't stop the Pain I have been in going on 20 years, no it does not stop and it doesn't go away, most of the time we go on as if nothing happened.

I truly loved my sister Windy. She was my best friend and I miss her daily. Yes I have close cousins and their kids I call my nieces and nephews, I love them as though they are. There is a piece of my heart that died 20 years ago, I don't know if it will feel anything ever again, it doesn't sadden me, it makes me feel joy, because that is the piece of my heart for my sister, my Windy.

A man made a choice almost 20 years ago to take her life. I would never wish this on my worst enemy and normally I would never burden anyone with the guilt of the pain I feel. But here you choose to read or to comment and here is where I feel I can talk and write and not worry about what anyone else thinks. This is about me!!

My kids will not ever know their aunt, I can tell them about her and compare them to her. But they missed the opportunity of knowing her. They will never get to make their own opinions of her. I will never get to call her on the phone and say: This is bothering me, can you help? Or say I love you or your niece or nephew want to talk or spend time with you!!

My husband has this with his sister, they are not as close as my sister and I. We were 13 months apart and close. Same friends, same parents, and lots of the same hard choices in front of us. We were going through the same junk when she was killed!

I miss her, I wish my kids would have met her. I hate, hate, seeing my parents hurt over the loss of her. I guess the pain does, die or we learn how to get over it, or like I say get over it or go around it. It never really stops!

I can't help, but to be a little sad!!

My Yaya has made good friends! Friends that I like and I like the families and I enjoy the friendship she has found in these girls. To get to the point her friend is moving. Windy dealt with the move of her Best Friend 1 1/2 years ago and took it pretty hard. I feel that they do a good job of keeping in touch, but it isn't the same as when she lived right next door. It does help that I am good friends with her mom, and they help us to keep in touch also!! Yaya doesn't have alot of close cousins that are her age, or a sister, her age, like I did! She seems to create something of this in her good friends. She does allow herself to be open and let her emotions show to these good friends. Yaya, loves and shows she loves. She is an amazing child. She gets frustrated, like all kids and gets in trouble just like other kids. She does enjoy watching people enjoy things or moments or gifts, she is very easy going, because she tends to want everyone else to be happy.
Now, Windy is going through it again!! Her bud from down the street, whose Grandma also watches her and Mitch after school, is moving, TODAY!! I have prayed that they would be able to purchase the house they are moving out of and it was not possible, God has different plans!! Windy is very, very good at using the phone she will keep in touch with her friends! Windy seems to roll with the punches, and take things in stride. I hurt and am sad for Windy!! Please pray my Yaya makes it through this and that she is able to keep in touch with her friend Katie, the same way she keeps in touch with Karly! I am a mom at a loss for words but a heart that cares, all I can do is say "I am sorry your sad, I know it hurts, and can I help you through this". Sometimes being a mom hurts!

But I soooo Stink!!!

I was able to run the service track today,
by myself, thank you very much!! I understand it and am now calling myself a Locomotive Mechanical, Relief Supervisor (sounds so official, or not so much)!!! I did run it and have been told that I can hold this Temp position until the end of the year!!! It is really going well, hate to say, I am still not where I planned to be at this time, but I am still moving forward, so it is hard to complain........

BUT, I sooooooooooooooooo STINK!! My cousin's birthday just passed on the 23rd and I tried so hard to upload a video on here of the kids singing happy birthday (it was so cute) and it did not take after several times of trying!!

Anyway, so you know it was very important to me to wish Shane a happy birthday and I wanted it to be a special wish, and it just didn't work the way I wanted it to!!! Soin words, I will put what I think!

If you don't already know I have a couple cousins that I am very very close to and they are very special to me, they are like siblings, you would need to know me to understand (another post later in time). My cousin Shane just had a birthday, she is an amazing: Wife, Mother and Woman. She is raising three beautiful children and they are well-behaved and obedient (maybe her husband helped a little) and she is a loving and caring wife (to my husband's best friend) and she has pushed through so much, let me just say an amazing woman!! She is the wife of a "Millitary Man" and has made the moves to help him with his career, or their career, however that is said. She has 3 beautiful children, Kylie, Nathan, and Ava and she continues to raise them well, her children are always a joy to be around!! She is currently attending college, yes around everyone else's schedule and doing well! and some how she is able to keep her house intact. Shane's family has a strong sense of family and accountability and she has given them this. Shane is truly, truly an amazing woman! She goes far beyond any expectations you can put on any woman!! Hope your birthday was unbelievably blessed! Sorry this post is late, I really wanted the video to work!!!

Love ya Shane, take care! I miss you and your family!!

Tales from the Scales Tuesday!!

OK down to 185. 2 more pounds down. I did eat a snickers today, so I was a little concerned about getting on the scale and Mitch and I split a personal pan pizza from Pizza Hut on Sunday. So maybe, I was, a ton concerned. I still ate mostly fresh food and didn't eat too late at night, I still enjoyed a few "goodies" here and there. I know that the time will come when I need to be totally strict, I am not ready for it right now!! I do know that the first week I don't lose weight I will be a little more strict. I am committed to myself for this weight loss, yes I want to look good, but even more I want to feel Healthy again!!!!! I must tell you that, this is the first time I have done "scale" weight loss and it is keeping me in check not to mention the blogging about it (that I have committed to being totally honest to)!
Let me also say, that I know life happens and I do eat "once in a while foods" more often than I like to admit, but I am not one to beat myself up over it!! So, I ate a snicker's, and at lunch (the next meal) I was back on track, not just giving up but continuing!!! Yes, I am patting myself on the back a little (I do have really long arms!!!!!!) I am really good at building myself up, the reason I am probably at the weight I am, I JUST DON'T SEE THE WEIGHT THE SCALE SAYS!!!!! But, I definitely see the sizes going up!! I have yet to see the sizes go down (STRETCHY JEANS STINK) and I have yet to see a mirror image change, but the scale has and right now my hope is in what is positive!!!!!! Thanks for listening to me ramble!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Weight Loss to all and to all a GOOD NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Amazing Coaches

Yesterday, Sunday, Merrillville Pirates Pop Warner Jr. Midgets won the game against Hobart Brickies, Pop Warner!!

Another exciting game and the boys just beamed with excitement of winning a game!! I was so proud of them!

Another very exciting part of watching the kids play football is watching the interaction with the kids and their coaches. To volunteer to be a coach is very noble and can be unrewarding. I have had awesome experiences with all of the coaches I have dealt with. This, in my opinion, is amazing, everyone always has some kind of issue with at least one coach, right? As much as I enjoy watching the game, isn't it nice to watch someone else enjoy our children and have a
passion for what sport they are enjoying and to watch them begin to understand something that I don't quite get is amazing!! I have coached, in the past, and have truly enjoyed it. I will only coach in what sports I really understand, which leaves me limited, but I did have the passion to teach the team about the sport!! I just want to thank all those coaches who truly have a passion for the sport they are coaching and who more so have a passion for the children they are coaching!!

Phone and Internet BACK ON!!

Can you believe I was told by tech support it would not be until Saturday (the next one) that they could come and fix our phone and DSL!! The tech woman called this morning, as I was beginning to get ready for my day, about 9:30am and said I am right down the street, I am coming to repair your DSL right now, it is inside your house. Doesn't everyone love unexpected guests!!!!??? So myself, and my husband, barely, barely barely awake, begin rip, running and roaring through our disaster zone trying to clean up and not look like the total slobs we are!!! Needless to say, she showed up at the house to soon, and I apologized for the mess and kept cleaning and she continued to do her job and do it well, HERE we are!! Yea, and on a Sunday, I had no idea, the technician said they had scheduled her and they should have told me, but who cares all is fixed and I'm embarrassed by the disaster we have been wading through and I am back on track!! Now, If I can only get my oven fixed!

Anyway, on another note: We only had one soccer game yesterday, in the evening. We did have football practice and bowling but I couldn't have planned the timing better myself, I didn't have to rush or drag or involve more help, hubby and myself were able to handle the kid stuff by ourselves (unusual huh). During our running to get to a birthday party, in the evening, after Mitch's game, I was grilled about certain people in our family, talk about trying to put on guilt trips, Mama escaped and passed the buck! All I have to say is if you come to Mitch's game, make sure you say hello to him, otherwise he doesn't believe you were there, and my word isn't enough! One funny thing he did say to me in the car:

"I was playing against two of my friends on the purple team and they didn't even know we were defitting (defeating) them!!!!"

Thursday Conversations Lately:

#1 Are you getting off on time today?

#2 Yes, I know it is Thursday, I will be home.

#1 What is there for dinner?

#2 (names off whatever we have or where we can order from)

#1 Who are you taking?

#2 I am taking the little one (or one of us says) the older two

#1 Who is making dinner (or picking it up)

#2 find out who has homework and what needs to be done.

#1 I know

#2 All practices start at 5:30 again

#1 (reassuring) Yes

#2 Call you when I am in the car

#1 OK

#2 Love you, bye

#1 Love you too, bye

This conversation is the same every Thursday, and it can be me that is #1 or hubby that is #1 (in the conversation, not in real life!) In case you didn't notice all three kids have practice on Thursday's all at the same time in different places!! We start coordinating early and it tires us out, by the time 8:15 rolls around it feels like midnight!!! This is us coordinating on Thursday's to make sure everyone is in the right place at the right time, with the right parent and that homework and dinner and yes showers and bedtime are done on time!!!!!! This Thursday is done and done OK, only 4 more like this to go (we have been doing this for 4 weeks now, I don't like this routine)!!!!!!!!!!!

Thankful Thursday is over, Goodnight!

Tales from the Scales Tuesday!!

Ok, the official start, and today as I step on the scale I have lost 2 lbs. + but whose counting!! I have a large, huge goal of weight loss. I was at 193 two weeks ago! Last week, in one week I lost 5lbs and now 2 more I am down to 186 lbs. Now I am really accountable. I have never done this scale weight loss thing before!!! I have always gone by what I see or how I feel, buying bigger jeans has never changed anything for me, I always see myself the same in the mirror. The mirror image hasn't changed yet, it is only 7lbs.!!! Now, if you are looking into losing weight and need to be held accountable (as I do) link on and join. Oh yea, if you don't have anything nice to say, JUST DON'T!! I am on my way to 140 lbs. If I loose more great. I am going to reach this goal before I set more, matter of fact for next week my goal is to lose 2 more lbs.!

Tales from the scales

WINNING in so many ways!!!

Adam saw the Podiatrist today and it is official, he is fighting Sever's Disease. This Dr. offered plenty of hope to my husband (which he passed on). I found out today that my insurance does cover the cushioning he needs to beat this and ease him through it. He does not have to quit any of his sports or walking. This DR. Says it is NOT growing pains, and my husband saw, by the x-ray, that it is calcium deposits and we need to cushion his heels to give him comfort until the calcium deposits are gone. The other thing the Doctor noticed (as mom and dad we already noticed) Adam has high arches, this only adds to the problem. This Dr. gave him cushioning to wear for about 1 1/2 weeks, until the molded cushions come in, and we won't have to change anything, except allow Adam, to wear tennis shoes in the house (I'll be purchasing real house shoes tomorrow, slippers aren't supportive enough). I do believe Adam will be fine very, VERY, very shortly!!

As God would have it, the Doctor Adam saw also fought this when he was young (back when there wasn't a name or treatment) so he empathizes with Adam and is directing us very well! Thank you for all your prayers and continue to lift Adam up for speedy recovery from this Sever's Disease.

On an even happier note, Adam's team won their football game on Sunday, Merrillville Pirates beat the Munster Colts 28-6. What a proud time for all these kids and their parents!! CONGRATULATIONS MERRILLVILLE JR. MIDGET PIRATES!!!

Thanks

Friday went well, thank you for all your support! The foreman who is training me allowed me to "handle" everything stepped in only when necessary! It went pretty well, and to boot it was not a typical calm day, we were under pressure of getting loco's out on time! It was good for me and good for my confidence. I knew prayers had gone out!! Thank you!

On another good note: I passed my certification for Locomotive Mechanical Supervisor!! One more certification to add to my list (my husband said). Now, I just need an exempt position in order to use this certification!!! My husband made me laugh last night when I told him I passed my certification, as he went through the list of certifications I have!! I am Certifiably Certified without the right position to show for it!!! Kind of funny and sad too! One thing, no one can take away an education right?!

Rough

Rough day, lots of training, lots of running kids. Very fulfilling day learned alot and all is accomplished. May I say, I am glad the cleaning fairy comes tomorrow!! Here is to better days to come!! TGIF tomorrow. Everyone have a good sleep and a good day tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Have I ever told you I love this blogging thing!! This is great get thoughts and words out, see what others are thinking and don't feel alone as a crazy women!! We are all crazy together!!

YOU BLOGGERS ARE GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh, please pray and think of me on Friday, I want to go in and "handle it" by myself. I believe I have been trained well and it is time, I pray...

Girls ain't all that!!

Notice to all of you with all BOYS: Don't worry so much and don't be so interested in a girl. I just went shopping with my only daughter this evening and spent way toooo much and got waaaaay to deep into conversation, because, "enquiring girls minds want to know". My husband took both boys shopping for clothes and they spent less than half as much and less than half as much time and came home, the "girl" and I made a date of it. Although, fun.......I am looking at the checkbook now...........................................................................................................................OUCH!!
Those of you with more than 1 girl must have tons of patience and tons of SELF CONTROL. Is it just me or is everything they try on so darling!! And do they need shoes and accessories to go with everything, or am I setting myself up for later!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I posted Tales from the Scales Tuesday and it is a COOL Challenge

Simply click on this link if you want to join in Tales from the Scales. It is so meant for me, just in the name. I am already counted in!!!!!!!!!

Tales from the Scales Tuesday!!

It was a good week for weight loss, 5 pounds, (I don't care what kind of weight the scale read less) actually a little more than 5, but less than 6 but who's counting!!!!
I have never done this SCALE weight loss thing before, I have always gone by how I feel, I have done the "how it fits" in recent!! So this is all new. I don't feel any different and I am not wearing anything different, but the scale said I lost weight and I am encouraged by that!! This is the encouragement I never gave myself before!!
Thanks so much for all of your encouraging and sweet words, I really appreciated all of them. I am definitely one of those people who likes to allow myself to think I am being held accountable!! The reason I enjoy group fitness, work, family etc. etc. they all hold me accountable and I MUST rise to the challenge. Don't get me wrong, everything in moderation. I do enjoy it when something as silly as blogging about weight-loss held me accountable and held me through week #1. So even if you don't want to, I am having you hold me accountable, Thanks a bunch!!

My boy said to me, "Mom could you please not yell and cheer at my games, or just cheer quieter"

he also said, "I know you are just trying to encourage us, but we know what we are supposed to do and your just aggravating the guys,"

he went on to say, "now at practice I have to go and get some guys."

"Why?" I ask.

"Because they were saying things to you".

I ask, "What were they saying?"

Boy replies, "I really don't want to tell you, can you just bring it down a bit, so I don't have to get on the guys".

Conversation ends.
He really is growing up so fast, let me also say 12 is hard on me!!!

I remember when he used to say "Hermember (remember) the time..."
Or he would say "Pay a pension (attention)"

Or he would be so happy and enjoying his food he would say, "MMM, this is good, mmm, this, mmm, is so good, mm, mm, yum, mmm, mm"!! (Back then sound affects were cute while he was eating, not so much anymore)

Now he says, "You fail to recognize I am a pre-teen"

NOW WHAT!!

Officially a "Soccer Mom"

I have never been a "soccer mom", I have been a football, cheerleader, baseball, softball, gymnastics, dance, room, tumbling, PTO, Ministry volunteer, and crazy MOM, and today I officially became........SOCCER MOM!!! Not sure why we haven't done this yet, I already have the "grocery getter" (station wagon) and have already been Mom taxi. Soccer never came into the mix until recently!

We have never tried soccer, I know nothing about it. I have two children that wanted to give it a try. So here we are, first game of the season and they add pictures in this day. You know they have to have chin guards or they can't play....found that out first day of practice!! So I am learning.

Back to the "soccer mom" thing: Not only is it our first game and pictures, but the oldest has practice all at the same time (everyone) and hubby is out of town and Nana (Bringing in the reinforcements) has this thing called a job, so guess what, yep I am on my own. Out of the house before 8am, no coffee (the coffee pot is with hubby) and no breakfast. By 9:10 the two youngest are with their coaches and I am in the car taking the oldest (the rule enforcer) to practice. He is upset because he is late, we do not run late and if Coach Steve is there I am going to get it, I tell him I will talk to coach and let him know what happened and that this time it is not his fault! The Rule Enforcer states "that will be unacceptable, coach will still give it to me". I say I can guarantee that Coach will accept the excuse and he will not be in trouble! We make it there and my Rule Enforcer has finally ended my butt chewing!! (I did raise this child, I never ever like to be late and it stresses me out when we are). Everyone where they are supposed to be and situated and me STILL NO COFFEE! I know I swore off fast food, but does buying coffee count? Then I gave in, I bought coffee from BK!! Now do it all in reverse, but all is clearer now I have COFFEE!!

I just want to know, how does a single mom do it, How does she get everyone where they are going, all the time, how does she manage?

Bringing in the reinforcements..

Anyone who thinks I do things on my own is totally and completely wrong. I received two phone calls about homework last week....my daughter's teach emailed and stated: "Windy is not getting her homework completed and not having you sign where you need to" Adam's teacher had Adam call his dad and report he was also missing homework and signatures!! During week 2 of school???? We as parents come home and "get on them" give them the "this is unacceptable" talk and the warning and the punishment to come if this happens again!

In conversation I tell my mom of the conversations I had with teachers and the kids and she immediately jumps in I am off this day and this day I will come and get the kids from the babysitters and get them on their homework. My mom, Nana, states "maybe I can help get them in the routine of homework after school". I accept the help and move on. So glad Nana offered and I accepted, the first day has gone great, kids with homework done and Nana made dinner (YES)!! Kids are in bed, reading, but quiet and in bed (8:20) I am amazed and need the rest. I was also able to get a couple of other things done around the house along with taking one to practice and pictures and all the other in between!!! May I take a moment to say YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAA for NANA she always helps us out so much!! I hope this puts the kids on the right track and NO MORE Homework calls!!!

And the "trying me" has had a good day with choices, food choices!!! Still keeping on, thanks for all the encouragement!!!

Special thanks to NANA, for all her amazing help!!!!

Is That Me?

Wow that is really me. Can I tell you that that is not what I see when I look in the mirror. Is it possible to fool yourself with too good Body

Image! This totally stinks, I am starting out with not eating after 7pm (since I should be in bed before 9pm). I will take it one step at a time. Oh, and I am soooooooo with Crooked Eyebrow with the not eating fast food, (This one is easy, I don't really care to anyway. Now, let me tell you, I really try not to complain, because I don't need any help (I complain just fine on my own), don't need anyone jumping on my bandwagon and reminding me what I was complaining about!!! Another reason I don't involve family and friends in my issues, I am over it faster than they are!!!

BUT, OH WOW, gotta do something, yesterday!!!!

Just because I am whining, let me finish: My company hired a "management trainee" for the position I am training for (I wasn't promised), they didn't even post it, he just got it!!! More jumping through hoops, oh yea (you hear the sarcasm). But the "silver lining" my husband pointed out, if this "management trainee" came back any sooner I would not have even been given the training and would not have had the opportunity to train (I am still training). So, Mrs. Witt, suck it up, stop complaining and trust in the promise given to you!!

Now this weight thing: NO "SILVER LINING" just lose it!!! This stinks!!!

What started out great

ended great. In the middle not so much!!!! I got two, 2 did you see 2, mommy's nights out. I hardly know how to act!! On Friday, I was asked to a friends house with other moms. Moms that needed to complain and complement the same as me. And you thought I was done........... On Saturday I got to go out and me some fun ladies, mommies, women I have never met. I felt I already knew them from blogging. How funny is that? I did not take my camera...go to crooked eybrow or adventures in babywearing or mimi's toes or I should be doing laundry and you can see how much fun we had (only at the start). Please next time join us for some fun!!! In the middle of my weekend, I felt kind of yucky not like doing so much. It was still a 3-day who can complain!!! Mitchy came down with a HEADACHE (that kind you don't know, should I let him sleep or take him in). He fell asleep and woke up wondering what day it was. Thankfully, hubby had repairs scheduled to do tomorrow (this means he can stay home with a boy if we need him to). I love the fact that my hubby is self employed and also the fact that he is soooooooooooooo for being the daddy closest to home, cause in my job I tooooooooootalllllllly cannot!! To recap: I went out two nights in a row, watched a family movie, grounded one kid for one week, and loved on all 3 a bunch (just got one more good night kiss and a have a good day at work from one) and a night sort-of alone with hubby!!! It has been a goooooooooooooooooood 3-day weekend! I hope everyone else's has gone as well!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FREE SHOES

Enter here for a cool contest: I should be folding laundry is having a giveaway. Contest for a free pair of Ryka's.

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY POLLY!!!!!

KISSES TO THE BIRTHDAY GIRL!!!!!!!!!!

Better late than never!! Polly is my cousin, a wife to John, mommy to Leo and moooooooooooom to Jordan!! To add to that she is also a student, a nurse, a long-term dog-sitter (at what point do you decide the dog is yours and you are not sitting 1yr or 2, 3..). She is a very amazing "29" year old woman. She is constantly busy and doing and caring for everyone but herself. I could not imagine doing everything she is doing and still having energy to chase Leo or deal with a 15 year old girl!! How does she do it? I really couldn't tell you. I can tell you that she spent the first 12 years of her daughter's life raising her by herself and doing a fine job!! I can tell you that she waited until the right man came along before she chose to marry! She is an amazing beautiful young woman who keeps going and has dreams and desires and attains them!!

We have this new motivation that comes once every two weeks. She comes to help us clean our house!! The night before and the morning of that she is here we go crazy picking up and making sure sooooo much more is done. Truth be known the original thought was that we could keep up with the day-to-day and she would get the deep cleaning. Most times we are fine, like everyone else we are adjusting to the back-to-school, the balance of it. My kids have always had some kind of chores (age appropriate) and helped out!
The responsibilities that have been implemented and stuck throughout the past few years are as follows:
I have 7 different labelled, hampers right by the washer (have as many hampers as you have different types of loads) Whites, dark, heavy dark, jeans, towels, things that don't get dried, and pastels. Everyone is required to sort their own laundry. They do have baskets in their rooms to help with getting it out there, but are required to sort laundry daily. This helps us keep up with laundry and not constantly sort (takes more time). My older two kids are required to do laundry, wash, dry, fold and put away (only implemented this summer). When they were younger, they were required to change the washer to the dryer and bring the load that needed to be folded to me, I would be doing something else at this time!!

Until recently, we had a working dishwasher. We have always loaded as we go. Clear from the table, rinse and load. Everyone can do this and it sure alleviates the dish thing!! Now without the dishwasher I bought a "handy dandy" sponge with a handle that you put dish soap in and everyone is required to wash their own dishes. My mom actually implemented this one when I was a child and it worked for her, so why not me!! It does help, the pots and pans will still be there, but it is less!!

Anyone, 3-73 can swiffer!! It may not be perfect but it will be better, allow them to help!! Purchase the wet swiffer and have them "play" with that!!

Kids love to spray stuff, so give them the window cleaner and plenty of paper towels and let them clean their own finger prints, they are perfect size to get them and know exactly where they are at!

When someone asks if they can help or if you need help, be honest and say yes!! I don't know any mom who could not use an extra two hands all the time!!

Let your spouse do it his way and don't redo it, it is a waste of time and will make them stop helping. How dare you take that sense of accomplishment away from them!! It doesn't have to be "my way or the highway" there is more than one way to do everything!!

Most of all prioritize and remember what is important!!

I can't say that everything is perfect, but over the years of raising children I have learned to relax more and enjoy more. These things have helped. I am implementing more but don't have all the kinks worked out, I will share as I work it out!!