Got to spend the weekend with my cousin Shane and her family! It was a fantastic time. As our children get older they are more able to solve their own issues and rely on us parents less and less, it makes it so we can visit with one another and not "referee" so much! Not that they were ever bad kids or constantly fighting, but they were and are typical children growing up and learning their way!
It was a neat time, watching Kylie, freshman and Adam, 8th grade, show their maturity and their ability to solve problems and also to watch them just play! They played outside alot this weekend! Windy and Nathan are also growing up, but these two have such a different personality than the "first borns"! Windy and Nathan seem to be very laid back in their approach of spending time together! The four of them played alot of football outside and Mitch joined them from time to time, but he isn't quite ready for the preteen and teenagers yet! Mitch was just fine with finding the computer completely available for him and Ava did alot of entertaining the adults and she is very good at it! Ava is a doll an absolute doll!
We were able to go watch Leo play soccer and apparently it was the game he, finally, got into soccer! He looked like a wild-man out there playing soccer! Trying to get his lil foot on the ball and running and running, it was so neat to watch!
Jordan is our 17 year old, getting ready to graduate! She is a woman, it is hard for me to see that, when I look at her I still see Baby J!
This weekend left me in amazement of these children we have raised! Right now, I say "wow, we didn't do too bad"! Ask me next week or even tomorrow and I may say something completely different! So neat to have seen them go from babies to almost grown! We still have a long way to go with all of them!
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Frustration
I listened, at the gym today and last week, as two completely different women talked other women out of taking a class!
Oh my frustration!
The new women ask "so how and what is this class?"
The women who have been taking this class always answer "hard it's hard"
My frustration level boils.
I enjoy exercise in any way! I love group fitness for its social aspect and I love single fitness for the alone time I get with me! I learned this way back when there was the 20 minute workout on TV at 5am! I used to get up and do it and there were even times when it came on in the afternoon that I would do it at my dad's shop and he would join me! Yes at my chubbiest, right now, I enjoy exercise! I enjoy exercise at the time I am doing it and the after affects! I love the sweat and the "pushing" myself! The challenge and the endorphins and the energy and the mood it brings for me! Yes, I do! Enjoying exercise has always made it difficult for me to understand how come people don't enjoy exercise! It really doesn't click with me!
Lately, I have had the chance to workout with my cousin, who does not-so-much enjoy exercise! Understanding her and her unjoy for exercise has taught me alot!
So my frustration builds!
Last week I let it go and moved and turned the other way!
This week, I paused waited for the "member of the class" to FINALLY walk away and SHUT UP! I walked over to the newer woman (I have only taken this class for these two weeks) and asked her to please stay for the class and please just work at her own pace! I politely asked this woman if she enjoyed dancing. Her reply, excitedly "yes"!
I reply than just please stay and just keep moving!
I just don't understand where the competition in group fitness came from! Where in the world is the joy in chasing someone out of a class! What is wrong with us!? What kind of encouragement is that?
I just don't get it, I am so frustrated!
Honestly, is there some kind of joy in making someone believe that fitness or exercise isn't for them? Is there some kind of competition where, someone can bounce and hop and I can only tap side to side, that the bounce and hop person gets a medal or a trophy at the end our time on earth?
The decision, for some, to step into the world of fitness is so tough and then to take a class is literally a leap of faith and then to have someone talk them out of, WOW! Crazy!
Really, honestly, what joy is there in talking someone out of taking a fitness class or exercising? What kind of change does that honestly bring for your life, what kind of joy can you find in that?
Oh my frustration!
The new women ask "so how and what is this class?"
The women who have been taking this class always answer "hard it's hard"
My frustration level boils.
I enjoy exercise in any way! I love group fitness for its social aspect and I love single fitness for the alone time I get with me! I learned this way back when there was the 20 minute workout on TV at 5am! I used to get up and do it and there were even times when it came on in the afternoon that I would do it at my dad's shop and he would join me! Yes at my chubbiest, right now, I enjoy exercise! I enjoy exercise at the time I am doing it and the after affects! I love the sweat and the "pushing" myself! The challenge and the endorphins and the energy and the mood it brings for me! Yes, I do! Enjoying exercise has always made it difficult for me to understand how come people don't enjoy exercise! It really doesn't click with me!
Lately, I have had the chance to workout with my cousin, who does not-so-much enjoy exercise! Understanding her and her unjoy for exercise has taught me alot!
So my frustration builds!
Last week I let it go and moved and turned the other way!
This week, I paused waited for the "member of the class" to FINALLY walk away and SHUT UP! I walked over to the newer woman (I have only taken this class for these two weeks) and asked her to please stay for the class and please just work at her own pace! I politely asked this woman if she enjoyed dancing. Her reply, excitedly "yes"!
I reply than just please stay and just keep moving!
I just don't understand where the competition in group fitness came from! Where in the world is the joy in chasing someone out of a class! What is wrong with us!? What kind of encouragement is that?
I just don't get it, I am so frustrated!
Honestly, is there some kind of joy in making someone believe that fitness or exercise isn't for them? Is there some kind of competition where, someone can bounce and hop and I can only tap side to side, that the bounce and hop person gets a medal or a trophy at the end our time on earth?
The decision, for some, to step into the world of fitness is so tough and then to take a class is literally a leap of faith and then to have someone talk them out of, WOW! Crazy!
Really, honestly, what joy is there in talking someone out of taking a fitness class or exercising? What kind of change does that honestly bring for your life, what kind of joy can you find in that?
Monday, September 21, 2009
Music
I never really realized how much music helps in everyday life and how much it reminds me of my past! I don't "do" concerts, I don't buy music, I don't know artists! I'm just not really good at this stuff, I never realized how much it does interest me!
This past week, I have been listening to a radio station (because I am waiting for my XM radio antenna) that plays almost all 80's music! I have been enjoying it, enjoying every moment! I have an 1 1/2 ride to work everyday and an hour ride home, so my radio is important to me! I catch up on news and whatever else hits me on the way!
Neat thing, my kids love 80's music! So cool! They hear a song and say mom "turn it up" and to their surprise, I DO!!
What I have discovered:
I don't like Duran Duran, but I like the journey it takes me on
I really enjoy hearing Bruce Springsteen
Music really does play apart in my life. It was so neat to listen to this music and have it take me back or bring me into the moment!
On Saturday, I was taking Windy to her friends to spend the night and then I was off to work. In our short drive we had a decent discussion and then Taylor Swift came on the radio and we turned up the radio and sang LOUDLY together! I'll always remember that moment, it was beautiful and breath taking (not my singing, just the moment we shared)!
As life gets faster and faster for my children I tend to pull on the coat tails and try to slow them down, this is a moment where I won!
I slowed Windy down for a second and we enjoyed our moment together!
Friday, September 18, 2009
They're Baaaack.............part 2
Getting married and sleeping next to the one I love every night, I thought would fix everything and make me feel more secure. It did in a sense and then it also produced guilt, which made things even worse. Sometimes my mind works overtime! Now, I felt guilty that not only was I not sleeping well but my husband wasn't either! Wow, talk about compounding a problem.
The nights of waking up were even worse, but the actual damaging to my body had stopped.
Eventually, I sought out help.
Once again, seeking the help of a professional seemed to be the only way.
Then I started picking up books and reading and praying and trying to fix myself, only to find that there was deep-seeded guilt.
The guilt of all the stuff that happened and the blaming of myself! I didn't know I blamed myself so much. Of course, I went through all that "could've, would've, should've" stuff that you go through whenever things don't turn out like we planned.
Turns out that 've stuff was pretty deep and very difficult.
I snuggled in closer and closer to my Larbo every night and he obliged, of course back then with a full size bed it was much easier!
As the days and years went on, I began to heal and it was a slow process of growth. It was difficult!
Together, Larbo and I made it! We made it through the night terrors, through the junk I never knew was clouding my mind and my heart!
We never would have made it to this point without the love of God, first and foremost and then the loads of great family and friends, God has given us then add the tons and tons of understanding from others and each other!
It hasn't been an easy road and I thought we were through this "silly" part of my life!
I do not like to dream, good or bad, I can't stand it! Or the remembering of my dreams, however you want to word it! I can't stand waking up and not feeling rested and the concern that consumes me when I sleep and then goes into my day!
I pray this dreaming stuff goes away again! I pray that God continues to work in me and makes my sleep what He meant it to be! For now, I wait patiently, snuggle back into my Larbo's arm and unfortunately mess with his good sleep (there's that guilt thing again) and pray pray and pray some more! Try to figure out where this is stemming from and find my way to better sleep once again!
The nights of waking up were even worse, but the actual damaging to my body had stopped.
Eventually, I sought out help.
Once again, seeking the help of a professional seemed to be the only way.
Then I started picking up books and reading and praying and trying to fix myself, only to find that there was deep-seeded guilt.
The guilt of all the stuff that happened and the blaming of myself! I didn't know I blamed myself so much. Of course, I went through all that "could've, would've, should've" stuff that you go through whenever things don't turn out like we planned.
Turns out that 've stuff was pretty deep and very difficult.
I snuggled in closer and closer to my Larbo every night and he obliged, of course back then with a full size bed it was much easier!
As the days and years went on, I began to heal and it was a slow process of growth. It was difficult!
Together, Larbo and I made it! We made it through the night terrors, through the junk I never knew was clouding my mind and my heart!
We never would have made it to this point without the love of God, first and foremost and then the loads of great family and friends, God has given us then add the tons and tons of understanding from others and each other!
It hasn't been an easy road and I thought we were through this "silly" part of my life!
I do not like to dream, good or bad, I can't stand it! Or the remembering of my dreams, however you want to word it! I can't stand waking up and not feeling rested and the concern that consumes me when I sleep and then goes into my day!
I pray this dreaming stuff goes away again! I pray that God continues to work in me and makes my sleep what He meant it to be! For now, I wait patiently, snuggle back into my Larbo's arm and unfortunately mess with his good sleep (there's that guilt thing again) and pray pray and pray some more! Try to figure out where this is stemming from and find my way to better sleep once again!
They're Baaaack.............part 1
Remember Poltergeist? Probably the only scary movie I ever watched, to most people it isn't that scary, but to me it was more than enough! I don't do scary movies and I don't do scary games! To me, life is scary enough without adding to it!
ANYWAY......
Having a schedule, has brought something back to my sleep, and it's not good!
For years, I battled these things! They were never just dreaming, what made them worse was the damage I would cause to myself in my sleep.
When I would finally wake up from these things, there would be bruising on my body and face and clumps of hair missing from my scalp, lots of talking/screaming and the sweating and the terror that came when I woke up was unbearable. Many of nights, I found myself just afraid to sleep and it had nothing to do with the damage I was doing to myself, it was the terror that awaited me in my dreams! I was in high school when these started and I know why they were there and I always knew, but unless absolutely necessary I didn't tell anyone! I was embarrassed that I could cause myself such damage and not have a real explanation for it. Thankfully, at the time none of my friends asked about the bruising or the other stuff and I didn't spend the night very many places back then, I always had to get home to be with mom! My poor mom, would be woken up by screams or yelling and wake me up! This totally sucked! The moms of my friends didn't let me just skate by without answering questions and most of the time it was just a quick question from them and a one word answer from me "nightmares"! Enough said!
The really embarrassing moments came when I had boyfriends, that included my husband. We would be around their families and they would notice bruising! These poor families, the parents would think the worst of their sons and then pull me aside and ask "what happened?" To which, I would explain the problem. The relief I could see in their face immediately and almost simultaneously the concern for me! I didn't know how to stop it, I didn't know how to hide it and I didn't know how to stay awake all the time, although I did spend alot of time awake during these years! Given the chance to fall asleep next to someone holding me, whether at night or in the middle of the day, I'd always take it! Someone would be there to wake me as soon as the movement started or the talking began. Many times I would get a good hour of sleep in and ohhhh the difference it made! Then to be able to sleep next to someone night after night and be held was a "God-Sent"!
I fought night terrors for more then 10 years and one day, "poof" my dreams were gone! No more dreaming, not even good ones and to me that was an answer to much much prayer!
The night terrors aren't back, I pray to God they never come back! The bad dreams/nightmares are back! I wake up concerned and frustrated, a bit rested, but not as much as I should be after 7 hours sleep!
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
10
bye to the 10lbs I have lost since the beginning of August!
I am thrilled, I can't see it, I can't see it in my clothes yet (ok, maybe a little), but I totally see it in the numbers on the scale!I know I am supposed to go by the way the my clothes fit, but I have done that before, even dropped 20 lbs and got frustrated because I didn't "see it" and I didn't feel it either. So this time, by the scale!
The scale has nice things to say lately and I am loving it!
Larry says he can see it, I really can't! As long as Larry is nice about the weight-loss and the noticing, I'll take his word for it!
No pics to post today, cause like I said I don't see it!
So far, changes I have made is not eating at night, whew big one!!! Being on a regular schedule at work is not only good for my sleep but good for my eating!
I have made more stops at farm stands for fresh produce instead of stops at drive-thrus! Another big one. The farm stands have better choices and two bonuses, they are easier on my wallet and quicker! I am sure gonna miss them when they are gone. Exercising hasn't changed for me, I love to exercise and the burst of energy I get from it, I love the challenge, so exercise was never a problem for me!
10 more lbs. and I get a full body massage!
I can't wait!
Bye-bye 10lbs. See ya, never come back!!
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