My head is going to explode!

Here it is as of today:

I work alllllll of the upcoming holidays! Not til afternoons, but that leaves little time for celebration, like I enjoy with my family. This is what I get for trying to go beyond!

I was and am sooo oooo ooo thankful that I made it home last night, safe and sound. Hindsight says I really should have gotten a hotel room. 2 1/2 hours later after leaving work says I was sooo happy to be home in one piece! I haven't ever prayed with so much intensity while driving! God is GOOD!

It is winter in NW Indiana!

Why did we get rid of the snowplow on the truck? (something about plowing being hard on the truck and damaging it, whatever)

Shoveling is not so much fun, or as my Hubby would say, Not-so-much-so-good!!

I read the sweetest email tonight, it actually made me cry! It was one of those that everyone passes around! I really don't like crying at those!

That reminds me I need to order more meds! I take daily scripts to fight depression and anxiety, I know alot of us are on them and find it to be a good thing. It did take me a long time to admit it is a script I need and that it helps me just to be me. Much of the need is associated with post-traumatic-stress-disorder (everyone can relate). Because I can never know when it is going to hit hard, I am on a strict script for probably the rest of my life. Not something that has been easy to admit. One woman explained it to me as though it were a script for glasses or diabetes meds, and you know she was right, I do need these and I am now ok with saying that!

I have toooooooootally fell off the diet wagon! Exercising is great, but when I am not eating right it sure does take a toll! (The cruise added 3 pounds also).

I am not sure about work, I know I can do it, but I don't know if I will help the employees any better than the supervisor they have! I really believe they have been beat up on for a long time and hope to help rebuild morale, but I am worried that things won't go the way I want!

I sure do love waking up with my children in the morning and helping them to get the right start to their day. This is something I truly miss!

I can always here these words coming out of my mouth: I was a stay-at-home mom for 12 years!!! This is one thing I am sooooooooo proud of.

I just wish I could make my children tell me what is going on all the time! They came home with not so great progress reports and I couldn't help but ask myself: How am I failing them to make them fail? and discovered that they just needed even more strict boundaries, it is not only the parents but also the kids!

Too much rambling sorry! I do have a heavy mind and a very heavy heart! I think we all ask ourselves constantly, "am I doing the right thing?" either for myself, my marriage, my family, my friends, my life!

Gosh, am I the only one who goes through this stupid stuff!?

Reality Hits!

Wow! Reality has hit hard!

Back to everything and add in the Holiday Season, this is crazy!

They have changed my schedule at work, it is supposed to be a better opportunity toward the direction I am heading (dare I say, More TRAINING). My schedule is probably the worst schedule you can ask for! Days off are during the week and I work afternoons, YUK! I will make it through it though. One good thing, I can see my kids get on the bus and the stores aren't as busy during the weekdays and I can also help get the kids to appointments on my days off. I guess you can say it isn't all bad, just weird!

I have met a whole new group of people and am learning to work with them! I hope I get to know them quickly it makes it so much easier when you know people! I have learned that the afternoon shift is very special, they actually share a meal together. What I mean is that instead of spreading out they gather in one area and enjoy dinner together, kind of like a family! One gentleman said to me (a good way of explaining it) it is either enjoy here together or when we get home we eat alone, which one would you prefer!? I thought this was neat. They make the shift work for them, and make the best of a not-so-good shift! I think something like this creates more of a bond or a team atmosphere! I'm sure I will be filling you in as I go!

Oh and by the way, it was like 85 degrees in Mexico, this cold weather is so cooooold it is hard to get used to again! I was only gone 1 week!

I told you I had an opinion....

As I said in my previous post, trick or treating and Halloween was fun, a true success!

One thing that came to my mind and truly touched my heart while walking with the kids was the "sense of community" that was displayed and has been displayed each year, I can remember it from my childhood. It is the only time of the year when all the kids or most of the kids and their families come out of their houses at the same time for a short period. As you walk along the streets or hand out candy to all the trick-or-treaters it is a time to catch up with other families, a quick hello or a smile and a nod and what about meeting the new neighbors! This is the only time of year something like this takes place!

It is funny that this year I walked and most years I hand out candy so I saw the other side of it this year. I was amazed and truly blessed by the time spent with my community! The time when I would walk with someone for a while and chat and watch the kids and compliment on their costumes or try to figure out who it was or say hello to the one handing out candy and then move on to the next group and walk with them for a minute and catch up or when I met the new neighbor that I didn't even know moved in or the Grandmas and Grandpas that live in the neighborhood who just wanted to hear a child laugh and run and enjoy them even for a split second! It was a moment of belonging to my neighborhood or part of a community and celebrating community with them! I am one those who will not trick-or-treat in other neighborhoods, we go in our own or to Grandma and Papaw's (where my husband grew up) because it is a time to celebrate life and children with my own community!

Now, I have always allowed my children to trick-or-treat, I have never stopped them and they always enjoy it! There have been years where I have been "beat-up" for allowing my family to join in this thing! I never felt Halloween or trick-or-treating was wrong, I loved it when I was a kid and still love it now! Most years I even dress up. There have been a couple years where I actually missed trick-or-treat in my neighborhood, because of other commitments, but my children never have! I am not sure what all the "hoopla" is over why or why not let kids trick-or-treat. You know, I don't really even enjoy the scary part of Halloween or the blood and guts of it, but some do and for them it is ok, I am not going to tell them how wrong they are for doing it because I don't like it or don't understand why they like it!! This Halloween thing is very normal for me and when I was ridiculed for allowing my family to "celebrate" (GASP) it really didn't make sense, all it did do, was hurt my feelings, because to others that don't like it, I was hurting my children. I remember my son actually said to me (5 yrs ago) "I heard Halloween was the devil's Birthday". I had to back him up and explain to him how it wasn't and we were not "bad people" because we enjoy this! Talk about hurt, as a mom, when my child is hurt, I hurt more!

That all being said, there is definitely a time and a place for everything, I would have never stood up in the middle of a church that preaches against Halloween and say forget family fun night let's go trick or treating, or I am not going to help with that on Halloween, and I wouldn't put it in front of one of my friends who really doesn't like it, I really just wouldn't talk about it, it isn't nice!

If this post did hurt your feelings, that isn't what it was meant for, it was to enlighten on my type of thinking and I don't believe it is right for all!! If it changed the way you think of me, "GET OVER IT" I am still the same person I have been!!

To sum it up, what is right for me may not be right for you or vise versa, but don't beat up on me because I make a different choice!