Changes

I changed my blog look and I am pretty proud of myself!! See the title! I created that, all by myself! It did take me a while, someone else could have had it done in less time, nonetheless, I'm proud of me! If I could only get it a lil less long so you don't feel like you have to scroll to the right! But the post all shows in the middle of the screen and you don't have to scroll to read it! So, I'm leaving it! I still plan on tweeking my colors a bit, but for now, I'm happy!
I have alot of !!!! in this post. Guess I'm happy!

I was considering moving over to Wordpress. I did download and try to start the process but I still can't quite figure it out! I understand it does cost dollars every month, but it looks like there maybe a few more options with decorating the blog. Any of you that use Wordpress or that have used Wordpress have anything, good or bad, that may help my direction?
Changes in the process, maybe a different location? But for now, I'm very happy with where I am and I am proud of the changes I have made!!

Mitchy is 9!!!!

as we head into our weekend and get ready to celebrate Mitchy's Bday with family and with his friends oh yea, two seperate parties, I'm ready (I love looong weekends) I am a little heart broken and yet very excited!
As I was calling my cousin on Wednesday, to find out how they were weathering all that crazy weather (55 inches of snow and possibly more???), I remember telling her "he's half way to being able to leave home!"
With that statement, I could feel the tears in my eyes and the huge lump in my throat!
I have never EVER denied the fact that my children were all going to leave "home" one day and be on their own! This is what raising children, is supposed to prepare us for! Honestly, I have chatted and talked with my children and my husband on several different occasions, on the celebration of each one of the children leaving home, with a sense of purpose, coupled with confidence! These lil' conversations have come, One-on-one between myself and each of the children and one-on-one between my Hubby and I! These conversations have come in different group settings, including and not including my children (all of them and only one of them)! I plan with my husband, for our life, when the children are grown!
I really don't believe I am in denial and I don't believe that they won't leave, I honestly believe, they can't wait! I hope that I am raising, "self-confident" children, that can't wait to get out and do it "on their own"! I tell them all, almost daily that they WILL, go to college! I don't care what kind, but they will complete some sort of course, secondary schooling! Certificate, AOS, or higher (my prayer is that they want more education than less) and on and on! I don't care how far they choose to go, as long as they "complete" something in College,that they "honestly" love when they love, and that they find the "heart of others" before they make a choice and they use prayer and common sense, to make their choices for life! Most of all, I pray, they rely on God!
I believe, that all my children know all this and they believe it!
Back to the post!
I can't believe we are closer to having 'just the two of us' at home than we are at have more family at home!
Honestly, this "two of us" thing, is something Larry and I have planned for since, before we were married! I don't think either of us realized, how hard our children would pull on our hearts!
My baby is 9 and he is soo good for this Witt family! How in the world, did we get to the point where we were closer to only two of us, than closer to more at home!??
I cry and my heart breaks! I cry and my heart totally leaps with joy! My children, honestly have so much in front of them, so muuuuuuuuuuuuucchh opportunity and I can honestly see them grabbing it! My husband and I have so much in front of us and so much opportunity, together being in love and celebrating our life together and than to boot, in our careers! We have so many celebrations with our children in front of us, and we have celebrations with our childrens family in front of us! Quite honestly, we are going to be partying alot with our children and their lives and their choices and their friends and their families! I am overwhelmed and unbelievably blessed, by the amount of celebrating life that is in front of Larry and I!
As a person, who plans for everything! honestly everything!
I have never planned for the day, where I realized, I was closer to
children out of the home, than I am to keeping my kiddos in the home!
No one and no prayer could've prepared my heart for this reality!
Yep, I cry, I weep! I pray, I imagine! I love, I enjoy! The future is beautiful, but I never planned for the day when the future would hurt and be joyful at the same time!

Clarification, I Hope

After I posted the last post, Makin' Me Laugh, and receiving a few comments and after rereading it, I realized, it honestly didn't all come out how I wanted it too!
A lil explanation here, maybe it will clarify it for me!
There are two different stories in side that post!
The first was how such a small little gesture of such a small boy, Mitchy, cracked me up and created a good memory, in the midst of what I thought (at the time) was heart-wrenching!
The second part, which I really didn't get out at all, was that it was a beginning to a new beginning! A new outlook! A fresh approach! I was ready for it, I just didn't realize it at the moment! I let my "hurt feelings" get in the way of what was honestly beginning!
At that time in my life, I was soooo busy "creating the picture" that I forgot to really live! Honestly, live! I used to try to keep up with, what I thought, I was supposed to do and missed out on what I needed to do! I used to allow the "perfect picture" drive me! Oh and it drove me, quite insane at times! My family, was picture perfect! (ugh, gag me)!! Seriously, I thought I had it all together and could do it all, alone or with a partner, it didn't matter! I had a picture of strength I needed to keep up! See that whole "creating a picture" thing! At the time, when these incidents were going on, I was seeing myself as fragile! I really didn't like what I saw, but it was real! The beginning of a new beginning for me! I went home and started, very honestly, putting my family first! Even if that meant skipping church! Don't get me wrong skipping church service has absolutely nothing to do with praying, reading and hearing from God! I continued at church, when we could go and it didn't hurt anyone to go! We even began to enjoy this thing they call "sleeping in"! It was beautiful and we have grown closer as a family because of it! The "picture" is not as much of a drive for me anymore, living life is a DRIVE, a real drive! I enjoy hearing what's really going on, not only in my life, but in my children's lives and in my husband's life! I slowed down and started living! I put the Polaroid away and began painting my own picture of life! My prayer is that my children continue to "paint" their own picture in life and not try to live up to someone Else's thoughts and ideas for life and that they don't get caught up in the "perfect picture" problem!
On a side note: This is for me too! So many times, when my children were small, I took them tons of places by myself! Many times struggling to keep them altogether or having two of them, even all three at times, fall asleep! One mom carrying two/three children, is not really something that can happen! It's OK to ask a parent if they want help with their children! It's really OK, to help a Mom or a Dad to their car with their children! It's OK at the grocery store parking lot, to stop someone else's child from running in front of a car! It's ok! If they don't want your help, they will tell you!

Makin' Me Laugh

I was listening to my XM Radio at work just the other night! Yes, instead of the "jam box", I bring my own radio and hook it up to the puter and it helps me to relax! I mostly listen to comedy, but I love to "bounce" around!
Back to the "real" post! This lil' John Pinette bit came on while I was working! I had to stop and just listen!





before I knew it, I was no longer listening and laughing at John Pinette, but I could hear Mitchy at about the age of 2 saying "get outta the line"!! Oh ya, just like the video here! I remember it clearly!
It was a Thursday night and we heard it on the way home from church! I had been having a rough time at church at this time! See I am very close to my kids and if I am around, I AM available, TOTALLY and I don't make apologies for it!!! My kids were never "forced" into the nursery at church! Unfortunately, not everyone agrees with this practice, but I do and always have and always will! None of my kids cared to go to the nursery when they were young and that was never a problem for ME!! Or my husband, when he would go with me to church! It was a problem for others, oh ya, this is where it starts to suck!!
Anyway, that night had been, yet another night of my "why did I even bother"! And someone came to ask me to leave the sanctuary!! Asking a mom who takes her small children, by herself, to church, to leave the sanctuary, because he may have made a noise, is the worse thing you can do to a mom who is really trying to keep up with the "picture"! I was sitting in the back and he wasn't crying!!!! He was restless, not making noise but moving around! Yet again, I was asked to leave the sanctuary! There was no "cry room" with a monitor to see what was going on in the sanctuary and quite honestly no where to go, but to walk the halls and wait for my other two children, who were just tooooo doggone tired to be there, to get out of there classes! This is the night I realized, it just was too much and those I thought "heard my heart" were not the ones at my home crying with me as my heart ached! My husband and my children were the ones listening to my reality!! My friend, that didn't go to church with me, totally held me up while I cried and hurt desperately!!
BITTER SWEET!! YEP! Absolutely, that's what this memory is!
But the good part of this memory!! Really there is a good part!!
I took the older two children out of class early, for our last mid-week service!! Not planned, but sooooo right on! We got in the car and I turned on the XM and all of us laughed out loud at this lil' bit! It was crazy funny that night and the kids enjoyed it right along with me! A beautiful memory, right in the midst of my turmoil! (you ever had one of those crying heartbreaking moments where you honestly laughed? that was this moment)! I felt I had lost it, in a good way!
Of course, as I laid in my bed and held my Mitchy close and listened to him say "get outta the line" just like John Pinette! This lil' guy, only 2, had no idea how much healing was going on in my heart as we enjoyed that laugh together! He kept saying it over and over and I just laughed and laughed with him, such a big belly laugh and he giggled and laughed that innocent 2 year old giggle laugh! The beauty of that moment will never get away from my heart!
On a cute note: Mitchy heard me download this video and brought me his DSI with a SC card, "mom can you download that on here for me"!! That's just another one of our beautiful moments shared in laughter!
Yet another lesson learned, through my family, the HARD way! I love them and I want to teach them, but somehow they keep teaching me!

What a Difference a day makes!!

So amazing! The day after my little rant on here, everything changed, INCLUDING but not limited too, my attitude! Probably the largest change, looking back (honestly, looking back) was my attitude! How I addressed the problems ahead of me! Saying Thank you doesn't hurt and really means alot, not only to the ones I'm saying it to, but also to me! Yep, I said it! Saying Thank you makes me feel good! It makes me feel like I am doing right and that I recognize my blessings! The most amazing thing was two texts I received the next day:
One was an ongoing texting "thing" back and forth, back and forth, between myself and another person I work with! The most amazing thing he told me "your not a push-over and your not being taken advantage of!"
TEARS! Yep tears here, validation, loyalty and understanding from someone I work with and consider a friend! It's amazing how far that can go!
I responded: "are you reading my mind or my blog?"
He responded: "I just know where your at!"
I get this I totally get this and it validate my feelings of anger and thankfulness!
But the second text, was invoked by me, all alone!
I text: "thank you for making that last move tonite, I really appreciate it"
Not thinking this would ever go anywhere, I just wanted this person to know, I knew he was upset!
He texted back: "your welcome! Sometimes it's just hard not being appreciated and always going the extra step to change things, knowing that I am going to walk into the same thing the next day!"
TEARS!! Yep, I cry! Imagine that! More crying on the RR!! Ha!
I know I am trying to change years and years of the ongoing "this is the way we have done it and they way it was done before, so this is the way we will do it" attitude!
Just because this is the way you have always done it and the way those before you have always done it, doesn't mean it's right!!
Honestly, I see that I am trying to change the mentality over generations and now I have discovered, that changing things means, that people "in the process" get hurt! So another part of making changes is making sure that those who suffer feel validated and thanked for their efforts!
Gosh Chrissy! Stop forgetting those words of "Thank YOU!!" It really does go a long long way, if there is a real HEART behind it!
Remembering the words "thank you" sounds easy! But remembering the words "Thank You" takes effort and heart! Lots and lots of heart!!

Rambling!

I am going to ramble! There is so much on my mind I need to get out and so I'm going to! Don't worry if it doesn't make sense to you, because not all of it makes sense to me!

Two working parents suck!!!!!! It really sucks, yes there are good sides of it and yes, I could go into the whole positive thing right now, but I just don't want to! (picture me yelling and stomping my feet here!)

The employees that work with me(ahem, for me), probably work less than 3 hours a shift, I PROMISE, and they still like to complain about work. Oh yea and they also complain about the "safety stuff" that makes sure each and everyone of them and I get home each day!!!!!!! OH MY! C'mon! Can anyone else see a problem with maybe taking care of a train that mmmmaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayy go out very soon??? I mean if your only working less than 3 out of 8 hours, you think maybe you would make sure that the next consist going out, even if not on your shift, was ready? Just askin, I know I would!

Checked Adam's grades today, may I remind you we are in the 2nd week of the 3rd grading period. Oh ya, he is grounded until further notice! Oh that stinks for me too!

My husband is back at work and grabbing on to all the overtime he can! I hope he slows down soon! Oh ya, his boss is not at all nice and understanding like me! Ugh! I am so thankful he is back at work, but I kinda miss him (shhhhh please don't tell him)!!

I found the most fresh, yummy grocery store sushi today! It was so good, I stopped on my way home to buy more. On my way home, from purchasing the sushi, it dawned on me, that because of some certain family member, who shall remain nameless (our kids are such close friends and Baby girl is an absolute doll) I may have to share, said sushi, with Mitchy! Why didn't I buy a big pack?

Why is a good cucumber dill dip so yummy and so expensive?

Adam decided he needs two towels to take a shower!!!!!!!! We just don't have the time and energy for that!

Windy's science project is growing daily! At least we can grow green beans! What question was she trying to answer? What was her hypothesis? Oh wow!

Zumba the day after Pilates is not a good idea! For some reason I do it every week! Maybe if I didn't engage my core? Oh forget it, that's not even an option! Gotta engage the core otherwise my back would holler at me!

I think that tomorrow, after I help Adam clean out his locker (oh that sucks), I will come home and rest and maybe let my core go for a minute!

I have found my plateau in weight and need to find my way out of it, so I can lose another 7lbs. so I can have that massage I promised myself! OH mY!!

I woke my hubby up, who is working all the overtime he can get, to hear me rant and cuss about my employees for a minute! He woke up and listened and validated my feelings! But then he said it's about time, they have been taking advantage of you! Oh my, he's right! They are taking advantage! I have had a kind heart to a fault!

I know a kind heart is good! A kind heart to a fault is NOT good!
What a ramble! I feel better! Thanks for listening!

Dear Me,

You know, I see you think you have it all figured out! Sorry to tell you, you just don't!
Your ideas are pretty good, but your ways need work!
You do have some pretty good kids, but they are easily to go astray! I saw you holding and cuddling Mitchell today and praying over him and leaving everything else aside, because he needed you! What about your other two kiddos?? Where have you been? You do know, they need to be cuddled, hugged and kissed too, right? You didn't forget about them, did you?
However, I also saw, your mind reeling at all the "stuff" that needed to be done!
I was watching you closely and I felt your heart jump every time Mitchy asked you to hold him!
I saw you wake up at 4:00am to kiss your husband goodbye and I felt your pain as you said goodbye, knowing all along that he wouldn't be home until late and on your day off! I heard in your heart how, it would be about what you could do to get it done and not how you could make your family feel special and desired!
I felt the pain in your heart when you said "have a good day at work" all along knowing, that the conversation between the two of you, last night, wasn't finished! I know that that is faaaar different than anything you have been accustomed to, during the time of your marriage! I have watched, many times, as the two of you have had conversations or disagreements and not ending them without being completed. I know this is a different point in your life! I want you to embrace it, take the continuing of a "conversation" or a "disagreement" as time to pray, think and ponder where it is you want to go with the conversation! Is it something that needs to be resolved? Is it something that honestly needs to be discussed? Is it something that is hurting the two of you or only one of you? Is it something that you shouldn't let go or is it something that needs to be let go?
I have been watching you and you get stressed out over the lil' stuff! I have watched as you have loved out loud and lately, I have watched as you have "held back" your love and compassion, on account of stess and anger!
I know this isn't you, I know you are learning a new routine and somewhat of a new life! Give yourself a break!
Give your family a break!
Finish the discussions that need to be finished and let those that, don't need to be completed go!
Do NOT withhold the love and compassion, you used to give so freely! That was, quite honestly, the way to be with your husband and children. Please know, that as much as you "feel" you are going through, so are they and none of them, as well as you, know how to deal with everything properly!
Chrissy, let some of the "stuff" go and hold on to the love and compassion! My goodness, don't forget to pray constantly!

His Word says, he will never leave you or forsake you, so continue to trust HIM for that!

Hey girl take it easy and give some wiggle room, for just awhile, until you and your family get used to this new "stage" in your life! Please, Please, PLEASE don't forget to enjoy it!

Let go of the details of the processes and policies for a moment, yep, I saw that today too!
I love you, I really do, I just don't like who you are right now!