I think it is Cool....

I think it is so cool that this blogging thing has been such a good outlet for me. It has created a way to communicate with friends and family I wish I had time to communicate with, and also a way to speak even more freely about how I feel. I think it is neat that I can say, you have a choice to read this so if it is something you don't want to read or comment on don't!!

I think it is so cool that this has created dialogue between people that and things Myself or others would not have talked about before!

I think it is so cool that I have met or at least commented between so many new and amazing people.

I think it is so cool that others seem to speak or write freely about what is going on in their own lives. That others also use it as a venting tool.

I think it is cool that there is USUALLY NOT a mean word in the bunch. The comments are usually encouraging and if someone doesn't agree they try to word it politely and if we don't want to comment, no big whoop!!! (Try having a conversation with nothing to add)!!

I do also think it is so cool that it has opened conversations between myself and others to a new level! Stuff I probably wouldn't have ever spoken out loud (for fear of hurting others) I have and it has created an entirely new level of relationship.

I think it is so cool that I can be sad and weepy one day and post all about it and be happy happy joy joy the next and post on it and most everyone can go with it!!

I think it is cool to be able to journal and find out that others feel the same or not so the same!

I think it is amazing to see so many different people feel the same or different and be honest!!

I think this blogging/new sort of friendship thing is SOOOOOOOOOO COOOOOOL!!!

Thank you everyone for this blogging thing!!

I cannot believe it has been 20 years.....

So it is October 13, 2007.

20 years ago I lost my sister because someone made the choice to take her life!
Yes, it still hurts, and yes I still miss her! Yes, I think about her daily. We were 13 months apart and even closer as friends and as sisters! I think we shared an awesome relationship. I am thankful for the 15 years I had with her and for her 16 years on the earth!

No, I don't think God did this to me. Yes, I think God worked things for GOOD!!!

So today I kept my family close. Took them shopping and out for lunch for Pizza!! No, the kids didn't know why they weren't allowed to go on with their friends, all they knew was mama wanted them close. My husband knew and my mom who was with us needed this closeness also! I talked with my dad today, he just kept busy, very busy! I know it hurts him and I wanted him with us today, but God had other plans for him and as long as God is keeping him close and Dad is keeping Him (God) close, my dad will be fine!!

We shopped, they bowled, we took pictures, we ate and they acted silly and even got a little serious once!! The dog even got in on it!!
I am still a mom, I am still a wife I am still a child of God I am still a sister to Windy and still a daughter to my mom and dad. I still have so much to be thankful for and so much to look forward to. Life is awesome and can be sad, one thing for sure, God's love is forever and always His love is through it all!!!!!!!

One song kept popping in my head today: Don't Blink There is another one I think of often, it was the song Windy was named after by the Association (an oldy) and always brings tears of joy to my eyes!

I know life would not have ended up the same but I wish she was here to enjoy it with me. I wish I had a sister to share with I wish so many things.... I do not have to wish for the closeness of family and family and friends I think of like sisters and enjoying watching my children call people aunt and know that I absolutely feel they are my sisters and they are their aunts! God can redeem all for good.

I remember my sister's First Communion that meant so much to her, I remember watching her make her Confirmation and her friend Kelly standing in with her, the way she answered the Bishop's questions with confidence! I remember the first time, the only time, she told me she was in love!! I remember my mom teaching her how to drive and laying down in the backseat because it was a little unnerving!!

2o years and not one person can take away memories, I have them and love my memories!! Thank God for Grace and Mercy and Love!!!

Thank you to friends and family who have and continue to pray. Please pray for my mom and dad I want them to make it through the next 10 years with Grace, Mercy and Love only God can Grant!!

I am getting ready to sit and chill with hubby!!!

Just wanted you to try this contest:
Think first
Jenny from Chicago is giving away a $100 gift certificate to TARGET for T-shirt ideas!! I think you should go there and try to win it!!!!!

Pondering

I find myself pondering on the "what could have been" these days. October 13th will be the 20 year anniversary of losing my sister. So many times it doesn't phase me and so many times it does. I'll continue to explain in my next postings, since this seems to be on my mind lately.

Would I be married to Larry?

Would I have the same children?

If yes to these, would they have cousins from their Aunt Windy?

Where would she live, and would she be married?

Would she have really gone to college for Photography and where?

How many things worked to the better or worse because of this?

Many more questions I have, but most days I don't even ask, because this is what it is and it is!!

Let me explain a little more:

The day we had Windy's funeral, I can remember collapsing in my chair at the cemetery. I instantly, the day she was murdered, stopped believing there could be a God. Because I stopped believing in God or any faith the day we buried her body, I had to believe that that was the end. That was very hard to swallow, I had made my choice though (at that time)and there was nooooo Happily ever after, it was done and over. I was 15 and my sister was 16.

Since then and through plenty of prayer, mine and others (the others don't even know how much their prayer worked), I see the Happily ever after. That there are choices and that we suffer the consequences for choices our choices and other peoples choices.

I guess what I am trying to say is that God, The Holy Spirit, Jesus, The Father, The Son, are all gentlemen and they don't force faith on us. They gently guide us, if we are willing. They wait for the call of help by us and the willingness to accept the help. I honestly believe that people suffer because of the choices other people make for themselves. I also believe that God can make all things good, that every good and perfect gift comes from Him, and it is not always something good to something good, it can be that what one meant to Hurt God can turn to good. Yes, yes, yes the pain in my heart is real but I know that Windy knows how much I love her and how things would not have turned out the same, life would be different, better or worse, I don't know, just different!!

TIME OUT!! Tales from the Scales!!

This month seems to be a little difficult for me!
We are used to celebrating anniversaries
and they are not always good!!!

TIME OUT!!!

The Tale from my Scale said:

I lost 1lb. this week!!

Still not ready to show pictures,
but if you really want to see,
go to Crooked Eyebrow or
I should be folding Laundry
and see a few pictures and what a
good "bloggy meet-up" we had!!!

Tales from the Scales Tuesday!!

Alrighty, so it has been a good week, I have chosen to eat a couple of things "not on the menu", but I was able to eat them in controlled amounts!! I refuse to give in. The scale numbers are still going down, even though I do not see a physical difference, yet!! So the weigh in you ask..............................................................................................................

2 Pounds!!!!!

That is a total of 10 pounds!!!!!!!!!

I really do not see a physical difference. I knew this would happen, the last time I supposedly lost weight, everyone else noticed except me!! I just don't see a change in the mirror right away or I have to good of a body image that I do not see the truth. I can see the weight on me when I look at pictures, but I am not ready to post weight loss pictures just yet, give me some time!!

I did not make it to the gym this week, not very like me. I really, really enjoy going to the gym and have always used the gym for more of a therapy. I use it to fight depression and clear my head, you know, get my thoughts in order. It helps me to sleep well at night and awake rested, OK I could go on and on! So to get to the point I will be making more than zero trips to the gym this week and if I can't go I will walk with the dog and kids like I did yesterday!!

I am still committed and staying away from the fast food!!!!!!

ON THE LIGHTER SIDE!!

Thanks so much to everyone for their wonderful thoughts (posts) and prayers. I know this is why I was able to pull myself up and keep going. I didn't mean to get so heavy or down, it just sort of happened! God is the source of my strength and I am thankful for family, friends and b

I was recently asked, by my husband, why I call Windy, Grace, from time to time. I couldn't believe he didn't know!! I'll tell you in a minute. Windy has a few other names:

Yaya: the ever popular and been around the longest. She gave this one to herself when she was an infant. Daddy would come home from work and say hello or something and she would say (babble) yaya and he would reply yaya and our friend started calling her Yaya and it has stuck!! Although it has been shortened to Yas!!!

Katie: Her middle name is Kay, after her Grandma, and Grandma's sisters call her Katie. (That one was simple)

and now:

GRACE: This started out as the old "Goodnight Gracie". One night when I was praying with Yas (short for yaya) I was praying for the young lady she would be and decided she would be GRACEFUL. And now I call her Grace in front of people because I believe, not only will she be a polite, gorgeous and successful and bright young lady, she will also be full of Grace!!!! I could never give you all the definitions of Grace so use the link scroll down to Gracelike!!